What's new on Chizor Street.

I've just been looking over my old articles which I wrote months ago. It's so crazy but so humbling at the same time. Too be honest and truthful,  a few months ago I  was a lady who was going through an emotional hell.  I think the first month of my abyss I was like an underweight zombie.  Nevertheless, if you were to see me now I am so much different. I'm happier, my weight is coming under control, the future is bright (you need to put your "stunnaz" (protective eyewear) on to see it) ...hehehe) and  I am more in love with the Lord than ever before. Sometimes God will need to strip you of somethings, break you down, make you go through some fiery trials only to bring you forth like gold. Job 23:10. 

God has been my strength and my rock. I've changed so much. I mean I have changed for the better. I managed to do some acting this year, as well as a little modelling and I have a hidden party talent which I learnt at the A.C.A.S Arts (African Carribbean Asian Society).  I learnt the choreography to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and performed it with the group at an event called "Culture Fest".

I've come out of my shell...or rather my cocoon . Like a caterpillar goes through metamorphosis, so have I.

I have some AMAZING news to share! God has blessed me but you are going to have to watch this space . Literally. My blog will be taking a new turn in the next few weeks. So I hope you stay tuned and stay patient.

Ciao!

It's time I give up the offence

God just isn't letting me get off easy.This is a follow up from the other blog I wrote  It's 22:17 p.m and I am just downstairs listening to a song titled "Your Majesty".  Personally, when I listen to this song I actually think of worship. You hear it and your spirit begins to rise up, and your flesh begins to quiver.  Your flesh quivers because it comes to realise the holiness of our Lord Jesus Christ.

God isn't going to let this go. I heard Him tell me right now "Chizor you are still holding unforgiveness  in your heart. Let it go."  It isn't easy but we all have to forgive. Truly and sincerely.  God isn't letting me get off lightly with this one.  I cried out to God that I still feel the pain. God replied "Release it. Just release it".
We need to release the offence and the person who offended us. Why hold on to it? The biggest thing that the Lord told me to do was not to repeat the offence.  This meant that I should not talk about it anymore.
He spoke to me through His Word this morning. You know I mentioned before how I've been doing a study on forgiveness, and I need it to become a part of me. Well this is what I read:  Colossians 3:13 states that we must "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. FORGIVE AS THE LORD FORGAVE YOU."
I asked God how was I supposed to do this if I still felt hurt? He responded so gently "Bear with one another" To bear is to endure, to show patience and to hold back.  God knows that some hurts are so painful that they could scar if the Lord doesn't intervene and heal us. However, He will give us the grace as He asks us to endure these things. He will give you the patience to get through the situation, to endure even in the face of your worst enemy. Jesus is a God that will never desert you.

Lay down whatever it is on the altar. It's no use holding that pain anymore. Jesus wants it. The more you hold it, the more it will pain your heart. I guarantee you God will take care of the rest.

Jesus loves you so much!

Why Women Need to be Educated.

I enjoy watching documentaries concerning the lives of  women, especially in it's global context.  I just finished watching one, and it broke my heart. It actually convicted me. A girl who is my age, left Afganistan  almost two decades ago in order live a safer life in London. She now returns to see what Afghanistan is like. Yes, the country has improved but people's hearts are broken. Women are heavily discriminated against. They face death almost every day. It made me look at my own life.

It's so funny, when I look back on my own life. I wanted to get married young, Law School was just an obstacle which blocked my way from the nuclear family I always dreamed of.  I wanted it to be over and done with. I felt that if I was just married my life would be complete.  I had almost a subservient attitude towards relationships.

I may lose my audience when I write this, but this is my blog so I am entitled to write what I want according to Article 12 of the Human Rights Act 1998. Well, to an extent at least...

Anyway where was I? I knew that I knew that I knew God had a purpose for my life. If I tried to fight it in order to be like my friends, then I was waging a losing war. God had a hold of my life. I was to go to Law School for three things:

1) My education was not for myself. It was for the improvement of society. I have a heart for children living  in poverty. Why? Because I know what it's like to be dirt poor. I mean dirt poor. Nobody would have thought I of all people could get a degree. I graduate Law School next year, and want to finish with a 1st class. Not for myself, but rather so that I can pass on the legacy to the girl or boy who believes their circumstances dictate their lives.  I never saw it from that point of view, I just wanted to be married and settled down. Oh but the Lord in Heaven had a different agenda.

Do you know if you ask any girl in Afghanistan why they want to be educated, they most probably will give you the same response? "I want to get an education to improve my country?" These are 15 year old girls saying this. Who may have just escaped marriage by the skin of their teeth.

These girls carry there book bags and pencils to school, in FEAR. They don't know if they are going to come back home alive due to Taliban attacks on their schools.  Imagine, you set off for school like any other British kid, but you come home with one leg blown off. In Afghanistan education for women is a privilege not a right.

2) My children. When I write essays, no matter how boring and tedious they can be I think of my children. I want these children to know "Mama did it".  I want them to know that all things are possible. I want my children to know that they have a role to play as leaders of the next generation. I don't care if my daughters decide to become stay-at home mums, as long as they are passing on to my grandchildren a Godly and fruitful academic education.

3)  This is the most imporant of them all. I am studying in order to give GLORY TO MY LORD. My life is a testimony to the goodness of Jesus. I knew how my admission came about and I certainly had nothing to do it with it. However, my life I owe Him. My education I completely owe to Him. If the Lord permits that I stay at home and homeschool my children, 'yes and amen.' For I know His glory will still be revealed.

For a long time I found it hard to get out of my head that education was bad. I went through a phase where I felt I was exalting myself above God if I acquired knowledge. This was only due to my lack of revelation and understanding.  I felt if I did the bear minimum with my life such as not aspiring to earn a decent salary, or get a Ph.D in metaphysics then I would be in the will of God.  I got it all wrong. I never new that with a decent salarly, I could bless missionaries in Afghanistan who could help these young girls. 
I'm not the Chizor you used to know. Yes, I still want to get married and have kids but it doesn't end there for me. Yes, I may offend some people. This isn't my intention but only to share truth.  Women, we need to educate ourselves.  Let's stop being selfish and educate ourselves for the Lord and allow Him then to move.
My eyes were opened when I saw so many of my friends getting married so young without giving education a second glance. My eyes opened when I saw my friends having nervous breakdowns when relationships ended and their 10 year life plan failed. I knew there had to be more to life than this. I've been there and I cannot judge.However, one can learn from others mistakes.  Please do not take this as a feminist manifesto, I am as anti-feminist as they come.  Nevertheless, I do want to encourage you not to hold back and ignore that still small voice that is telling you to go 'ahead and jump out in faith'. The Lord will provide and lead you.

 

I have attached the link to the program I watched. I hope it blesses someone.

Click here to watch!

Bitterness in my mouth and an Unforgiving heart pounding in my chest

I woke up this morning feeling annoyed. The neighbours are doing some construction work in their garden  at 9:30 a.m. (University is off for easter, so don't think I am lazy!).  Well, I was forced to get up and start my day. Just before I opened up my bible, I could taste bitterness on my tongue, my stomach was turning and my temperature was rising. Some may call this pregancy symptoms, but let me set the record straight I am not pregnant. Far from it.
Actually, I recognized this feeling. It comes when I ponder on something over and over and over again causing me recollect past offenses. I asked God "I thought I was done with this. Why is it coming back up again?".  I just heard the Lord reply " You still have bitterness and unforgiveness in your life". 

 It's not for me to feel ashamed or guilty. No! The dark areas of my life were just brought to the light. God desires to have a deeper, much more intitmate relationship with us that's why He will shed light on things.
Knowing that I was very much angry and hurt by things in my life, I knew that Jesus was the answer. Recently, I have been asking the Lord to mentor me and show me His way of living. If I am ever going to be all that He desires me to be then I need to depend on Him. Again I heard the voice of the Lord speak to me, and He said thus : "Read everything there is about forgiveness in my Word. Don't stop until this Word becomes part of you". 
I knew this was the instructions of the Holy Spirit and that was my assignment for my life.  Therefore, I have begun to read the story of Stephen and how he was stoned to death by the Jews.
The last thing he said before he died was in Act 7: 50 "Lord, do not hold this sin against them" .  You know what I thought when I read this?  "Well, Stephen was a holy man and he was a disciple so it was easy for him!". I can be so ignorant at times, I apologise.  I thought that Stephen was able to bless those who hurt him because he was a holy man.  Wrong again!  The Holy Spirit reminded me of  Acts 6:8 , it described Stephen as "a man full of grace" . Stephen could forgive his persecutors because he had experienced the fullness of God's grace. It wasn't because of his learnedness of the Bible. No, he had experienced God's grace first hand.

We all have experienced God's grace in some form of the other. Way more than we deserve. Then why do we find it so hard to forgive others? Why do we purposely refuse to reconcile with those who have pierced deep, deep wounds into our hearts?  I think I need to look at where God has brought me from and where He is taken me to.  From now on I think my prayer is going to be "Lord fill me with the fullness of Your grace".

It's hard and it won't be easy. One of my pastor's told me that I will need to pick up cross and forgive. Sometimes my cross gets heavy and I set it down because I lose track of the greater glory ahead of me.  One thing I know is that He will be with me every step of the way helping me carry my cross.

Why everybody needs a "Madea" in their lives

First and foremost, I sincerely apologies for not updating my blog. These past few weeks have been extremely busy. I have come to realise that the life of a law student is not a joke. It's a profession to be taken seriously. However, on a more lighter note: SCHOOL IS OUT FOR EASTER!!! Whoo hoo!

I had so much to blog about but the only thing that I decided to write about was Mabel Simonds a.k.a Madea.  She is  is an aggressive, grey-haired, bespectacled black matriarch who I personally see as a role model. Even though she is only a fictional character played by actor Tyler Perry, I feel like I have a connection with her.

Yes, she may smoke cigarettes like a chimney, waveSmith  and Wesson firearms about whenever anybody messes with her, but one thing we can all say- Madea is always there for you. Craziness and all.

Last night, I watched one of her plays "Madea goes to Jail". Towards the end she gave a few words of wisdom, which is often quite common for her to do at the end of her shows.

She began talking about life, especially when you are in the downs of it.  She said something that really spoke to me about moving on with life. " You can be depressed for a minute, but don't stay down there for too long. You need to move on with your own life".  I think that has been the hardest part for me, and I am sure you can say the same. It's the moving on part.  However, though it's difficult, it's the most healthiest and smartest thing we could ever do. Yes, it may hurt for a while but "Joy comes in the morning".

Readers, I just want to encourage you. The seasons have changed. It's springtime. Bring out your pretty dresses (ladies only please!) and breath in the freshair. God is ready to take you to new heights.

Another thing that Madea said that truly blessed me (by the way she was smoking a ciggy when she was preaching) was this: "You done tried everything to make them stay, but if they keep on wanting to leave, they you got'sta let it go. Just let it go". I think I quoted her quite well...

It's true though, I haven't shared my testimony on here. Maybe I will one day, just not right now. But I remember how I would lie awake for hours, just pondering on all the things I hated about myself. I would think about all the things I could do to improve who I was, so that I could be "acceptable".  That was not of God and recently I have begun to love who I am. I respect myself and value myself.

Madea, really blessed me last night. Thanks to my friend "Meek" who is an exchange student from Spelman College, Atlanta (who by the way was a blessing in disguise- more on that later) . She was the one who brought the movie over to my house.  Sometimes, we need those wise people in our lives, no matter how crazy "Uncle Harry" is or how how many husbands "Aunty Jenni" has had. We could all learn something from those  people who have seen life.

This isn't one of my best blogs, but I still hope it blesses someone. Oh, and by the way. God blew my mind a few weeks ago! I will share this goodness in due time. God's word is true and I can definetly say that Ephesians 3:20 has come alive in my life. Now to him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.

This blog is for you Madea!

Not ready

I've been checking my sitemeter and to my joy but also to my dismay, I have been getting a lot of traffic.
Sorry, I have essays to submit but by Wednesday I should be able to post something.
Right now, I am getting comfy at my desk because I will probably leave the library at 3. 3 IN THE MORNING!
Oh the joy of a law student in pursuit of justice...

Apologies...

Sorry, I haven't updated my blog yet. I have crazy deadlines to meet. However once it's done I will write something.

It's good to keep busy, it keeps your mind off yourself.

Much love

¡Que viva la fiesta! - Party on!

This is a short blog. Just sharing my plans for tomorrow night. My favourite band Jagged Edge cancelled at the KUKU club, so my flatmates decided to throw a little fiesta at my house for my birthday.
I am looking forward to it, I mean having a good time lightens the soul I believe.
I opted to make Chimichangas (yikes) - pray for me!


I will let you know how it went, as well as have some pictures up.

God is good!

Birthday Blog...22 and a long way coming

Wow, it's already been a crazy day today. However, I have fully enjoyed it so far.
I have turned 22 years old today! And in all honesty I thank God for my life. I really and honestly do. I've come such a long way, and God has been forever faithful.
As some of you may know that it's been a hard 2nd year for me, extremely hard for that matter. Yet, I feel like I have grown up. When I was 21, I didn't feel grown up at all but now I believe I am. Sometimes God will use hard and difficult circumstances to purify us. He says in His Word in Job 23:10 "When He has tried me, I shall come forth as pure Gold".  He is teaching me a lot things. I remember one of my prayers last year was "Lord be my teacher. Be my counselor"- and He has been so faithful in that.

I know I can be stubborn sometimes and stiff-knecked but at 22 I am learning to yield to His perfect Will for my life. I can't stress it enough, the only reason I am in University right now writing this blog is because of His grace. Last year, when I felt the world crashing around me I was ready to get up and quit. I just wanted to pack my bags and run.  I clearly heard the voice of the Lord say: "Wait!"  If I could tell you all that happened last year, some of you may be surprised that I am still standing.  I am still standing, with my sanity in tact because the hand of the Lord kept me.

There were many a times that I felt so lonely. That I could cry for hours in the "midnight hour" just yearning for some comfort. I felt like heaven was silent. You know when you pray but it as if the prayers are just bouncing off the walls. At the same time the pain is getting more and more intense. People who I thought would be by my side encouraging me were no longer there. I think it was because God was refining me. He still is.  I was once told that the sign of a good leader is how he or she stands in the midst of adversary.  I haven't always stood in the midst of adversary. Sometimes I just broke down and as you read before, I was ready to pack and run.  The Lord will just tell me to get up again. And again, and again and again.

I wrote this blog to not celebrate myself. I wrote it to honour the Lord and tell my readers what He has been doing in my life. I'm 22 now and I definetly believe it's the start of all that God has called me to be.

Yes, wounds are still running deep. Deeper than I actually thought. But the Word of God says in Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." I am a working progress. It's not over till God says it's over. He hasn't finished with my story yet, and he definetly hasn't finished with yours.
Brace yourself for the next chapter in your life and trust God with the pen!