Tuesday, 2 August 2011
A bit of a "Runaway Bride"
Right, first and foremost I have no excuse whatsoever as to why I haven't even bothered to update my blog site within the last couple of months. Especially as exams and graduation are finito. Yes, ladies and a few gents that read this: I have graduated. Whoo hoo! However, my graduation jubilation will not be the topic of this blog. I really wanted to end my two years at Butterfly & Pearls with a bang after graduation ....umm however it looks like God has other plans for me. So, blogging isn't over for me after all.
Not sure how long my blog will be today but I just felt that I should share what has been on my heart recently. Have you ever watched the 1990s romantic comedy "Runaway Bride" starring the ultra-talented Julia Roberts with Richard Gere? Anyway, Ms. Roberts happens to play a woman who has had 4 or 5 fiancees but every time she gets to the alter she literally does a runner and leaves the poor chap standing bewildered and slightly embarrassed at the alter on his own. Basically, the film is set around her life as a "Runaway Bride". Where am I going with all this? I actually feel like Julia Roberts in this movie in regards to my relationship with God and people in general. I have been finding it so hard for almost a year now to actually get close to God. I will take a few steps towards Him but I keep my distance. I couldn't really place my finger on why I was avoiding God so much. For those of you who know me well enough may be surprised when I say this or perhaps maybe not.
It was last night over dinner with a friend that I began to realise why I had been running away from God and why I was so fearful of ever going back to Him. As my friend spoke to me regarding my life before and how I had such a close relationship with God, I finally just blurted out. " I can't go back to God like before because that's where I got hurt". I was even shocked at myself when I said those words. The reason why I couldn't bring myself to pray as I used to, or why I never looked forward to going to church or just spending time in the Lord was because I did not want to get close to God again because that was a time when I got hurt severely.
As I am writing this, my mind has just become blank. If you notice from my other articles, I always have a solution to a problem at the end of each blog entry. However, right now I have no advice, no revelation, no words of wisdom. Except I just needed to put these thoughts down on my blog. We all behave like the "Runaway Bride" sometimes. We get close to God, close enough to make it to the"altar" with Him but a full blown commitment we just cannot do, so we run. Or perhaps it is just me who feels this way. Nonetheless, I am certain that the majority of us Christian women can relate to Julia Roberts plight.
Solution: I have none. Yet, I do think a starting place in such a situation is just acknowledging that there is an issue between you and God and from there see what He does with it.