Bitterness in my mouth and an Unforgiving heart pounding in my chest

I woke up this morning feeling annoyed. The neighbours are doing some construction work in their garden  at 9:30 a.m. (University is off for easter, so don't think I am lazy!).  Well, I was forced to get up and start my day. Just before I opened up my bible, I could taste bitterness on my tongue, my stomach was turning and my temperature was rising. Some may call this pregancy symptoms, but let me set the record straight I am not pregnant. Far from it.
Actually, I recognized this feeling. It comes when I ponder on something over and over and over again causing me recollect past offenses. I asked God "I thought I was done with this. Why is it coming back up again?".  I just heard the Lord reply " You still have bitterness and unforgiveness in your life". 

 It's not for me to feel ashamed or guilty. No! The dark areas of my life were just brought to the light. God desires to have a deeper, much more intitmate relationship with us that's why He will shed light on things.
Knowing that I was very much angry and hurt by things in my life, I knew that Jesus was the answer. Recently, I have been asking the Lord to mentor me and show me His way of living. If I am ever going to be all that He desires me to be then I need to depend on Him. Again I heard the voice of the Lord speak to me, and He said thus : "Read everything there is about forgiveness in my Word. Don't stop until this Word becomes part of you". 
I knew this was the instructions of the Holy Spirit and that was my assignment for my life.  Therefore, I have begun to read the story of Stephen and how he was stoned to death by the Jews.
The last thing he said before he died was in Act 7: 50 "Lord, do not hold this sin against them" .  You know what I thought when I read this?  "Well, Stephen was a holy man and he was a disciple so it was easy for him!". I can be so ignorant at times, I apologise.  I thought that Stephen was able to bless those who hurt him because he was a holy man.  Wrong again!  The Holy Spirit reminded me of  Acts 6:8 , it described Stephen as "a man full of grace" . Stephen could forgive his persecutors because he had experienced the fullness of God's grace. It wasn't because of his learnedness of the Bible. No, he had experienced God's grace first hand.

We all have experienced God's grace in some form of the other. Way more than we deserve. Then why do we find it so hard to forgive others? Why do we purposely refuse to reconcile with those who have pierced deep, deep wounds into our hearts?  I think I need to look at where God has brought me from and where He is taken me to.  From now on I think my prayer is going to be "Lord fill me with the fullness of Your grace".

It's hard and it won't be easy. One of my pastor's told me that I will need to pick up cross and forgive. Sometimes my cross gets heavy and I set it down because I lose track of the greater glory ahead of me.  One thing I know is that He will be with me every step of the way helping me carry my cross.