The Holy Spirit has been showing me these past few days my level of confidence. Right now the confidence bar-o-meter is showing that over the past few months my level of sel-esteem has become stagnant.
I realised that I had lost a lot of confidence ( due to reasons which I can't be bothered to share) when I arrived in Savannah. Let me explain myself fully:
I am in a foreign country, in an unknown city where I did not know anybody prior to before I was coming. I followed the Lord in the dark, feeling my way around with only the voice of the Holy Spirit to guide me. And so here I am. A Legal Intern for the Honorable Judge W. Beam at Chatham County Juvenile Court. Let me be completely honest with you, at 22 years old and a foreigner you need a big dose of "confidence" to survive out here. Initially, I arrived on the job so worried about messing up or making a mistake or just simple not having the right personality to fit in. This was all due to my lack of confidence. Nonetheless Jesus has already been teaching me so much since I've been here. He tells me on a regular basis whenever I ask myself the question "What am I actually doing here?" Jesus kindly replies "Don't walk around like your an accident. You are supposed to be here because I called you ". This revelation hit me so hard. Even though you don't always know the ins and outs of God's perfect plan for your will, I think we can all be confident enough to agree that we are in God's perfect plan and He will never ever fail us.
Am I glad that I am thousands of miles away from home, living in my own apartment in a strange town, working a secular job? With a resounding YES...I most certainly am.
Well, that's all for now. I am about to start working on my first case which may involve issues of child abuse. I'll say this again, a year ago I never thought I would be doing this. I am very excited and I am already beginning to feel like an attorney.
I am confident to be who I am and most importantly the way God created me to be.
Sorry for lack of facebooking also!
3 comments:
God works in mysterious ways... you're right, with him there are no accidents.Good luck on your first case, go knock 'em! I'm new here, nice blog you've got.
Let me just say that I'm proud of you too. I could never do what you have done. I cannot imagine going to another state not knowing anyone, much less an entirely different country separated by an ocean. Even at 22, I just didn't have that in me. I see from reading your posts that God is working in you to the benefit of children in need. I will pray that He continues to guide you in that direction. Remember, He gives us each different gifts to reflect the different facets of who He is (since we're all members of the body of Christ we must each embrace who we are in/of Him) - just like your sister's gift of dance that you don't "get" b/c nobody else in the family can. That's what she was gifted to do. And remember too, just as Jeremiah needed to...you aren't necessarily called to see the results, you are called to DO as God asks you. The results are up to Him!!! Hugs ~ Merana
Found something today while reading "Rachel's Tears" that the Lord moved me to send to you about what I've already told you in what you're doing in His service for your vocation. In this book, Rachel Scott wrote a story in her journals describing a scene in which she didn't act upon an outreach opportunity God presented her with. It said, "You lost. You passed up the chance to gain something. You just let a wonderful flame go past you and into the hands of anoher. Let this be known, child, when you do not follow through with the boldness and knowledge I have given you, more than one person is affected by it. You are as well as they." This young woman was 17 when she died in the horrific shootings at Columbine High School in Colorado in 1999. The boy she was eating lunch with said the killer had shot them both & as Rachel was desperately trying to crawl to safety, he came back, picked her up by the hair & asked her "Do you believe in God?" and her response was, "You know I do" before he shot her in the head killing her. I tell you this not to depress you...it is a sick, demented, evil world we live in. I'm telling you so that it will build you up in the conviction of what God is calling you to do, dear one. Lean on Him always, and He will guide you where HE needs you to be. I pray for those people I'm sure you will reach & whose lives I'm certain you will impact for Him.
And pray this always: Psalm 25:4-5~ Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long (NIV)
Hugs again ~ Merana
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