How disappointments made me stronger

Well, I'm working at Boots again this christmas season. I worked there last year too but there is something completely different this year. "What" ? You may ask. Well let me see. First of all I'm a few pounds heavier (thank goodness) and second I am no longer unhappy.
Gosh temping for Boots last year was a complete and utter nightmare. I was underweight and just a trembling nervous wreck. Anything could set me off in tears but due to customer care and company policy I was obligated to hide my tears behind the boxes of the 3 for 2 mix and match vitamin products. Pititful I know.
However, today I was just reminising about how heartbroken and upset I was last year. God is so good. Every disappointment that has ever happened to you in life, God knew about it. He allowed it for a reason. I constantly think of my best friend Lois who lost her mother this summer. God even knew about that. I'm sure she cannot comprehend what plan God has for her but all she knows that it is a good one.
Disappointments will make you stronger. When my heart was severely broken I couldn't grasp and understand what was going on. My 5 year life plan suddenly fell apart when I received a phone call last October. Everything that I (foolishly) put my hope and trust in just crumbled over the phone.

It reminds me of this scripture "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD."

Back then I thought that by this time I would be planning my wedding, showing off my platinum engagement ring and making preps for my suburban home. Instead, I'm in a tiny dorm room which has stacks and stacks of law books cluttering the whole place and I share my block with 72 other students. Despite this, I'm happy. My failures of yesterday have made me stronger. I've learnt a few things along the way. I've learnt to put my trust in Christ Jesus.

Jeremiah 17: 5-10 "But blessed is the man [woman] who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him." Amen to that Jeremiah.

If you've made mistakes in the past do not let them determine who you are tommorrow. If I had allowed all my disappointments and setbacks form me I would not be looking forward to my graduation from university next june. Most importantly, I would not be enjoying the fulness of God.
It is almost my blog-anniversary and it is going to be so thrilling to read about all that God has done for me over the past one year. Hahahah, I thought I would never come out of my sadness and gloom but God knows best.  I may not know you very well and I may not know all that you are going through but I can tell you this: scars heal, setbacks fade and you become STRONGER. It is extremely hard to thank God in the wilderness but this is where we grow to be more like Him.

The disappointments of yesterday will make you stronger.

Ashley's Testimony

Tonight, I feel privileged to share the amazing testimony of my long enduring friend Ashley.  Ashley is currently serving on a medical mission as a junior doctor in Honduras. She graduated from Imperial College, London last year but rather than getting a job as a General Practitioner in her hometown, she packed her bags and scrubs and traveled across the world to Honduras. Ashley is one of my greatest role models, so having spoken to her on skype a few weeks ago I received permission to share her testimony on here.

I met Ashley in 2007, and we became really good friends through our church group. She was bubbly, popular and extra beautiful but had never had a boyfriend before. A year later she met Darryl who also attended our church group. Ashley always dreamed of going to Honduras, the country of her  birth and it was truly the Lord who put that passion in heart. However, Darryl came a long. I'm not sure if God was in the situation or not but Ashley began to change. She still dreamt of working in the medical field in Honduras but somehow with Darryl in the picture her focus changed, she now was working on bringing Darryl with her to Honduras and if that didn't work she resovled to  stay in England and get married to him. Whatever happened Darryl had to come first.
So many of us christian women can relate to this scenario.  As time went on Ashley stopped thinking about Honduras and began thinking about her and Darryl tying the knot after medical school. Ashley was changing. Darryl was changing too. He began to become manipulative and just emotionally cold to her. Nonetheless, Ashley was trying to make it work and she was prepared to look past Darryl's faults.  Even when he began to compare her with other girls she still held on to him. I know, ridiculous, right? Yet, how many of us have behaved just the way Ashley was behaving? We've given up so much for something that God wasn't in and if it wasn't for God's grace we would have suffered dearly for it.
What I love about Ashley however, was her sincere desire to serve the Lord. Even when she couldn't see that this guy was not what God had in mind for her and that she was off His time schedule, Ashley still pursued God.
Well, you can guess what happened next. Darryl and Ashley broke up and it was Ashley who had to bear the pain of it all. What made it harder for Ashley was that she had to continually see Darryl every week at church group and at church. On top of that Darryl found a new love soon after. It was torture for her and it didn't help that her graduation was months away and she didn't have a clue what she was to do after medical school.  A confused and heartbroken Ashley did what she knew best. She turned to the Word. In her lowest state, when she felt that she wasn't good enough, pretty enough, slim enough and worthy enough, she fell down at the feet of Jesus. Wow! I remember her crying and praying to God to just heal her hear and give her a new direction.  God did just that.
The word "Honduras" echoed back in her spirit.  This young, budding doctor picked herself up, shook off the dust, said goodbye to her heartache and got back on track with God's calling.
She is now settled in Honduras assisting the mission base with basic vaccination for the needy and most importantly spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Ashley may have lost her bearing when she met Darryl and some may have said she "screwed up" big time but in the end God had the last laugh. I think we can all learn a lot from Ashley's testimony. No matter, the mistakes you make in life, if you are pure and sincere in your heart, God will surely come through for you.
Ashley is so much more stronger, more spirit filled and more determined and I believe that her heartbreak with Darryl prepared her for the long days ahead in Honduras. I'm so proud of her and I can't wait for our future skype dates!

Rejection is just God's redirection

I just want to remind you to always rememeber the Lord. Remember Him when things are good and remember Him when things are bad.
One valuable lesson I learnt last year was "Rejection is just God's REdirection." I promise you, if you hold onto Jesus with a death grip NO MATTER the situation, He will turn it around for your good. Don't mourn too long over the job that rejected you, or the door that slammed shut in your face, or the loved one that rejected you. God will turn EVERY disappointment around for your good (Romans 8:28).

Notable people who have been rejected in history:

• Albert Einstein was labelled mentally retarded. Parents and teachers thought that he had a low IQ.  They wrote him off. They rejected him. Einstein became the world's most influential scientist and philosopher in the world.

• Walt Disney:  Described as unimaginative and uncreative.  I'm not even going to get into much detail with his story. I just have one word for you: Mickey Mouse

• Harland David Sanders: Perhaps better known as Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken, Sanders had a hard time selling his chicken at first. In fact, his famous secret chicken recipe was rejected 1,009 times before a restaurant accepted it.

• Joseph: Rejected by his very own flesh and blood. Sold into slavery by his own brothers and thrown into an Egyptian cell. He rose from slave to Governor of Egypt

• Jesus Christ: Rejected by Jewish society, ridiculed by family members, betrayed by close,intimate friends is today the Prince of Peace, Seated on the Right Hand of God, Ancient of Days, the King of Glory, and the list goes on.

• You: We will  allow history to write this part for you.

It's not easy being young, female and Christian

Hmm...I'm sure many of you can relate to the blog title above : "It's not easy being young, female and Christian." I'm just lying awake in bed knowing that I have to wake up at 6 a.m. to get ready to do kids church only to return to finish off my essay. But I can't sleep and the only thing going through my mind is "God! I can't keep up with this pace.What's a girl to do?!" As, I roll over in my bed, I hear the Lord whisper softly, "It is I that have everything under control."  I love when God speaks, something overwhelming takes over deep inside your soul and at that moment you just know God will do ALL that He said He will do for you.
The scripture says thus : "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace."
I've come to appreciate the fact that being a christian girl in my early twenties just isn't easy. Men, please note that I'm sure it's hard for you all too - but I'm not entitled to speak on your behalf. I do know that for us women it is a challenge.
Since it's the final year of law school, I have to make sure I steer clear of anxiety attacks. These often try and come when you know that the school year will draw nearer than you think and you still do not know where you will be next September. The stakes of marriage straight after college are slim, you are averaging at a grade average of a 2.2 and your work experience is limited. On top of that your "uber" conservative parents don't feel it's acceptable for a christian girl to live outside the home before she is married. So, you are stuck in a bit of a rut.
Like, I said it's not easy being, young, female and Christian.

I know so many of you reading this can relate to at least one or even all of the above scenarios I just listed but before I sleep I just wanted to leave some encouraging words from the Holy Spirit.

• Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)

• Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

This last one is one of my favourites.

• Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”  Isaiah 30:21

 

 

 

 

 

 

A great drink for Christian Women.

I don't understand what has been going on these past few days but ever since I read the following scripture, a lot questions I had about life and christianity have begun to be answered.

Isaiah 55: 1-2 “Come, all you who are thirsty,  come to the waters;...why spend money on what is not bread and your labour that does not satisfy?"

For years, I had been searching for life's answers and what my purpose on earth was.  For a good few years even though I have been saved, I feel like I've been in this wilderness; but not quiet sure what I am doing but DEFINETLY searching for SOMETHING. I was searching for that thing that would truly give me everlasting peace and security. I was stretching my hand out for anything that could deal with the unhappiness and emotional torment I was encountering during my teen years and up until recently actually.
Have you ever drunk so much alcohol just so that you could  forget about your current situation? Or have you ever engaged in illicit sex with multiple partners in order for you to have that "void" in your heart filled? Even if it's just for a couple of hours. Maybe for some of you it's overeating or overspending, just so that you can feel better about yourself. You think that if you could just purchase the latest pair of shoes then life will be alright. Right? No, wrong!

But like anything else, all these things give us a great "high" but the crash is horrible. When these wordly things begin to wear off, we tend end up feeling 10 times worse than we did. How come? The reason being is that God did not create us to seek satisfaction in immorality or overindulgence, he created us to find fulfillment in His son Jesus and Him alone.
This revelation came to me the other day after reading the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman. I won't go into too much detail here but I could really relate to this biblical icon.  This was a woman who had put her trust in relationship after relationship, only to receive heartache and pain but here was Jesus offering her something so much more.  This woman had been thirsting for true love, for someone to truly love her for the woman of God she was ordained to be. She kept on dipping her bucket in the wrong waters.

“Everyone who drinks this water [wordly things] will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4

So, was God telling me that as long as I continued to look for worth and satisfaction in relationships, drink, fashion, etc I would never be satisfied or at peace? Wow! This was a mind blowing revelation to me. God needs to be our source for everything. Women of God we are continually putting ourselves through pain and abuse if we do not stop to put Jesus as our centre. I am guilty of this but I am making progress in my walk with God.
How naive I've been! All these years I've been trying to find satisfaction in dating, my clothes, parties and even doing "christian stuff" - I never once understood that my needs had to be met through Him.  Sisters in Christ, our thirst for life in abundance can only come if we draw near and drink from the Spring of Living Waters.

“My people have committed two sins:  They have forsaken me,  the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,  broken cisterns that cannot hold water"  Jeremiah 2:13

I have to be honest with readers right now. For a while I thought I was already a failure in my short life of 22 years.  These thoughts were not of God, however I am learning to be in tune with His Spirit.  Yes, those "cisterns", those things of this world which I thought could give me a sense of accomplishment couldn't hold all that God had for me - they were things that failed me. I am not the failure.


In the words of Stacie Orrico: "There's got to be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me" - the lyricist put it so well. Yes, there is more to life and that's how Jesus intended our lives to be. Fulfilled in Him.
Lets drink from His Springs of Living Water.

In Christ

Chizor.

Chizor reconciles with Germany

Seriously, I feel like Julia Roberts in the movie Eat, Pray, Love. I've just come back from visiting my  2nd country this year which was Germany and I have a deep hunger to travel a lot more.

Some of you do not know much about my past in Germany and  all the things that I encountered whilst there. My parents moved to Germany in 2000 from my beloved homeland England, we moved to a little town called Dietzenbach just outside the city of Frankfurt. I did not take the move so well, partly due to the fact that I was 12 years old and I could not speak a word of the language. It was difficult living in a foreign country but I soon learnt the language and began to fit in with the locals. My ultimate desire was to fit in and not to be different. Well, my skin colour wasn't helping. Not to go into much detail but my life was filled with substance abuse, multiple relationships and basically anything ungodly that I could get my hands on.

I left Germany in 2004.

Last weekend was the first time I had been back in 6 years. This time I went back as a Christian.

To be honest, I really enjoyed myself. It brought back memories; both good and bad but I'm really glad I went. It was time to relax, eat good German pork, practice my linguistic skills (which by the way are impeccable) and catch up with old friends.

One of the friends I was able to meet was Rachel. We we're friends from the age of 14 back in Germany and let's just say "skiving school" was one of our fondest past times. NOT!  To cut a long story short, we were bad teenagers  at the rebelling stage.Anyway, seeing Rachel for the first time really had an affect on me. She was a beautiful as ever (that's what you get when you are of part Togolese/Jewish/German ancestry) but you could definetly see a change in both of our maturity.
What touched me the most was when Rachel began telling me that she had begun attending church and she had been reading through the bible step by step. I almost fell off the chair when I heard this. Here we are 6 years later and for the first time in all of our friendship we are talking about God and religion.  I couldn't believe it that she was on the search for God. She was also very curious to know what had caused me to become a Christian (I was wild and crazy back then) all of sudden.  This was an awesome opportunity to share my testimony and so there we were both in a bar and I was sharing my experiences with God over the past few years. 

If that's the only reason I went to Germany then I am more than satisfied.
Going back to Germany as a Christian really gave me a different perspective. I no longer needed to bare the burden of my shame and reproach, I could walk through the streets of Frankfurt with a "Garment of Praise".

Are you ready to trust God with chicken?

The whole thing about trusting God with chicken came the other night when I threw a dinner party which consisted of chicken pieces marinated in tequila and lime. So, I invited a few people over to come and wine and dine, however when you have a public facebook event, numbers begin to increase and you suddenly have RSVPS from a bigger crowd than you expected. .
You see, recently I've been asking God to teach me to really trust him. To trust him with Every.Tiny.Detail.  Anyway, I didn't want to spend more money and purchase more chicken for the guests but I felt like I had no other choice so I began to fret. The scripture in James suddenly popped into my mind : James 1: 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
Really?! Ask God about chicken?! That's absurd God doesn't care about chicken I thought to myself. However, what does the above scripture tell us? That if we ask God for wisdom, he will give it to us freely without finding fault in regards to what we ask him for. So, I got down on my knees and whispered a quick prayer asking for wisdom for tonight's dinner party.
"Don't buy anymore chicken" I heard a still, small voice whisper back to me. I knew it was the Holy Spirit, so I chose to listen to His voice and not purchase anymore chicken. Despite the fact that 15 people had RSVP'd, and I only had enough poultry for 8 people .
To cut a long story short, it pays off to trust and listen to God. That night not everyone showed up to the party ; and the amount that did attend was exactly 8. Not one less, not one more.

To some of you this may seem so trivial and petty, nonetheless God taught me the essence of waiting patiently and trusting Him with Every.Little.Detail of my life. It's weird but I've been  in this dry spot with God recently but that's because I haven't been resting in Him and savouring his His love. That's all God wanted me to do, just be with Him.
Another incident: My friend had been suffering with a swollen ankle for weeks, she found it hard to get to class on time but when she told me her plight I just heard this scripture:
"They shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." Mark 16: 15 . God wanted me to trust Him and see that particular scripture come to life.  Mark 16:15 did manifest itself and to this day my friend has not had issues with her ankle. Jesus! Why do I doubt your goodness?

Are you ready to trust God with chicken? As in, are you ready to trust God with every area of your life? I guarantee you, when you begin to surrender all areas of your life it's painful. However, the rewards of surrendering to God outweights all the pain. Things may not look like they are looking up for you but are you stillready to trust God?  Maybe you've been praying for the fruit of the womb and 6 years on, still no child? It's a painful ordeal for you, you've done tests after tests, the doctor keeps on telling you "next time" - and the only child you did carry did not make it through. Are you still going to trust God with that area of your life? No matter the costs because I tell you there is peace in trusting Him.
Or, maybe you've been unemployed for sometime and with all your qualifications still no work. You are ready to throw the towel in and sign on to welfare. Wait! Hold on if God's Word is true that He is the Jehova Jireh - can you trust God to provide the next meal?
This is a call out of our shallow christianity and it is a call to go deep into deep with God. With a lot of young people, we often have the misconception that we need to do something completely and utterly radical for God, such as drop out of school at age 14 and become a missionary in Afghanistan. Slow down, God does not care about our radical acts but He is in love with a heart that is radical for Him. Afghanistan will come in due time but in the meantime your science teacher has never heard the gospel. Now that's a radical lifestyle.


I'm taking a vacation, not just to Germany next week but a vacation from worrying and not trusting God. However this particular vacation will last a lifetime.

Amen!

Relationships between Christian Men and Women at Uni.

So here is my long anticpated article that I said I will write with regards to Christian Male and Female relationships at University.
Can I speak to the ladies first? Long gone are the days when femininity and authentic beauty was a prized possession to be attained. Now, a lot of us share the motto "I can do everything a man can do, just BETTER! " and these are the cries of several Christian women on campus. The post-modern woman feels if she embraces her femininity, she is weak and men will take advantage of her. Whether we like it or not God created us to be feminine and not to be masculine. Feminity does not mean shopping for dresses and loving all things pink, but it does mean understanding our God ordained positions as women. Our strong but delicate nature is not to be hated but praised.

Some of you arrived at University with a misconception. A misconception that many girls are suffering with the consquences of it today. There is a common lie among Christian female students that they will meet their husband at University. Whoever voiced such nonsense needs a reality check. As a result of this lie, many girls come to University all bushy tailed and bright eyed, waiting for Mr Right in their lecture hall. Christmas term approaches, followed by Easter term ....still no sign of this potential Mr. Right. Not too bad you think, afterall it's only your first year. However, by your second year you begin to get impatient and you begin to wonder that you might have missed him, or worse God is being cruel by not bringing him around. You start wincing at the fact that you only have one more year left of University, so God needs to step His game up.

Before I continue, I know many who have met their spouses at Uni, and have had amazing marriages but if your story does not end up like this don't rush into anything.

Anyway, so we start getting impatient and we start doing things our own way. Take for example my friend Audrey. She fed into the lie that God had to bring her husband during her University career. Well, God wasn't on her agenda and didn't bring him around. Anyway, frustrated and annoyed she began a relationship with Segun. Segun studied engineering with Audrey but he wasn't really walking with the Lord. For example, sex before marriage was a big win for him just as long as he went to church and repented. Audrey a strong believer herself, felt Segun was "the one". He wasn't exactly a Christian but he believed in God, that was good enough for her. Before long, Segun and Audrey began a relationship, which was not Christ centered at all, Audrey's faith began to take a downward spiral as Segun could not encourage her in the Lord. Before we knew it Audrey had comprised her purity and fell pregnant. Segun ended the relationship soon after, and has since acquired a new asset. I mean girlfriend...

If Audrey had waited on God, what would have happened?



Women, do we not know that every guy we flirt with, or every guy we have long intimate conversations with is a dishonour to our future husbands. Or every guy we grind on in the clubs is disrespectful. This is not a rebuke, I'm guilty of the same kind of mess. Some of you are diasgreeing with me right now as you feel like you do not have an obligation to your spouse-to-be. Hmm...maybe but we certainly have an obligation to our first love, Jesus Christ.

Proverbs 4: 23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Before anything else, we need to guard our hearts. If my dear friend Audrey had guarded her heart, I don't think her course of life will be as a single mother back in Manchester. Guarding your heart means to be careful in your conversation, pouring the Word into your Spirit and seeking God's wisdom for the course of your life.



Now to the University men. Men, I urge you to guard your own heart but also be a guard of hearts. I think a lot of reasons why some of our Christian sisters fail in areas of relationships is due to the lack of guys caring for their hearts. It's in your nature and God given capacity to be strong enough to protect the heart of a woman. If you see a girl who you find attractive, wait on the Lord. Pray about it. Attraction isn't everything you know? Ask God to show you more about this girl. Most importantly RESPECT her. As long as you have not put a ring on it ,you could be dishonouring her future husband. So, if she does not adhere to your advances it may be because she too is waiting on God for direction. Not because she is "stush" or "frigid" as some of you may kindly put it but she has made God her all in all, for this season of her life.

As you can see, I do not have too much to write on the Men but I hope it has given you insight in some way.


This is what the Lord has been speaking to my on, and has asked me tor reevalute some areas of my life. I pray if need be, you do the same too.



In Christ



Chizor

The true face of hope

God gave a word the other day and it was HOPE. I'm not fond of Obama as some of you already know but whether we like to admit or not, he is currently the  face of "hope" for Americans. Yes, I can hear my friends groaning all ready at this. Don't worry guys I'm not going to go on a rant about why I hate liberalism. Rather, I want to talk about the true face of hope. Jesus Christ.

You see, I thought this week was going to be extremely rough on me.  I was so worried that I was going to have a melt down this week and 5 days out of the 7 would be spent curled up in bed crying my eyes out. Have you ever been scared of your emotions before? I have. I experienced this phenomenon a few days ago; I was scared what my emotions could do to me if I was not careful. You see, there is something I've been dreading and God showed me specifically in a dream that, that thing I was so scared of was going to come to pass and I need to prepare my body, mind and soul for it.
Anyway, that "thing" - which I won't go into right now, came to pass and it was time to face the music.
Sorry this blog is so abstract today. Please excuse me...
 Do you ever get to that point, where you have finally come to terms with a bad (or good) situation? You start rebuilding your life again, God begins to put back the pieces of your once broken heart back together and all is well with your soul. However, there is just that one thing that could trigger your emotions and set you off in tears. These pain "triggers's" often come in the form of a picture, a long lost gift or worse a long lost memory of what once was. Recently, these "triggers" have not had much affect on me and I've been more than able to get on with things if I come across a ghost of my past. These past few months, I've been so happy and full of unexplainable joy and I was NOT about to let anything steal that away from me.
Well, when it was time for me to face the music the other day , and come face to face with that thing that my heart was dreading, it was strange but I was still full of unexplainable joy.  I wasn't having a breakdown afterall. What once caused my heart to break, was no longer there. Was this a sign of God healing my heart? It sure was. I spent the past 12 months putting my hope in God and not in man and I saw the benefits of it the other day. God was the physician and healed me from the inside out because I had put my trust in him.

God really does exist. Seriously, nothing in this world could ever do what God did in my life these past few months. The only encourgament I have today, is: hand it ALL over to God. I mean everything the whole shabang.  You can't go wrong. There is no point holding on to it, it just won't do you any good. So hand it over to Jesus.
God gave me a simple but MIND BLOWING revelation the other day: HOPE.
Be sure of this scripute: Romans 5: 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
There is hope in my story. There is also hope in your story too.

In Christ

Chizor

Do you remember the time, when we fell in love ?

Sincere apolgies readers but this particular post will not be dedicated to the legendary Michael Jackson. Nonetheless his song "Do you remember the time?"  is one of my favourites. I encourgage you to listen to it actually...it may make you think about your relationship with God.
In this particular song, MJ is basically remininising about the time he first fell in love with his girlfriend. How they would always talk on the phone and he is constantly trying to encourage the young lady to remember the time that they had together. But now they have broken up.

It really made me think? Do I rememeber when I first fell in love with God? Things were rosy, I wanted to be around my new found love constantly and just sit and converse with Him. From that time, till now - where has that romance gone? Why is it so easy for us to feel disappointed with God and forget all those sweet gestures we once received from him?
My relationship with God is going through a storm. Well, actually quite a few storms to be frank.
I need to remember the time when I first fell in love with my Jesus. I need to remember the time when we first fell in love. Just like Michael Jackson said...

I do remember! God has always been there for me. Yes, I admit I have been immature in my walk with God but through this storm I know I will mature and become the woman of God He has created me to be.
I remember EVERY single WRONG He made RIGHT! God has such a great plan but sometimes through the fog it's so hard to see what His true purpose is but never forget that He will always be your 1st love.

Revelation 2: 1-7

…But I have this [one charge to make] against you: that you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted Me, your first love]…(v.4)

This starts to happen when you stop finding time to read your bible or kneel down to pray. Going to church seems to be a chore for you and life with Jesus just isn't exciting anymore. So you begin to indulge in other lovers such as television, work,alcohol, drugs, sex,etc just to distract yourself from the pain you are facing. Instead of you to go home to your husband- Jesus and tell him the truth, you continue to engage in your adulterous affairs.
Can I share a little of godly wisdom with you? Those "other" lovers will fail you. They will fulfill you for a short while but when the going gets tough...they just won't stand with you. It's time to run back into the arms of your first true love. 
If you do this, then this is what Jesus will do in return for you:

Isaiah 54: For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

Love you, guys.

Testing of my heart

Now that things have died down a bit on campus, I am able to say that I  have more time for blogging.
To be truthful, I love to blog. It's actually my hobby but I just wish I more time and MONEY to invest in my blog. Hence, why my website looks disastrous at the moment.
It's almost a one full year that God took me on a long, painful but rewarding journey. If you want to know the details of the story, ask and I will tell you. However, I will never actually go into details on my website.
Up until today, I do not understand why God picked me out of all my friends to go through this. I guess I will never completely understand until I get to heaven.
Nonetheless, there is a famous quote which goes without saying : When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you,  but merely opening your hands to receive something better!
Have I received that "better" thing yet? With a resounding "Yes!", my Saviour certainly has restored 10 fold.
I've learnt to know God for myself. My prayer, my whole life has been "God allow me to know you". I spent a whole gap year  in the States, praying for the same thing over and over again. My favourite song during that year was "Where you go I go" by Brian and Jenn Johnson.  I would sing it several times a day.  Did I understand the depth of that song?  The lyricist sings about following God NO MATTER what. Following the Spirit of God in an out of season. God was and is testing my heart. Would I say true to the same song I would sing every day? Even if everything I held so close to me slipped away?
God tested my heart and He did just that. He stripped away every "idol" and "shrine" I had constructed in my life. Basically, He took away that thing that I was holding onto with a death grip.

But to be honest readers...sometimes I feel I have failed in certain areas. I feel I have failed the test. My heart hasn't always been true to God. However, when I feel like I'm slipping away, I have to bring to  rememberance the goodness of the Lord. I've failed the test several times but often I beat myself up over the things I'm doing wrong but I never look at how much progress I have made.

In closing, I just want to inform you all that I'm not giving up on God. Why? Because, despite all my junk God has never ever given up on me. I vow not to take the Lord's goodness for granted but I want to be made more in His likeness.
Job 23:10 But He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me [my heart] , I will come out as pure gold

No matter, the situation if our faith and trust remain in God, our heart's though refined in the fire, we shall surely come forth as pure gold.

In Christ
Chizor

I just can't do [this] CHRISTIANITY anymore

As you can see I have had to put my blog on the back burner due to extensive exams and essay deadlines. Well...actually that's not been my only reason why I haven't been blogging. It's actually because I haven't had anything to write. At all. My mind has been blank yet at the same time filled with so many thoughts on life.

Confession: I've been struggling with my Christianity BIG TIME. I know some of you are scoffing at that statement and are saying with a sarcastic tone "Oh well who isn't struggling in their faith." Well, guys I need you to be a little sympathetic here. Anyway, as I was saying . It's been so,so,so hard with everything.  Earlier, I was trying to express to my friend Lily how I was feeling but I couldn't quite find the words to say. Has anyone ever been in that place in their walk with Christ, when they are actually being a Christian just to please others.  I've been feeling like that recently. The peer pressure has just been intense. How can I put this more eloquently?
Here is a scenario:

Chizor: [talking to bar maid] Can I have a vodka orange please? Plus one entrance to Club Rumba?
Friend: [Looks in shock] Chizor you drink???!!! Club Rumba???!! How can you stoop so low?
Chizor: [silence].

I'm not hear to get into a debate anymore about whether or not one should drink or hit the club. That's not where the issue lies. It's just been this constant struggle in my heart that's been going. I feel constantly yelled at. Like I'm being screamed, yelled at and scolded in my spirit.  Then after the screaming and the telling off, the tiredness comes. I get tired in my spirit, causing me not to want to pray or read my bible because I give up easily and as I feel as though  I'm not "christian" enough. Pitiful I know. The voice causes condemenation. I don't pray because I feel wary to approach His throne of Grace. Is this really God?
I admit I'm not as reserved as I was a few years ago. However, when I look back I wasn't really reserved, I just thought this was the way I had to act. Was I really doing it for God? Or was I people pleasing again? That's another one of my qualifications. I have a Bachelor's Degree in People Pleasing.

All, I can say to all of this is: "GOD I NEED A FRESH REVELATION."

Sorry this isn't one of my usual advice-smart-christian-women blog posts but I really have nothing to share per se. I'm in need of ADVICE here.
I'm struggling being a Christian. I need to go back to my first love. NO, it does not mean that I am condemning a glass of alcohol or going to the club. This is Europe and things are a lot different this side of the Atlantic. I need to get past the Dos and Dont's and really experience God afresh; as of right now everything just feels stale. I can't do this type of Christianity anymore. I need the love relationship I once had with God. It's not going to come through my 'good' works either.

I don't want to walk away from God. Ever. On the other hand I'm just finding it hard to fit into His "good books". I know that's not how the grace of God works. It's a grace that will guide me by the hand and lead me to those still waters I've been longing for these past 6 years.

This may sound cheesy but I had to press God for something. The bible talks about  the renewing of the mind and heart through His Word. I told the Lord that if this was really true then I need Him to use the Word to change me. So, I've been meditating on one/two scriptures a day ALL day. If I feel low or I'm idle, I'll let the scripture for that day just mull over my heart and mind. Right, now I feel no change but I'm going to keep on whispering His Word to myself.
I know by faith something will happen.

Jesus, you really are all that I ever hoped for.

Testimony time - Blessing time

I wrote my Public Law Exam today and am I happy that I have it out of the way. I just wanted to give a brief testimony about the Lord's goodness today.
Well, after the 2 1/2 exam paper the Holy Spirit brought something to rememberance.

'He will teach you everything and remind you of all that I have said to you.'

I  began to remember last year when I wrote my Contract Law and Tort paper, I was an emotional wreck. Emotional wreck is a little dramatic but I was displeased with my personal life. Anyway, to cut a long story short I remember writing those papers with tears streaming down my face and my mind flicking between, "Equitable Estoppel" and "Why God?!  Why is my relationship falling apart ?!" Not a good combination of thoughts, especially when the exam is worth 100% of your grade. Hehehe, I can laugh now but only because I have the strength to - I didn't find this in the slightest bit funny last year.
However, God has definetly turned my story around, for the better. Today, I was able to sit through my Public Law Exam and I was at complete ease.  My mind was focused and at the same time I kept my mind focused on the Lord. So, isn't that something to give God thanks for?
Sometimes, I lay awake at night and I think of all the people who have experienced pain. Whether it was caused by something trivial or something more serious. I think of my best friend Lois, who recently just lost her mother. I think of all the nights she cries herself to sleep due to the grief of it all. I cannot fathom what Lois may be going through right now - I have never lost someone that close to me before, however I do know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep and wake up in further distress.
I remember when I would sit for hours just reading other people's blogs about how God delievered them from their pain.  That's why I speak so much about my past experiences- not because I am glorifying my past ; rather  because I know how often people 'google search':  'need help with pain' or 'God delievered me from pain'. I know this because I used to search for the same answer. I want people to see God's hand of deliverance on my life and be encouraged .

The bible says :  Psalms 34:19 says, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivers them from them ALL."

On a lighter note, I need a title for my autobiography. Write now it is a contest between "Butterfly and Pearls" or "Skinny, Worried and Depressed" - my 13 year old sister came up with the last one...she has a talent for words.
Any takers?

Life with God is an Adventure

I am currently working a 50 hour job at the library.  Job description; Sit at a desk for 10 hours, studying solely law text books. Guess how much it pays? Nothing. You just get a really cool,REWARDING degree at the end.
So, apologies for not blogging as much as I should have.

Without further ado, I just want to express my utter adoration. God is amazing!
Last night,  the Devil tried to bring wrong thoughts into my mind. Thoughts such as: "Chizor, what are you doing? Are you really supposed to be studying? What if you hadn't gone to Law School, you would have the life you always wanted. You would have your own 'dreams' by now. Your decision to become a lawyer caused you pain.  " 
Some of you have made God ordained decisions which in effect had some painful consequences. God has some of you in a place right now that may seem barren or uncertain. Don't look back to Egypt.
Don't look to what you don't have or what you could have had.
Isaiah 54: "Sing, O barren Woman, you who have never born, burst into song, shout for joy...because more are the children than the desolate woman"
God will do more for you than you expected.


 It's important that we watch ourself. The enemy has a certain way with our emotions. He'll go to our deep desires and longings and try and manipulate them. However, I serve a Saviour who knows my DEEPEST desires, more than I even know.  It's important that we resist the Devil in order that he flees from us ! How do we resist? By standing and believing the Word of God.
As these thoughts came in like a flood, a still gentle voice began to filter in. It was the voice of my Lover and Lord - Jesus.
I could actually feel my brain settle down, my muscles relax as I listened to His sweet voice.
He said thus: "Chizor, life in me is always an adventure. Do not despair because you have not reached there yet. Know that you are in my will, just enjoy the journey."
That is so true for many of young people. To many of us young, christian female academias. Studying isn't always easy but if you are in the perfect will of God, enjoy the path God has you on. The path of pursuing school. It's an adventure.  How? You may ask. Well, for instance today, I received an email to apply for  a Human Rights internship abroad, all expenses paid. I began to be thankful that I could cherish this moment in God to pursue the opportunities He has for me. Free from other restraints.
I am beginning to savour the journey. Don't ever mourn over the things you left behind! God done left that place a long time ago - as some may say. Remember the story of Lot's Wife? She looked back.
She didn't enjoy the path God had her on, she didn't look forward to the horizon.



Talitha Cumi- Damsal Arise.


Joy is coming in the morning, women of God

A woman's tears

This morning, I woke up and I pondered on the goodness of God. I can't get enough of it. I've been studying for ca. 8-10 hours a day this past week for my law exams which are coming up. However, I have come to realise that no matter how hard I strive to make a 1st class, I am nothing without God.

God cares about everything. Everything we are going through. Or everything we have been through. I cannot stress it enough : every tear drop we cry He is merciful to put it into His bottle of tears (Psalm 56:8).
I began writing this blog because I had deleted my facebook and I needed a break from things. The Lord had bigger plans for me - He wanted to use this blog to deliver people out of pain.
I'm sure you have a experienced pain before. Not like an "owie" sort of pain where you scrape your knee. No, that kind of pain that cuts straight to the heart, to the depth of your soul. The emotional pain.
This pain truly penetrates and if not treated properly it can have some deep lasting wounds. Ladies, if these wounds are not tended to, they can get infected and eventually become contagious. They will infect others, your children for example. Creating a vicious circle.
A woman of 23 years old, who has suffered constant rejection may find it hard to function in healthy relationships if she hasn't treated her wounds in Christ.
I tell you this though, there is something about a woman's heart-felt tears.
I remember a few years ago, during a youth meeting at church. Our teacher (female) was stressing to the our "brothers" the effect of a woman's tears.
She wanted the young men to see the impact that a woman's pain has on God. I recall her talking about domestic violence.
"If you ever hit a woman, or abuse a woman and she cries. I tell you God will move heaven on her behalf." The teacher explained to us.
Men, if you cry to - it's not that God doesn't hear you and won't intervene but God designed the woman to be both strong yet delicate at the same time.  Due to our delicate nature things like rejection and verbal abuse cut deep into our inner beings.
God is faithful to prove Himself strong. Women, do not let the disappointments of yesterday, determine your worth today.

Why I am deciding NOT to date

Right, I know I said I am not going to blog but I am struggling already with this autobiography task. Somehow words flow easier when I am blogging. At this rate I'm going to modify my blog and journal entries and just add them to my book.

Anyway, I made a firm decision the other week not to get serious with anyone. I know I've been venting about celibacy for a few months now but coming back from Savannah has made it clear that I just can't do a relationship.
Since I could remember, I've been in some kind of relationship or I've had an obsessive crush on someone. Sad, I know. Things have changed though- for the better.  I am actually making a wise decision, yes I am making the choice to hold off dating for a little longer.
My conviction was set firm in the soil when James came to stay. James and I became friends through a mutual friends of ours. James came from Jacksonville, Florida but he came to see this mutual friend of ours in Savannah. I enjoyed hanging out with James and yes I did find him on the attractive side. Not wow-factor but more like ok- factor.
The whole time I was with James I had major RED FLAGS. Ladies, can I give you some advice ? As soon as you see those red flags back off.
Hmm, I tend to mistake red flags at the beginning of a potential relationship for white flags in a ver pink coloured world.
Well, James and I just were not clicking. But I was determined to swoon him over with my amazing British/Nigerian  charm but nothing I did for James  was good enough.
 Some of my romantic disappointments are self inflicted. How? You may ask.  I lack serious boundaries with men. All too often I disappear into the person I am in love with.
Quote : If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my education, my money,my family, my dog,etc. In return, I will carry all your pain, I will assume all your debts (in every defintion of the word) and I will protect you from your own insecurities.
Hence, this explains why every relationship I have had (good or bad) causes me to emerge exhausted, underweight  and begging for my next fix of 'the love stuff'.

To cut a long story short, even though I was not in love with James (seriously I wasn't), I knew that if he gave me what I wanted even if it was in small doses, my insecurites would cause me to become another helpless addict.  James took a lot from me whenever we would hang out but I blame myself because I lack boundaries. When he started to ask for me to iron his trousers, I knew both James and I had crossed the line. After filling up his tank with petrol and then being asked by him to buy lunch - I knew the line had seriously been crossed. James was taking advantage of me and I was letting him.
Some of you "sistas" are already gasping at the horror of it all but it's not James's fault. This doesn't really have anything to do with him at all but I wanted to show you what God has been doing in my life.
I actually felt the Holy Spirit pull me aside, just as a Father pulls a child to the corner. I just heard the Holy Spirit tell me : "No more".  That was it- no more. You cannot give what you don't have.  I think if you are woman like me, you try and be God to everyone and everything. You can't! You will end up a mess.

After hanging out with James that Tuesday, the next day I actually fell ill and I was just exhausted. I hadn't had this sick feeling since...a break up a while back.  It was that feeling of being at my wits end, as though every drop of energy was gone.  In such situations don't lay around and feel sorry for yourself. Hand it over to God.

1 Peter  5: 7 …casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

In Savannah, I did meet some pretty amazing men of God too. It was just nice having conversations from house music, politics, right to bear arms to cooking.  I had a friend buy a book which catered to my interest and the gesture was not romantic but it was a gesture of friendship. Someone actually cared to invest in me.  Having guys open the doors, care about what you have to say and who love the Lord are qualities I often tell my younger sister's to look for in a guy.

For us older women, don't give what you don't have.  I used to feel bitter about the past and I used to fear about writing about it on here. There was a time I had gained admission to spend an entire year at the University of Spelman in Atlanta , GA but I was dating someone back then and I didn't want them to wait any longer. I was willing to do anything for their happiness.  But it wasn't good enough.  I lacked boundaries and soon after I declined Spelman, the guy dropped me quicker than you could say "Jack Daniels". Do I have regrets and feel like kicking myself? I used to but the internship with University of Emory this summer was so much more than I had initially lost . Besides, I get to graduate earlier now.

I really can't date at the moment, life is just too exciting. God knows the best time for me. He knows the best time for you singles too.  I have no regrets except that I couldn't reognize God's timing earlier.
I just don't have 'it' in me anymore to get serious right now. Love is a lesson, I just have a few more classes to take that's all.

Summer in Savannah (10)- Atlanta healed my heart

This is my last blog post for the "Summer in Savannah" series. I am currently writing this in my living room back in England. I can't believe it's over already. I flew in yesterday.  Yes, I do miss Savannah, I miss Georgia as a whole actually.
What really struck me this summer was reconciliation with the city of Atlanta.  Not the actual city of Atlanta but when I think of Atlanta,  I think of the church I attended there from 07-08, the friends I met there and the person I dated back then.
God did an amazing work this summer in my heart. My pastor in Atlanta said these words to me : "Chizor, your time in Georgia I believe will bring healing". At that point I couldn't ever see myself forgiving those that intentionally or unintentionally hurt me. However, God really did a work in me.
Let me be honest, during my time in Savannah I did not live this holy supernatural life but it was a time for God to really root up the tares in my heart. Like God was tearing things up in my heart. To be honest, I wasn't enjoying christianity, this summer I wanted to not just pray and read my bible but I wanted to have a real relationship with God.  I longed for that intimacy with God.
Did I go after it as much as I should have? Hmm, I don't know.

I probably didn't get everything right "spiritually" this summer but God did have mercy on me. He healed my heart in Atlanta and Savannah.
God didn't wait for me to get back to England before He healed me. No, he planted me right there in the midst of my regrets, fears and turmoil. That's where he wanted to heal me.

I loved every second of my internship and it really pushed me to go after law. Representing children in court who have been abused is very life rewarding.  Actually for the first time in a long time feel confident and I know that's only God given.
I knew God had plan for my life. Not just any plan but an amazing plan.  As much as I beat against the rail, I am nothing without God.

God even cares about my love life. No I am not dating anyone - it just isn't the time. Besides I have only one year left of law school, God willing.  Nevertheless, I did meet some pretty awesome gentlemen in Savannah and I was able to see how a man should treat a woman and how a man should not treat a woman. I got a pretty even balance...

I'm on a path of self-discovery. Almost like a pre middle-aged crisis, but in a good way. I want to travel all over the world, I want to meet new people, I want to research all aspects of the law. I want an intimate relationship with God.

I am reading this book called Eat, Pray, Love and I feel like the author represents my life. It's so funny but Judge Beam who knew nothing about my past, kept  on recommending me to buy the book and felt that it reflected my life.
Therefore, I am going to start writing my own story. Yes, finally I'm going to publish my autobiography.
I've been and seen so much in my twenty-two years of my life and I have things to put down on paper. So, for the next few months I'll be working hard on writing and I may not have much time for blogging. But we'll see.

Just like the book "Eat, Pray, Love" -   Eat = I have gained a few pounds by eating country cooking and so I am not 'anorexic' , Pray = I am on a journey of spiritual enlightenment and I'm going to begin enjoying knowing God and finally Love = I love meeting new people, I love life and I finally for the first time ever I love who God has  created me to  be.

I'll keep you posted

In Christ
Chizor

Summer in Savannah (9) Conviction to Grow Up

This morning I woke up feeling irritated and depressed. I know it sounds a  bit melodramatic considering I had only been awake for a few minutes but I was clearly annoyed. "With what?" you may ask.
I was mad because I felt that people were not treating me the way I was treating them.  The first few minutes of my day was spent mulling thoughts over and over in my mind about the way I am treated. The way I should be taken care of. The way nobody is considerate of my feelings. Let's just put it down to me just feeling extremely sorry for myself.

The Bible says in Ephesians 4:14-15 14: Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

Sometimes we just need to grow up! You know, that morning instead of entertaining my thoughts by staying mad a minute longer. I decided to get into the Word. If this had been a few months back I would have gone to work feeling utterly annoyed , allowing it to eat away at me. I believe once I made the choice not to let my emotions and thoughts tcontol me, the Holy Spirit was ready to minister.
As I began listening to the Word, whatever issue that had been getting me down a few minutes before began to fade away and God was really showing me the benefits of abiding in Him.
It takes spiritual maturity to deny the flesh and pick up the much heavier cross.

I encourage you all, don't allow the worries of this world keep you from fellowshipping with God. I was so consumed with the "wrongs" done against me and how my desires had not been met by others that I almost missed God this morning. Let's face facts, we cannot rely on others for our own happiness. I've said it in previous posts before and I will emphasize it again. People will not always meet your needs but there is someone who can. His name is Jesus.
God gave me a word when I first came to Savannah. I was still pretty bitter about things that had happened in the past and I felt like being back in Georgia was somewhat a cruel reminder of that past. Bitter is an understatement : I was mad as hell! Literally, my anger and my hurt was not from  God and anything not of God is of the devil. Nonetheless, when I arrived God spoke to me clearly saying thus : "I will do for you what man could not ". A few days later out in Bryant County, GA in a small wooden Pentecostal Church a woman of God came up to me. She said thus: "The Lord will do for you what man could not".  Obviously hearing this I began to tear up inside. God was asking for me to come up higher, mature in Him and He will take care of the rest.

Go higher with Jesus, don't be afraid of the consequences. My Saviour is ready to fulfill His Word.
Psalm 25:5: Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Be blessed

Summer in Savannah (8) - How to put a woman in her place.

"A woman's place in public is to sit beside her husband, be silent, and be sure her hat is on straight." This was a famous quote by Bess Truman, the wife of former U.S. President Harry S. Truman.
As you know I am a sucker for provocative blogs and I love to get a reaction out of people. So I will try best to do just that in this blog.

Well, not exactly.

Bess Truman didn't really want to be in the spotlight during her spouse's presidency, she preferred to be in the background. I know, when I first read this quote I thought: "Ole Ms. Truman is trippin...". However little did I know, her husband often referred to her as "Boss".  This First Lady ran the White House like no other business. She was a strong-minded, intelligent woman who influenced her husband’s presidency. She was responsible for the smooth running of her husbands time in office. WOW! I was gobsmacked when I read this.

So how do we keep women in their place?

First off, the "place" of woman has never and will never be restricted to a 300 sq ft. size kitchen. No, we can venture out to the living room as well. Sorry, I didn't really mean that, I was just trying to be provactive again... No each woman is an individual and different and we all have different spheres for our life.

The best way to put a woman in her place is to: A) Find where she would like  her place to be such as homemaking, teaching, court room, Wall Street B) Encourage her to be the best of the best in her designated "place".

I really believe women of God need encourgament from both men and women to remain in their "place".

Hebrews 3: 13
"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

This "place" is God given. The "place" is part of God's perfect plan. Don't try and step into another woman's territory. For example if a woman is called to run her home full-time and homeschool her children then let it be. God has called that woman to bring Him glory and fulfill His purpose by remaining in her "place". However, you on the other hand may be called to work as a Corporate Exectuive of a huge firm but you feel that your place should be at home. Wrong! If God has given you the talent to  run a business then you are going to get so frustrated trying to be something God never told you to be. Likewise, if your friends and family are not using Godly wisdom to encourage you and are constantly beating down your door for you to become something your not. Then this is not following Hebrews 3:13 and it is definetly NOT helping you find your "place" in the calling of God.

With all that said and done, I hope I have encouraged somebody.

Read my other article on how I have have struggled with the same issue.

Summer in Savannah (7) - Get married, work in Starbucks, have my baby

I have such a hard time making decisions. One of my weakness is that I always settle for what will be an easy choice for me. I hate having preferences, I like things black and white (no pun intended). Just simple with no complications in between.
  Let me just share a little story for you :
A few years ago, I dreamed of living a simple life. I wanted to be married, get pregnant and work in Starbucks until my baby was born. Then once my baby was born I would stay at home, loving and caring for the child until the next baby was due. And so forth. Mum and Dad if you are reading this "I AM SO SORRY" for having such thoughts. But it was true I went through a period of wanting things to be just simple. I didn't want much. Not much drama but a regular, normal life. Well, with a name like Chizor which happens to sound like "Cheese", you can't really ask for simplicity. I just didn't want to venture out anymore, I was ready to get up and quit Law School in order to have my "Simple Life".
Now, please do not hear what I am not saying. If you are pregnant and are working in Starbucks then that's awesome but it just wasn't for me.
Whenever God had a direct message for me, He would always use animals to describe my situation. He often uses imagery of birds esspecially the eagle. Now, we all know that the eagle flies higher than the common bird and most importantly the eagle knows how to soar above the storm.
It's so funny but months prior to coming to Savannah, storms were hitting my life big time. Everything was coming up against me to stop me from coming back to Georgia. Yet the Word of God proved itself to be true for in Psalm 23:5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. Applying this scripture to my life - God put me back in Georgia, back in the place I was running away from and He set my table for His glory. I was obliged to soar above my storm. I was running away from drama and confrontations, I wanted to have the simple life. However, simplicity can be boring  especially when you serve an adventerous God.
Do I miss not having my simple dream? Certainly not! I still have my heart for the family and how important it is for me to see stable families. Nevertheless, God has put a deeper calling in my heart and I believe He is bringing that desire to completion this summer.
I have 5 cases which I am working on currently, that is 5 families I have to meet with and interview. That is 5 children who are under DFCS custody (Department of Family and Children Services) due to allegations of child abuse. I am required to visit the children in their various foster homes and report back to the Judge with a recommendation regarding their future welfare. Do you know how hard it is to be strong and not break down and cry when a 8 year girl is explaining to you (to the best of her knowledge) why her mother is incarcerated? Often I've felt like walking out of the courtroom in order to go to the bathroom and cry my eyes out due to the horrific child abuse cases I have to listen to. Do I really want to give up my simple Starbucks and baby dream for this? Yes! I do! Some may frown and tell me to my face that it isn't bibilical that I choose to one day be a child attorney AND a mother. I'm not going to argue with them on that one. All I know is this is the desire God put in my heart and since it is from Him, I will follow it through.
Goodbye 5 year plan, white pickett fence, stock broker husband, 2.5 kids and collier dog! Hello God's Pefect Will.

Summer in Savannah (6) Debi Pearl's NEW book - Preparing to be a Help Meet

Normally I prefer to swipe my credit card to buy the latest fashion accessories or purchase the latest edition of “Look” . However this month I decided to be a little different…*clears throat*. I …uhh bought the new book by Debi Pearl titled “PREPARING TO BE A HELP MEET”. There I said it!

My secret is out. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Debi Pearl saga of books, she is notorious (and this IS not be slanderous) for rubbing the modern woman up the wrong way. Let me warn you  some of the stuff she shares in this book will make your “feministic” blood boil. Well anyway in her first book “Created to be His Help Meet” she admonishes Christian wives attitudes towards their husbands. Her goal is for every Christian household to experience a heavenly marriage. I agree with her, God made marriage to be a heavenly institution. But is it just me or is our world as twisted as it seems ? If a woman chooses to stay at home is she being oppressed or living in ultimate freedom ? Those of you cynical intellectuals  who have read and mused over Betty Friedan’s criticism of the 1950s housewife in her book Feminine Mystique may argue that the Christian woman who chooses to stay at home is a slave to her home and is NOT free.

Nonetheless, I’ve been experiencing this tug on my heart and I believe it was from the Holy Spirit. I think the reason why so many of us young women hate the idea of Ephesians 5: 22-24 (Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands) is because it does one thing. That one thing is : it takes control out of our hands. Having spoken to a Pastor friend of mine (I’m sure some of you reading this know exactly who this pastor is), the Holy Spirit confirmed to me through the Pastor what He was already trying to tell me. You see, I attempted to call myself a Christian feminist but there were just too many contradictions in that title so I dropped it. I decided to buy this book to assess my walk with God as well as weigh it up with scriptures. I do not agree with most things Ms. Pearl has to say however there are certain Kingdom Principles which she incorporates into her teachings. That is the idea of submission to God and recognizing His Kingship in our lives. She shows this in her teaching of young women and their future husbands. I know it is an extreme book for me to read but I have a purpose for reading it. So, I’m going to read it and I will write a follow up on what I have learnt.

Summer in Savannah (5) I want to encourage you

"Life just isn't easy".  I am sure some of you are scoffing at that statement and whole heartedly agreeing.

It really isn't though. There is always one thing or the other coming up against us but our reaction to the situation determines the outcome.  These past few days I've been quite unsettled within my Spirit, I just felt so heavy and I allowed myself to become burdened with the worries of this world. I am a very antsy person and I do not like waiting for things. It's the worst thing one could ever do to me,is to allow me to wait. When I have to wait and be patient I am like a crack addict having withdrawal symptoms. I become fidgety and agitated. Most importantly I lose my peace.

Imagine if God gave you a specific Word but due to a slight personality disorder within you (i.e. impatience) you allowed yourself to work yourself into a frenzy because you could not see God's hand in a particular situation or you could not see how God was going to bless you through this. Remember the scripture that says thus : "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." Psalm 84:11.  I love that word "shield". No matter what you are going through Jesus is our shield, our protection yet His bright sun will give us light to direct our paths.  These past few days I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me "Wait", He also confirmed this through several means.  Jesus was beckoning me to wait but I wasn't and I was losing my peace big time.

No matter what is happening around you, if it's that situation you are asking God to change in your marriage but still you see no change, or the sickness you are praying to leave your body, or you are believing for a complete deliverance of your child from satanic bonds. Hold fast! Meditate on this scripture: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." John 14:1.

I feel so convicted right now. I ask God day after day "Why?". Instead, I have my answer and it is always the same "Wait". "Do not be troubled".  I know how it feels, don't think I don't. I bet you are saying " Chizor you don't know what it feels like". No, I may not know your particular situation but here is a principle in the Holies of Holies : " Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:18. I know what it feels like when you do not understand a situation but the solution is so simple. That is we as His children need to wait on Him. I believe I am speaking prophetically right now: there is a woman reading this blog so torn apart. I mean an emotional wreck. The pain is so intense that you feel like there is no way out. I tell you this, and this is the same Word the Lord gave me recently. "God will do for you what man could not". What you thought would last didn't. The people you believed would uphold you could not. However, I know my Jesus will do above and beyond . He will restore.

I have a confession to make on here. I have been slack in reading my bible and just some other areas of my life. God really showed me the importance of His word. No matter what happens never forsake His word.

In Christ

Chizor

Summer in Savannah (4) Letting go of past times

It's 12:35 a.m. and I cannot sleep at all. I feel as though I am seeing things in my life from an objective point of view.
I've put up walls- walls with broken glass and barbed wire around the edges. I've put up these walls in my life and it hurts knowing that I have to tear them down in order to be set free entirely.  I never really understood how much a situation could have such a tremendous impact on your life up until recently.  Walls are not good to have. I want to pour out my heart in this particular blog.
I've been in bondage and have allowed my issues, my regrets and my hurts to shut other people out in order to protect myself. Sometimes I don't know I'm doing it but I am very well guarded.
I realize that my "tough girl" attitude is getting old and that Jesus desires that I live in total freedom.

Jesus really has come and he HAS healed the broken hearted and bound up their wounds. He did it all on the cross. We as women or even men do not need to "protect" ourselves anymore, God has made a way so that we can live life and have life in abundance.

I'm going through yet another transitional stage of the healing process and this I believe  is the final stage but it's going to be the hardest and that is becoming vunerable again.
Hmm...you maybe asking yourself if I like someone right now? Hmm...well there is someone I have enjoyed hanging out with but all the time these huge barricades keep coming up. In summary I've been playing the hard-core rude "gyal" who isn't going to get screwed over- ever. But that's not a godly attitude to have.

Today, I released somethings and I am happy I did.

In closing,  I am succumbing to the idea of having to be vunerable to love again. No, I haven't found that special someone just yet but I am learning to accept that not everybody will behave as those from the past.

It's time to stop grieving as Samual grieved so long over Saul, but rather get up, fill your horn with oil and go to the house of Jesse because God has chosen something better for you (1 Samuel 16:1).

In closing, the apostle Paul wrote "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead " Philippians 3:13.

God's way is perfect, inhale, exhale. Enjoy your life and let down those walls. It's a good day

In Christ

Chizor

Summer in Savannah (2)... Southern Cooking

Right, if I am going to keep an accurate record of my time in Savannah, then I need to start labeling my posts accuratly. Hence from now on every post will be titled Summer in Savannah.

I have a little time to spare before heading back into the courtroom so I thought I should share how this past week has been. Last week, I joined a small group or rather a 'Life Group' at the Savannah Christian Church and I met an amazing group of people that night. Since then I have been swing dancing with a couple of the girls and I went to this martini bar thing in downtown Savannah...called Saya Lounge. Please note if you are looking to go dancing and meet lots of people Saya is not the place to go.  Sorry but it did not live upto it's popularity status. Also I went line dancing for the first time ever with somebody from work, so yes I am definetly in the dirty South.

What do I like best about being here? COUNTRY COOKING! I love everything from sweet potatoe (or sweet patayta) pie  to peach cobbler. Country cooking tops esspecially down here in ol' Savannah. 

Embarrasing but true: I have officially subscribed to Southern Living, I just love the recipes they put in there.
I am a true GA peach at heart, I have no idea where my southern roots came from but I got 'em.

I do question my Southerness however as the British in me still rises, as I detest Sweet Tea with a passion. Like I feel Sweet Tea is a huge insult to milky britsh hot tea with two sugars. Ugh!

Nevertheless they love it over here...I just can't drink it though.

 Ok to my fellow Brits here is a recipe that I am going to try and make here. So, be prepared we are going to eat it when I come home. It's called Lemondade Pie. Yes! Frozen Lemonade Pie...isn't that so American.

It should be interesting though.

I am really having a great time down here. The internship is self is very informative and rewarding also. I'm still trying to adjust to the seriousness of some of these cases but I know with God's help I will be o.k. and I need not fear. I've felt a little nervous because as of next week I have to start investigating child abuse cases and making my recommendations to the judge during court hearings. However, I am so happy to be here and it is definetly life changing.

Prayer request: Please keep in prayers all the juvenile deliquents that are locked up in detention centers for crimes they committed. It is heartbreaking seeing a child of 11 years old in an orange jumpsuit, with shackles round his feet and his hands handcuffed. Seriously pray for them and their families. For the enemy desires to sift them like wheat.

In Christ
Chizor

"This too shall pass"... Healing of a broken heart

So my blog import is not working and I have copy and paste from my blog manually. If you have any tips on how it works please let me know.
My younger sister is an amazing dancer, like some of the moves she does I ask myself where did she get her "dance genes" from because they DO not run in the rest of the family. Anyway, a few months ago, in one of her many dance classes she attends (I think it was Jazz) she slipped and twisted her knee. Poor girl was in so much pain, they had to even call the ambulance. When she finally returned home she was on crutches, taking pain killers and was constantly in agony. I felt really sorry for her. She couldn't dance and I think that upset her the most. Days went on and the pain actually INCREASED. Each day became more and more uncomfortable for her. However this was only the initial stage. The doctor did say that at first the pain was going to be horrendous.  Well as you probably guessed, with time her leg began to heal and even though she was still using crutches she was doing much better than before. It still hurt a little bit and at times her leg would spasm causing her more pain.  Weeks rolled on by and before she knew it she was going around without the crutches, and with the power of prayer she made a speedy recovery and could dance again.

Where am I going with this? I never actually wanted to put my personal life/past on my blog because I was worried in case I exposed or offended people. However, what I am writing on here isn't to expose anybody but really to expose the power of God's healing touch.
This is the first time I am writing about last year on my blog.  At the beginning of my second year of law school, my heart was badly broken due to rejection from a former relationship. I felt betrayed, angry and lonely. I felt like I was in a pit and I couldn't get out. Ugh! It was horrible. The first few months were unbearable.  Yet, do you remember the story of Joseph and what he named his son after his restoration? Manasseh meaning "The Lord has caused me to forget". I think that this so beautiful that Joseph could name his first child that after all he had been through. Joseph's son was evidence of his testimony.
My heartbreak was so  hard but as time rolled on, I picked myself up and prayed to Jesus, as He had already started the healing process. It's taking it's time but I am so much better than I was before. I thought that I could never love again, but these past few months the Lord showed me the meaning of true love. The more love I receive from Christ the more I know I will be able to give out to those around me.
A brokenheart more than hurts but as the saying goes "this too shall pass", it won't hurt afterwhile.
Am I completely whole and restored? By faith yes I am. I have my ups and downs and sometimes I get frustrated but I have made tremendous progress.
If you are at the beginning stage of pain just like my sister was, just know that at first it will hurt a lot but as time goes on it won't hurt anymore.
Why I have to experience all this? Hmm...I really don't know. But I will stress again that in Romans 8:28 : "All things work together for good, for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose".
As you know I am currently doing a law internship in Savannah, GA. I am right back in the country where my pain started. However, I can say that I am proud of myself and I look forward to seeing what the Lord has for me. Sometimes we can't always see good in things admidst our pain, and I could not see anything good in my pain. This internship that I have right now is a testimony in itself. It was given to me out of all the other candidates during one of the hardest times of my life. I love it out here and I know God called me to GA, and I believe the same heartbreak which I experienced in this same State, God will use it to doing an amazing thing in the state of GA.
:

"This too shall pass...and it passed".