A bit of a "Runaway Bride"

Right, first and foremost I have no excuse whatsoever as to why I haven't even bothered to update my blog site within the last couple of months. Especially as exams and graduation are finito. Yes, ladies and a few gents that read this: I have graduated. Whoo hoo! However, my graduation jubilation will not be the topic of this blog. I really wanted to end my two years at Butterfly & Pearls with a bang after graduation ....umm however it looks like God has other plans for me. So, blogging isn't over for me after all.

Not sure how long my blog will be today but I just felt that I should share what has been on my heart recently. Have you ever watched the 1990s romantic comedy "Runaway Bride" starring the ultra-talented Julia Roberts with Richard Gere? Anyway, Ms. Roberts happens to play a woman who has had 4 or 5 fiancees but every time she gets to the alter she literally does a runner and leaves the poor chap standing bewildered and slightly embarrassed at the alter on his own. Basically, the film is set around her life as a "Runaway Bride". Where am I going with all this? I actually feel like Julia Roberts in this movie in regards to my relationship with God and people in general.  I have been finding it so hard for almost a year now to actually get close to God. I will take a few steps towards Him but I keep my distance. I couldn't really place my finger on why I was avoiding God so much. For those of you who know me well enough may be surprised when I say this or perhaps maybe not.
It was last night over dinner with a friend that I began to realise why I had been running away from God and why I was so fearful of ever going back to Him. As my friend spoke to me regarding my life before and how I had such a close relationship with God, I finally just blurted out. " I can't go back to God like before because that's where I got hurt".  I was even shocked at myself when I said those words. The reason why I couldn't bring myself to pray as I used to, or why I never looked forward to going to church or just spending time in the Lord was because I did not want to get close to God again because that was a time when I got hurt severely.
As I am writing this, my mind has just become blank. If you notice from my other articles, I always have a solution to a problem at the end of each blog entry. However, right now I have no advice, no revelation, no words of wisdom. Except I just needed to put these thoughts down on my blog.  We all behave like the "Runaway Bride" sometimes. We get close to God, close enough to make it to the"altar" with Him but a full blown commitment we just cannot do, so we run. Or perhaps it is just me who feels this way. Nonetheless, I am certain that the majority of us Christian women can relate to Julia Roberts plight.
Solution: I have none. Yet, I do think a starting place in such a situation is just acknowledging that there is an issue between you and God and from there see what He does with it.

In Christ
Chizor

It's good but not GOD- last thoughts for finalist students.

Less than a month to go until my Law degree comes to an end. Seriously, everytime I look at the calendar I feel like slapping myself to see if this is reality or just a dream. Three years went by so quickly.
Anyway readers, I know some of you have been asking about Butterfly & Pearls and why I haven't posted in awhile. To be honest, I have been so incredibly busy with essays, final dissertation and exams that if I'm not studying I am sleeping. Sad, I know.

Well, all this final year madness has really caused me to think about the past three years at Uni. It is as though I get these flashbacks in my mind of incidents, (usually painful ones) of my time here at University. One in particular, was a day I sat in my Pastor's office on my gap year and I felt so confused about whether or not I was called to pursue Law or not. I had opinions all around me telling me that University just wasn't for me and God didn't not need my education to use me. I'm not slating those who advised me because I know they all had good intentions but just because they were good, they were not necessarily GOD.  I rememeber actually being told that I was going to get married and be in children ministry and my husband will be a youth pastor- no university degree required.  Hearing this news just didn't settle right in my spirit.  I knew the calling was a great one but I just knew that God didn't want this for me. That was a calling for somebody else - not me.  Further to this, God placed me at Sussex and slowly began to painfully tear me away from this presumption of "pastor's wife", looking back I'm glad He did it. I'm not going to go into detail on here just yet about the journey God took me on for two reasons a) I want to save this for my graduation article and finally b) I'm just too tired.
However, I do want to leave you with this: As many of us are going to go our seperate ways come June, you may be faced with so many decisions, so many voices, so many opportunities that you just don't know which one to choose. Perhaps, there is this amazing missionary job in Pakistan awaiting for you but somehow there is a tugging in your heart to join that Magic Circle law firm in Central London. Which one appears more like a "God thing" to you. Yes, I would have quickly jumped on the Pakistan bandwagon as well but in reality God may want you to bring something unique right in the heart of London. Or perhaps its the other way round and you really feel God wants you to be in Law but rather He has plans for you elsewhere. Just because it looks good, it doesn't mean it is actually God. I am certaintly advising myself here and I hope I learn some valuable lessons these next few months.
When you are not sure about life, just keep on going and trusting God because His Word says thus : "Whether you turn to the right or the left , your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:12

Rejection cuts the deepest

Yes, I am fully aware that I have deadlines to meet by May and that my degree stops for no one but I feel like I have neglected my blog and fellow blog readers. To be honest, when my mind is so saturated with the Children's Act 1986 and civil partnerships I find it hard to ponder on thoughts for my blog.

Anyway recently I've been asking God to reveal to me why I still feel pain after so long. Have you ever experienced something that turned your world upside down, and when you finally think you've come to terms with the situation, you realise that it still hurts? Or is it just me? You ask yourself over and over again "Where is this pain coming from?". You search every ounce of your heart, your emotion, your thoughts. You think if you can just pin point where the wound is you can put a band aid on it and all will be well.  It almost feels like an itch on your back that you can't scratch.  Rejection does that. It cuts so deep. It has such an effect that it can cut a 40 year old woman so deep that it penetrates straight into her childhood.  If there is anything that the devil likes to use against us , it is certainly rejection.
Time may have moved on, seasons may have changed, your light maybe shining so much brighter than before and you can finally say "Yes life is moving forward. I can see the end of this situation."  This is all true and the bible even says in  Job 17:9 “The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.”   I can certainly say that with time I have become stronger and I will keep on getting stronger. However, why do we still feel a slight throbbing pain after time has moved on.
I remember talking to my good friend Jasmine, for whom I was a bridesmaid for in her wedding not so long ago. I remember asking her about her life before she got married.  Jasmine, shared her story about this guy she was head over heels in love with and believed with every bone in her body that he was "the one" but unfortunatly (or fortunatly for her now-husband) he turned around and told her he didn't feel the same way. She described to me how the break up rocked her world. Jasmine is so in love with her husband now and I will never forget these words she spoke to me: "I love my husband, I will never trade him for anything. However, the rejection from the previous guy still hurts a litte."  I was completely gobsmacked when I heard this. Jasmine who had everything still felt the pain of  previous hurts. At this moment it was clear to me that rejection cuts the deepest.

Good Friday, is fast approaching and I am really going to take time to think about Jesus, the one went through the most painful rejection of all time. One that you and I could never fathom. He was rejected by men and His own Father for our sake. God literally turned his back on him (Matthew 27:46).  Yet Jesus cried out to God in that same verse. I think you and I should continue to do the same thing. When the rejection becomes unbearable, just know that this path has already been walked and cry out to Him.

 

My best friend's girlfriend

Have you ever really liked a guy but the guy didn't feel the same way about you? In fact the reason why he never felt the same way was purely because he sees you as the best friend and further, he is chasing after another girl. You end up feeling like Julia Roberts in my Best Friend's Wedding. Disheartening, I know. To make matters worse the girl he is chasing after isn't all that. Sure she is nice, caring, knows how to dress and looks good but she isn't you. You see, you know everything there is to know about your best guy friend. You know what makes him smile, what makes him tick. You know how he likes his eggs done and his favourite childhood toy. This guy knows it too. You are what they call “the go to gal”. Whenever he has a problem, you are there offering a shoulder to cry on and a plate of scrambled eggs to eat. When his girlfriend isn't living upto his expectations, guess who is the first person to hear about it? You guesed right. You are. Its all well and good but don't you wish he showed you a little affection just this once. I mean you don't want to just be his childhood friend from nursery. You secretly hope that he will one day take you out on a romantic dinner for two too...Nandos. Sorry but because some of us student readers, are on a budget Nandos was my best bet. Why can't he see that you can offer him so much more than his girlfriend? Your not there just to sort out his problem. You want a relationship.

This is hitting home, huh? Reading over the above scenario really just made me realise that this is how I have been treating God. God has been my “go to man” whenever my worldy desires were not cutting it. God is more than happy to be there for us in time of need and listen to us go on and on about our difficult essays, difficuly boyfriends, husbands and he has dettol and a bandage to clean up your wounds. Yet God aches for a relationship with his people. Not a casual one but intimate and loving. In Exodus 34:14 (msg) it states:
 Don't worship any other god. God-his name is The-Jealous-One-is a jealous God.
Whenever I begin to run after things outside God's perfect will for me, I cause jealousy. None of us consciously do it but we do it. From now on I'm going to begin asking the Holy Spirit for guidance in terms of actively pursuing a relationship with God. God does pick up our mess but doesn't the King of the Universe deserve so much more than whining and complaining? He does.

1 John 4:15 Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God.

Excuse me for having excuses.

I've just come to realise something each time I log on to  Butterfly & Pearls.  Each article I write is always birthed out of a place of brokenness in my life. Just looking through the archives since 2009, the only way I could bless you as the readers, and the heart of God is if I wrote from an area of desperation and neediness. My desperation was based solely on the need for Christ.

I just quickly want to share something that I learned today.  Do you ever let the things from the past dictate your present and your future. You know those excuses that you have based your life upon and your current circumstances. Excuses such as: " My Pastor abused his position in our church and so that is why I can never trust Christians or God even." or some excuses are lot more deeper than that and sound a little like this " My husband of 12 years walked out on me without saying a word, leaving me with two small children and a mortgage to pay off. So therefore I could never trust a man."
I have to agree with you there, all the above excuses are valid and I can see why you would behave like that. I can see why you have allowed yourself years of bitterness, pain and hurt.  Baby girl, you've seen some stuff in your life.  However, there is just one, teensy, small problem with living a life of hurt and bitterness. It doesn't weigh up with the life God has intended for his daughters.
John 10:10 states thus, " The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy....". We are all aware of who the "thief" is in this context, right? Just to clarify, it is the devil.  Anyway the devil has come to steal from us.  He has come to feed on our painful experiences, and steal away our joy, our happiness  . He has come to  kill the last piece of hope we have for a better life. He uses the bad experiences of our past to kill our desires and dreams so that we settle for mediocre. I have often heard from friends things such as " My dad was abusive to my mother, so I could never see myself getting married and tying myself to one man." Right there is dream put to death.  Furthermore, the thief has come to destroy who we are. He has come to destroy our identity as women. As a result, due to the fact that a boyfriend from old, rejected you for your best friend, you begin to compare yourself to every girl you come across. You hate who you are because you truly believe that if you were so amazing your man would have stuck around, right? Wrong! So your identity is destroyed and you become a cheap copy of Kim Kardashian. Pitiful.
Hold, on I'm going somewhere with this. John 10:10 does not end there. It goes on to say: " I have come that they may have life and have it to the full."  This is Jesus speaking right now. The devil may have come to use bad encounters to destroy you but Jesus is looking past everything that you have been through. He is letting us know that, despite all of this we can still experience life as it should be and experience it in all its glory and abundance.
I'm not just speaking to you, I too  have to take this Word on board for myself. We need to stop allowing the past to dictate our present and future. God wiped that slate clean a long time ago.  We need to start living, and living life to the fullest.
No more excuses!

In Christ

Chizor

Love? Me?

It actually feels really good to be back on the old blogging machine again. The key to a succesful blog is just to be consistent.

Well, honestly and truly I just wanted to discuss something that has been on my heart lately and that thing is LOVE.  Already I can hear some of you cynics groaning. Some of you have become so pessimistic and bitter towards the L word that you have compulsive tendencies to click off any christian website which talks about love.  Sites such as my own.
I get this thing however, when somebody tells me "Jesus loves you." I tend to roll my eyes, give a false smile and just agree. "Yeah, yeah Jesus loves me." I respond. Yet, I do not believe it. I mean I believe it is written in the Word of God but it just never seems to go down deep into my heart.  The words " Jesus loves you" never seem to consume me.
Do you ever get like that? Almost as though hearing about God's love for us has become redundant.
Recently, I've just been crying out to God to show me His love. I'm looking for these great amazing signs of God's love but something just hit me now. Every morning I wake up and I take a deep breath - that is an indication of God's love right there. He gave me the gift of life. That alone should be enough, right? Right but wrong.  We humans are looking for this eternal happiness everytime we wake up but we always finish the day feeling rather disappointed and unfulfilled.  We go to sleep with a heavy heart and we hope that deep down inside  tomorrow may be a lot different. Is it just me or does anyone tend to feel the same way?

I keep on saying how "I'm not a good christian" but it isn't about me being 'a good christian' - it is more about what is God saying about me. I've begun this daily bible plan on my new phone (which is a Blackberry by the way...hehehe) entitled "Why does God love me".  I just began today and this scripture really struck out to me:

Deuteronomy 7:6-8 - For you are a holy and set apart people to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has CHOSEN you to be a special people to Himself out of all the peoples on the earth. The Lord did not set His love upon you and choose you because you were more in number than any other people, for you were the fewest of all people. But because THE LORD LOVES YOU and because He would keep the oath which He had sworn to your fathers, the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you out of the house of bondage, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

I have never actually read this scripture before and if I have it has just now knocked me off my feet.

Wow.

A few months too long...I'm back

First of all I need to apologize for the lack of blogging these past few months. I know some of you have been asking why Butterflies and Pearls has been on a stand-off these past few months but its back. Lily, just reminded me that I needed to update.

Two things: 1) I have just been swamped with work. It is only by God's grace that I am keeping my head above water. Nevertheless, my work load plays only a minor part in the whole 'spiel' of lack of blogging. To be sincere, I decided to take a back seat and just allow God to do a work in my life.
I am not sure where I am now with my walk with God. I know He still loves me and I know I still love Him.  Yet at times my actions speak otherwise.

Please bear with me as I will be updating my blog at least once a week from now on. It may not be as super spiritual and scripture saturated as my previous postings, however God will be in them. That is all that matters, right?

Yes and for those of you who are waiting for my article on "Housewives" - I will publish that in the next few weeks. Promise.

Blessings.

Why is being a Housewife no longer acceptable?

Just to tickle your taste buds a little, in the next few days I am going to publish an article here at Butterfly & Pearls about scriptures and the call as Christian women to be or not to be makers of the home.
God has been putting a few controversial things on my heart and I will be exploring the issues why so many of us believe that there is no longer a need for housewives in society. Where did these thoughts come from? Why have these ideologies creeped into the church?
Give me a few days to write this all up and I will be able to share.

A little bit of Prophetic Pop Music..?

Her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like their not shining...

I let out a deep sigh everytime I hear this song. It is just such a nice song almost a form of Prophetic Pop. Consequently, I am of the opinion that if I were to listen to this song at least three times it will do wonders to my self-esteem. Don't you think?
Gosh, Bruno Mars had it on point when he wrote this song. It was almost like he wrote down what was on the very heart of God for us. She's so beautiful and I tell her everday. Wow! Bruno kindly receive your kudos from the Christian circle because this song is amazing.

We find our self worth in so many, many things. Do you find that you look for fulfillment in everything but God? I know I can testify to this. I look for fulfillment to other things besides God on a daily occurance. It needs to stop! It is almost as though we have is mantra conditioned into our souls that goes along the lines of something like this: "If I lose a bit of weight maybe I could be happy. Maybe if I gained a bit of weight maybe I could be happy. If I could just buy that car then life would be complete. If I could just start dating that Medical student then I will be socially acceptable."  The list goes on and on and on.
It is confession time: I am guilty of thinking all of the above. If I could just...I tell myself almost all the time. Yet tonight I really felt God speak to me through Bruno Mars. Yes, Bruno Mars! He said this: Girl you're amazing just the way you are.
Do you really understand how much God loves you and how perfect you are to Him? Do I even understand how much God loves me? I don't think I do.
That is so sad.
Behold you are beautiful. Behold you are beautiful. Your eyes are doves Song of Songs 1:15.
When God says something 2x , know that he is emphasising a point. He wants us to take a good look at ourselves and see how beautiful we are.

Why I am hating right now

Welcome back to Butterfly & Pearls! I know it has been forever but this is the first blog of 2011 that I am writing and I am sure happy to be doing this.
Ok, I know the blog title for today isn't the most joyous title to start the year off but  I couldn't find a title which was warm and fuzzy enough.
Ugh! I'm rambling and it is late so let met cut to the chase.
I've been hating a lot! Like they should call me Lady HateFul because I just realised how much  junk I have within the depth of my heart.
Anyway, I thought my simple annoyance with things in this world was normal, in fact I thought it was acceptable to have a few pet peeves here and there.
Last night I had to come to the Lord Jesus in brokennesss before Him and just sit and talk with him with all things that I think he should make right. Do you know the importance of just sitting and listening and speaking with God? Obviously I do not because I must confess I can go a week without picking up my bible or spending time in prayer. Many of us are guilty of this sin because we do not understand the essence and the healing which lies in the Word of God.


Proverbs 4:20 - 22 says, “My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart; for they are life to those that find them, and health to all their flesh.”


Anyway last night, I took out my journal and I heard the Lord whisper to my spirit to write down in black and white everything that I hated. So, I began.  I'm not sure I covered everything but I took it upon myself to pray over these issues I had written down and thenhand them over to God.
I can't change situations in the World. I can't change situations in my family or with my friends but I know who can . Jesus!


I will encourage you to grab a pen and paper and write down a list of all the things that you hate or are hurting you and daily just begin to go over them and give them to Jesus.
Yes, Yes I know I am still on day one and I haven't actually seen the results of praying over a "hate list", regardless of this I do know that it states in Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

How disappointments made me stronger

Well, I'm working at Boots again this christmas season. I worked there last year too but there is something completely different this year. "What" ? You may ask. Well let me see. First of all I'm a few pounds heavier (thank goodness) and second I am no longer unhappy.
Gosh temping for Boots last year was a complete and utter nightmare. I was underweight and just a trembling nervous wreck. Anything could set me off in tears but due to customer care and company policy I was obligated to hide my tears behind the boxes of the 3 for 2 mix and match vitamin products. Pititful I know.
However, today I was just reminising about how heartbroken and upset I was last year. God is so good. Every disappointment that has ever happened to you in life, God knew about it. He allowed it for a reason. I constantly think of my best friend Lois who lost her mother this summer. God even knew about that. I'm sure she cannot comprehend what plan God has for her but all she knows that it is a good one.
Disappointments will make you stronger. When my heart was severely broken I couldn't grasp and understand what was going on. My 5 year life plan suddenly fell apart when I received a phone call last October. Everything that I (foolishly) put my hope and trust in just crumbled over the phone.

It reminds me of this scripture "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD."

Back then I thought that by this time I would be planning my wedding, showing off my platinum engagement ring and making preps for my suburban home. Instead, I'm in a tiny dorm room which has stacks and stacks of law books cluttering the whole place and I share my block with 72 other students. Despite this, I'm happy. My failures of yesterday have made me stronger. I've learnt a few things along the way. I've learnt to put my trust in Christ Jesus.

Jeremiah 17: 5-10 "But blessed is the man [woman] who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him." Amen to that Jeremiah.

If you've made mistakes in the past do not let them determine who you are tommorrow. If I had allowed all my disappointments and setbacks form me I would not be looking forward to my graduation from university next june. Most importantly, I would not be enjoying the fulness of God.
It is almost my blog-anniversary and it is going to be so thrilling to read about all that God has done for me over the past one year. Hahahah, I thought I would never come out of my sadness and gloom but God knows best.  I may not know you very well and I may not know all that you are going through but I can tell you this: scars heal, setbacks fade and you become STRONGER. It is extremely hard to thank God in the wilderness but this is where we grow to be more like Him.

The disappointments of yesterday will make you stronger.

Ashley's Testimony

Tonight, I feel privileged to share the amazing testimony of my long enduring friend Ashley.  Ashley is currently serving on a medical mission as a junior doctor in Honduras. She graduated from Imperial College, London last year but rather than getting a job as a General Practitioner in her hometown, she packed her bags and scrubs and traveled across the world to Honduras. Ashley is one of my greatest role models, so having spoken to her on skype a few weeks ago I received permission to share her testimony on here.

I met Ashley in 2007, and we became really good friends through our church group. She was bubbly, popular and extra beautiful but had never had a boyfriend before. A year later she met Darryl who also attended our church group. Ashley always dreamed of going to Honduras, the country of her  birth and it was truly the Lord who put that passion in heart. However, Darryl came a long. I'm not sure if God was in the situation or not but Ashley began to change. She still dreamt of working in the medical field in Honduras but somehow with Darryl in the picture her focus changed, she now was working on bringing Darryl with her to Honduras and if that didn't work she resovled to  stay in England and get married to him. Whatever happened Darryl had to come first.
So many of us christian women can relate to this scenario.  As time went on Ashley stopped thinking about Honduras and began thinking about her and Darryl tying the knot after medical school. Ashley was changing. Darryl was changing too. He began to become manipulative and just emotionally cold to her. Nonetheless, Ashley was trying to make it work and she was prepared to look past Darryl's faults.  Even when he began to compare her with other girls she still held on to him. I know, ridiculous, right? Yet, how many of us have behaved just the way Ashley was behaving? We've given up so much for something that God wasn't in and if it wasn't for God's grace we would have suffered dearly for it.
What I love about Ashley however, was her sincere desire to serve the Lord. Even when she couldn't see that this guy was not what God had in mind for her and that she was off His time schedule, Ashley still pursued God.
Well, you can guess what happened next. Darryl and Ashley broke up and it was Ashley who had to bear the pain of it all. What made it harder for Ashley was that she had to continually see Darryl every week at church group and at church. On top of that Darryl found a new love soon after. It was torture for her and it didn't help that her graduation was months away and she didn't have a clue what she was to do after medical school.  A confused and heartbroken Ashley did what she knew best. She turned to the Word. In her lowest state, when she felt that she wasn't good enough, pretty enough, slim enough and worthy enough, she fell down at the feet of Jesus. Wow! I remember her crying and praying to God to just heal her hear and give her a new direction.  God did just that.
The word "Honduras" echoed back in her spirit.  This young, budding doctor picked herself up, shook off the dust, said goodbye to her heartache and got back on track with God's calling.
She is now settled in Honduras assisting the mission base with basic vaccination for the needy and most importantly spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Ashley may have lost her bearing when she met Darryl and some may have said she "screwed up" big time but in the end God had the last laugh. I think we can all learn a lot from Ashley's testimony. No matter, the mistakes you make in life, if you are pure and sincere in your heart, God will surely come through for you.
Ashley is so much more stronger, more spirit filled and more determined and I believe that her heartbreak with Darryl prepared her for the long days ahead in Honduras. I'm so proud of her and I can't wait for our future skype dates!

Rejection is just God's redirection

I just want to remind you to always rememeber the Lord. Remember Him when things are good and remember Him when things are bad.
One valuable lesson I learnt last year was "Rejection is just God's REdirection." I promise you, if you hold onto Jesus with a death grip NO MATTER the situation, He will turn it around for your good. Don't mourn too long over the job that rejected you, or the door that slammed shut in your face, or the loved one that rejected you. God will turn EVERY disappointment around for your good (Romans 8:28).

Notable people who have been rejected in history:

• Albert Einstein was labelled mentally retarded. Parents and teachers thought that he had a low IQ.  They wrote him off. They rejected him. Einstein became the world's most influential scientist and philosopher in the world.

• Walt Disney:  Described as unimaginative and uncreative.  I'm not even going to get into much detail with his story. I just have one word for you: Mickey Mouse

• Harland David Sanders: Perhaps better known as Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken, Sanders had a hard time selling his chicken at first. In fact, his famous secret chicken recipe was rejected 1,009 times before a restaurant accepted it.

• Joseph: Rejected by his very own flesh and blood. Sold into slavery by his own brothers and thrown into an Egyptian cell. He rose from slave to Governor of Egypt

• Jesus Christ: Rejected by Jewish society, ridiculed by family members, betrayed by close,intimate friends is today the Prince of Peace, Seated on the Right Hand of God, Ancient of Days, the King of Glory, and the list goes on.

• You: We will  allow history to write this part for you.

It's not easy being young, female and Christian

Hmm...I'm sure many of you can relate to the blog title above : "It's not easy being young, female and Christian." I'm just lying awake in bed knowing that I have to wake up at 6 a.m. to get ready to do kids church only to return to finish off my essay. But I can't sleep and the only thing going through my mind is "God! I can't keep up with this pace.What's a girl to do?!" As, I roll over in my bed, I hear the Lord whisper softly, "It is I that have everything under control."  I love when God speaks, something overwhelming takes over deep inside your soul and at that moment you just know God will do ALL that He said He will do for you.
The scripture says thus : "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace."
I've come to appreciate the fact that being a christian girl in my early twenties just isn't easy. Men, please note that I'm sure it's hard for you all too - but I'm not entitled to speak on your behalf. I do know that for us women it is a challenge.
Since it's the final year of law school, I have to make sure I steer clear of anxiety attacks. These often try and come when you know that the school year will draw nearer than you think and you still do not know where you will be next September. The stakes of marriage straight after college are slim, you are averaging at a grade average of a 2.2 and your work experience is limited. On top of that your "uber" conservative parents don't feel it's acceptable for a christian girl to live outside the home before she is married. So, you are stuck in a bit of a rut.
Like, I said it's not easy being, young, female and Christian.

I know so many of you reading this can relate to at least one or even all of the above scenarios I just listed but before I sleep I just wanted to leave some encouraging words from the Holy Spirit.

• Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)

• Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

This last one is one of my favourites.

• Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”  Isaiah 30:21

 

 

 

 

 

 

A great drink for Christian Women.

I don't understand what has been going on these past few days but ever since I read the following scripture, a lot questions I had about life and christianity have begun to be answered.

Isaiah 55: 1-2 “Come, all you who are thirsty,  come to the waters;...why spend money on what is not bread and your labour that does not satisfy?"

For years, I had been searching for life's answers and what my purpose on earth was.  For a good few years even though I have been saved, I feel like I've been in this wilderness; but not quiet sure what I am doing but DEFINETLY searching for SOMETHING. I was searching for that thing that would truly give me everlasting peace and security. I was stretching my hand out for anything that could deal with the unhappiness and emotional torment I was encountering during my teen years and up until recently actually.
Have you ever drunk so much alcohol just so that you could  forget about your current situation? Or have you ever engaged in illicit sex with multiple partners in order for you to have that "void" in your heart filled? Even if it's just for a couple of hours. Maybe for some of you it's overeating or overspending, just so that you can feel better about yourself. You think that if you could just purchase the latest pair of shoes then life will be alright. Right? No, wrong!

But like anything else, all these things give us a great "high" but the crash is horrible. When these wordly things begin to wear off, we tend end up feeling 10 times worse than we did. How come? The reason being is that God did not create us to seek satisfaction in immorality or overindulgence, he created us to find fulfillment in His son Jesus and Him alone.
This revelation came to me the other day after reading the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman. I won't go into too much detail here but I could really relate to this biblical icon.  This was a woman who had put her trust in relationship after relationship, only to receive heartache and pain but here was Jesus offering her something so much more.  This woman had been thirsting for true love, for someone to truly love her for the woman of God she was ordained to be. She kept on dipping her bucket in the wrong waters.

“Everyone who drinks this water [wordly things] will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4

So, was God telling me that as long as I continued to look for worth and satisfaction in relationships, drink, fashion, etc I would never be satisfied or at peace? Wow! This was a mind blowing revelation to me. God needs to be our source for everything. Women of God we are continually putting ourselves through pain and abuse if we do not stop to put Jesus as our centre. I am guilty of this but I am making progress in my walk with God.
How naive I've been! All these years I've been trying to find satisfaction in dating, my clothes, parties and even doing "christian stuff" - I never once understood that my needs had to be met through Him.  Sisters in Christ, our thirst for life in abundance can only come if we draw near and drink from the Spring of Living Waters.

“My people have committed two sins:  They have forsaken me,  the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,  broken cisterns that cannot hold water"  Jeremiah 2:13

I have to be honest with readers right now. For a while I thought I was already a failure in my short life of 22 years.  These thoughts were not of God, however I am learning to be in tune with His Spirit.  Yes, those "cisterns", those things of this world which I thought could give me a sense of accomplishment couldn't hold all that God had for me - they were things that failed me. I am not the failure.


In the words of Stacie Orrico: "There's got to be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me" - the lyricist put it so well. Yes, there is more to life and that's how Jesus intended our lives to be. Fulfilled in Him.
Lets drink from His Springs of Living Water.

In Christ

Chizor.

Chizor reconciles with Germany

Seriously, I feel like Julia Roberts in the movie Eat, Pray, Love. I've just come back from visiting my  2nd country this year which was Germany and I have a deep hunger to travel a lot more.

Some of you do not know much about my past in Germany and  all the things that I encountered whilst there. My parents moved to Germany in 2000 from my beloved homeland England, we moved to a little town called Dietzenbach just outside the city of Frankfurt. I did not take the move so well, partly due to the fact that I was 12 years old and I could not speak a word of the language. It was difficult living in a foreign country but I soon learnt the language and began to fit in with the locals. My ultimate desire was to fit in and not to be different. Well, my skin colour wasn't helping. Not to go into much detail but my life was filled with substance abuse, multiple relationships and basically anything ungodly that I could get my hands on.

I left Germany in 2004.

Last weekend was the first time I had been back in 6 years. This time I went back as a Christian.

To be honest, I really enjoyed myself. It brought back memories; both good and bad but I'm really glad I went. It was time to relax, eat good German pork, practice my linguistic skills (which by the way are impeccable) and catch up with old friends.

One of the friends I was able to meet was Rachel. We we're friends from the age of 14 back in Germany and let's just say "skiving school" was one of our fondest past times. NOT!  To cut a long story short, we were bad teenagers  at the rebelling stage.Anyway, seeing Rachel for the first time really had an affect on me. She was a beautiful as ever (that's what you get when you are of part Togolese/Jewish/German ancestry) but you could definetly see a change in both of our maturity.
What touched me the most was when Rachel began telling me that she had begun attending church and she had been reading through the bible step by step. I almost fell off the chair when I heard this. Here we are 6 years later and for the first time in all of our friendship we are talking about God and religion.  I couldn't believe it that she was on the search for God. She was also very curious to know what had caused me to become a Christian (I was wild and crazy back then) all of sudden.  This was an awesome opportunity to share my testimony and so there we were both in a bar and I was sharing my experiences with God over the past few years. 

If that's the only reason I went to Germany then I am more than satisfied.
Going back to Germany as a Christian really gave me a different perspective. I no longer needed to bare the burden of my shame and reproach, I could walk through the streets of Frankfurt with a "Garment of Praise".

Are you ready to trust God with chicken?

The whole thing about trusting God with chicken came the other night when I threw a dinner party which consisted of chicken pieces marinated in tequila and lime. So, I invited a few people over to come and wine and dine, however when you have a public facebook event, numbers begin to increase and you suddenly have RSVPS from a bigger crowd than you expected. .
You see, recently I've been asking God to teach me to really trust him. To trust him with Every.Tiny.Detail.  Anyway, I didn't want to spend more money and purchase more chicken for the guests but I felt like I had no other choice so I began to fret. The scripture in James suddenly popped into my mind : James 1: 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
Really?! Ask God about chicken?! That's absurd God doesn't care about chicken I thought to myself. However, what does the above scripture tell us? That if we ask God for wisdom, he will give it to us freely without finding fault in regards to what we ask him for. So, I got down on my knees and whispered a quick prayer asking for wisdom for tonight's dinner party.
"Don't buy anymore chicken" I heard a still, small voice whisper back to me. I knew it was the Holy Spirit, so I chose to listen to His voice and not purchase anymore chicken. Despite the fact that 15 people had RSVP'd, and I only had enough poultry for 8 people .
To cut a long story short, it pays off to trust and listen to God. That night not everyone showed up to the party ; and the amount that did attend was exactly 8. Not one less, not one more.

To some of you this may seem so trivial and petty, nonetheless God taught me the essence of waiting patiently and trusting Him with Every.Little.Detail of my life. It's weird but I've been  in this dry spot with God recently but that's because I haven't been resting in Him and savouring his His love. That's all God wanted me to do, just be with Him.
Another incident: My friend had been suffering with a swollen ankle for weeks, she found it hard to get to class on time but when she told me her plight I just heard this scripture:
"They shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." Mark 16: 15 . God wanted me to trust Him and see that particular scripture come to life.  Mark 16:15 did manifest itself and to this day my friend has not had issues with her ankle. Jesus! Why do I doubt your goodness?

Are you ready to trust God with chicken? As in, are you ready to trust God with every area of your life? I guarantee you, when you begin to surrender all areas of your life it's painful. However, the rewards of surrendering to God outweights all the pain. Things may not look like they are looking up for you but are you stillready to trust God?  Maybe you've been praying for the fruit of the womb and 6 years on, still no child? It's a painful ordeal for you, you've done tests after tests, the doctor keeps on telling you "next time" - and the only child you did carry did not make it through. Are you still going to trust God with that area of your life? No matter the costs because I tell you there is peace in trusting Him.
Or, maybe you've been unemployed for sometime and with all your qualifications still no work. You are ready to throw the towel in and sign on to welfare. Wait! Hold on if God's Word is true that He is the Jehova Jireh - can you trust God to provide the next meal?
This is a call out of our shallow christianity and it is a call to go deep into deep with God. With a lot of young people, we often have the misconception that we need to do something completely and utterly radical for God, such as drop out of school at age 14 and become a missionary in Afghanistan. Slow down, God does not care about our radical acts but He is in love with a heart that is radical for Him. Afghanistan will come in due time but in the meantime your science teacher has never heard the gospel. Now that's a radical lifestyle.


I'm taking a vacation, not just to Germany next week but a vacation from worrying and not trusting God. However this particular vacation will last a lifetime.

Amen!

Relationships between Christian Men and Women at Uni.

So here is my long anticpated article that I said I will write with regards to Christian Male and Female relationships at University.
Can I speak to the ladies first? Long gone are the days when femininity and authentic beauty was a prized possession to be attained. Now, a lot of us share the motto "I can do everything a man can do, just BETTER! " and these are the cries of several Christian women on campus. The post-modern woman feels if she embraces her femininity, she is weak and men will take advantage of her. Whether we like it or not God created us to be feminine and not to be masculine. Feminity does not mean shopping for dresses and loving all things pink, but it does mean understanding our God ordained positions as women. Our strong but delicate nature is not to be hated but praised.

Some of you arrived at University with a misconception. A misconception that many girls are suffering with the consquences of it today. There is a common lie among Christian female students that they will meet their husband at University. Whoever voiced such nonsense needs a reality check. As a result of this lie, many girls come to University all bushy tailed and bright eyed, waiting for Mr Right in their lecture hall. Christmas term approaches, followed by Easter term ....still no sign of this potential Mr. Right. Not too bad you think, afterall it's only your first year. However, by your second year you begin to get impatient and you begin to wonder that you might have missed him, or worse God is being cruel by not bringing him around. You start wincing at the fact that you only have one more year left of University, so God needs to step His game up.

Before I continue, I know many who have met their spouses at Uni, and have had amazing marriages but if your story does not end up like this don't rush into anything.

Anyway, so we start getting impatient and we start doing things our own way. Take for example my friend Audrey. She fed into the lie that God had to bring her husband during her University career. Well, God wasn't on her agenda and didn't bring him around. Anyway, frustrated and annoyed she began a relationship with Segun. Segun studied engineering with Audrey but he wasn't really walking with the Lord. For example, sex before marriage was a big win for him just as long as he went to church and repented. Audrey a strong believer herself, felt Segun was "the one". He wasn't exactly a Christian but he believed in God, that was good enough for her. Before long, Segun and Audrey began a relationship, which was not Christ centered at all, Audrey's faith began to take a downward spiral as Segun could not encourage her in the Lord. Before we knew it Audrey had comprised her purity and fell pregnant. Segun ended the relationship soon after, and has since acquired a new asset. I mean girlfriend...

If Audrey had waited on God, what would have happened?



Women, do we not know that every guy we flirt with, or every guy we have long intimate conversations with is a dishonour to our future husbands. Or every guy we grind on in the clubs is disrespectful. This is not a rebuke, I'm guilty of the same kind of mess. Some of you are diasgreeing with me right now as you feel like you do not have an obligation to your spouse-to-be. Hmm...maybe but we certainly have an obligation to our first love, Jesus Christ.

Proverbs 4: 23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Before anything else, we need to guard our hearts. If my dear friend Audrey had guarded her heart, I don't think her course of life will be as a single mother back in Manchester. Guarding your heart means to be careful in your conversation, pouring the Word into your Spirit and seeking God's wisdom for the course of your life.



Now to the University men. Men, I urge you to guard your own heart but also be a guard of hearts. I think a lot of reasons why some of our Christian sisters fail in areas of relationships is due to the lack of guys caring for their hearts. It's in your nature and God given capacity to be strong enough to protect the heart of a woman. If you see a girl who you find attractive, wait on the Lord. Pray about it. Attraction isn't everything you know? Ask God to show you more about this girl. Most importantly RESPECT her. As long as you have not put a ring on it ,you could be dishonouring her future husband. So, if she does not adhere to your advances it may be because she too is waiting on God for direction. Not because she is "stush" or "frigid" as some of you may kindly put it but she has made God her all in all, for this season of her life.

As you can see, I do not have too much to write on the Men but I hope it has given you insight in some way.


This is what the Lord has been speaking to my on, and has asked me tor reevalute some areas of my life. I pray if need be, you do the same too.



In Christ



Chizor

The true face of hope

God gave a word the other day and it was HOPE. I'm not fond of Obama as some of you already know but whether we like to admit or not, he is currently the  face of "hope" for Americans. Yes, I can hear my friends groaning all ready at this. Don't worry guys I'm not going to go on a rant about why I hate liberalism. Rather, I want to talk about the true face of hope. Jesus Christ.

You see, I thought this week was going to be extremely rough on me.  I was so worried that I was going to have a melt down this week and 5 days out of the 7 would be spent curled up in bed crying my eyes out. Have you ever been scared of your emotions before? I have. I experienced this phenomenon a few days ago; I was scared what my emotions could do to me if I was not careful. You see, there is something I've been dreading and God showed me specifically in a dream that, that thing I was so scared of was going to come to pass and I need to prepare my body, mind and soul for it.
Anyway, that "thing" - which I won't go into right now, came to pass and it was time to face the music.
Sorry this blog is so abstract today. Please excuse me...
 Do you ever get to that point, where you have finally come to terms with a bad (or good) situation? You start rebuilding your life again, God begins to put back the pieces of your once broken heart back together and all is well with your soul. However, there is just that one thing that could trigger your emotions and set you off in tears. These pain "triggers's" often come in the form of a picture, a long lost gift or worse a long lost memory of what once was. Recently, these "triggers" have not had much affect on me and I've been more than able to get on with things if I come across a ghost of my past. These past few months, I've been so happy and full of unexplainable joy and I was NOT about to let anything steal that away from me.
Well, when it was time for me to face the music the other day , and come face to face with that thing that my heart was dreading, it was strange but I was still full of unexplainable joy.  I wasn't having a breakdown afterall. What once caused my heart to break, was no longer there. Was this a sign of God healing my heart? It sure was. I spent the past 12 months putting my hope in God and not in man and I saw the benefits of it the other day. God was the physician and healed me from the inside out because I had put my trust in him.

God really does exist. Seriously, nothing in this world could ever do what God did in my life these past few months. The only encourgament I have today, is: hand it ALL over to God. I mean everything the whole shabang.  You can't go wrong. There is no point holding on to it, it just won't do you any good. So hand it over to Jesus.
God gave me a simple but MIND BLOWING revelation the other day: HOPE.
Be sure of this scripute: Romans 5: 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
There is hope in my story. There is also hope in your story too.

In Christ

Chizor

Do you remember the time, when we fell in love ?

Sincere apolgies readers but this particular post will not be dedicated to the legendary Michael Jackson. Nonetheless his song "Do you remember the time?"  is one of my favourites. I encourgage you to listen to it actually...it may make you think about your relationship with God.
In this particular song, MJ is basically remininising about the time he first fell in love with his girlfriend. How they would always talk on the phone and he is constantly trying to encourage the young lady to remember the time that they had together. But now they have broken up.

It really made me think? Do I rememeber when I first fell in love with God? Things were rosy, I wanted to be around my new found love constantly and just sit and converse with Him. From that time, till now - where has that romance gone? Why is it so easy for us to feel disappointed with God and forget all those sweet gestures we once received from him?
My relationship with God is going through a storm. Well, actually quite a few storms to be frank.
I need to remember the time when I first fell in love with my Jesus. I need to remember the time when we first fell in love. Just like Michael Jackson said...

I do remember! God has always been there for me. Yes, I admit I have been immature in my walk with God but through this storm I know I will mature and become the woman of God He has created me to be.
I remember EVERY single WRONG He made RIGHT! God has such a great plan but sometimes through the fog it's so hard to see what His true purpose is but never forget that He will always be your 1st love.

Revelation 2: 1-7

…But I have this [one charge to make] against you: that you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted Me, your first love]…(v.4)

This starts to happen when you stop finding time to read your bible or kneel down to pray. Going to church seems to be a chore for you and life with Jesus just isn't exciting anymore. So you begin to indulge in other lovers such as television, work,alcohol, drugs, sex,etc just to distract yourself from the pain you are facing. Instead of you to go home to your husband- Jesus and tell him the truth, you continue to engage in your adulterous affairs.
Can I share a little of godly wisdom with you? Those "other" lovers will fail you. They will fulfill you for a short while but when the going gets tough...they just won't stand with you. It's time to run back into the arms of your first true love. 
If you do this, then this is what Jesus will do in return for you:

Isaiah 54: For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

Love you, guys.