Butterfly & Pearls

A bit of a "Runaway Bride"

2011-08-02T00:29:00.002+01:00

Right, first and foremost I have no excuse whatsoever as to why I haven't even bothered to update my blog site within the last couple of months. Especially as exams and graduation are finito. Yes, ladies and a few gents that read this: I have graduated. Whoo hoo! However, my graduation jubilation will not be the topic of this blog. I really wanted to end my two years at Butterfly & Pearls with a bang after graduation ....umm however it looks like God has other plans for me. So, blogging isn't over for me after all.

Not sure how long my blog will be today but I just felt that I should share what has been on my heart recently. Have you ever watched the 1990s romantic comedy "Runaway Bride" starring the ultra-talented Julia Roberts with Richard Gere? Anyway, Ms. Roberts happens to play a woman who has had 4 or 5 fiancees but every time she gets to the alter she literally does a runner and leaves the poor chap standing bewildered and slightly embarrassed at the alter on his own. Basically, the film is set around her life as a "Runaway Bride". Where am I going with all this? I actually feel like Julia Roberts in this movie in regards to my relationship with God and people in general. I have been finding it so hard for almost a year now to actually get close to God. I will take a few steps towards Him but I keep my distance. I couldn't really place my finger on why I was avoiding God so much. For those of you who know me well enough may be surprised when I say this or perhaps maybe not.
It was last night over dinner with a friend that I began to realise why I had been running away from God and why I was so fearful of ever going back to Him. As my friend spoke to me regarding my life before and how I had such a close relationship with God, I finally just blurted out. " I can't go back to God like before because that's where I got hurt". I was even shocked at myself when I said those words. The reason why I couldn't bring myself to pray as I used to, or why I never looked forward to going to church or just spending time in the Lord was because I did not want to get close to God again because that was a time when I got hurt severely.
As I am writing this, my mind has just become blank. If you notice from my other articles, I always have a solution to a problem at the end of each blog entry. However, right now I have no advice, no revelation, no words of wisdom. Except I just needed to put these thoughts down on my blog. We all behave like the "Runaway Bride" sometimes. We get close to God, close enough to make it to the"altar" with Him but a full blown commitment we just cannot do, so we run. Or perhaps it is just me who feels this way. Nonetheless, I am certain that the majority of us Christian women can relate to Julia Roberts plight.
Solution: I have none. Yet, I do think a starting place in such a situation is just acknowledging that there is an issue between you and God and from there see what He does with it.

In Christ
Chizor

It's good but not GOD- last thoughts for finalist students.

2011-05-11T01:12:00.000+01:00

Less than a month to go until my Law degree comes to an end. Seriously, everytime I look at the calendar I feel like slapping myself to see if this is reality or just a dream. Three years went by so quickly.
Anyway readers, I know some of you have been asking about Butterfly & Pearls and why I haven't posted in awhile. To be honest, I have been so incredibly busy with essays, final dissertation and exams that if I'm not studying I am sleeping. Sad, I know.

Well, all this final year madness has really caused me to think about the past three years at Uni. It is as though I get these flashbacks in my mind of incidents, (usually painful ones) of my time here at University. One in particular, was a day I sat in my Pastor's office on my gap year and I felt so confused about whether or not I was called to pursue Law or not. I had opinions all around me telling me that University just wasn't for me and God didn't not need my education to use me. I'm not slating those who advised me because I know they all had good intentions but just because they were good, they were not necessarily GOD. I rememeber actually being told that I was going to get married and be in children ministry and my husband will be a youth pastor- no university degree required. Hearing this news just didn't settle right in my spirit. I knew the calling was a great one but I just knew that God didn't want this for me. That was a calling for somebody else - not me. Further to this, God placed me at Sussex and slowly began to painfully tear me away from this presumption of "pastor's wife", looking back I'm glad He did it. I'm not going to go into detail on here just yet about the journey God took me on for two reasons a) I want to save this for my graduation article and finally b) I'm just too tired.
However, I do want to leave you with this: As many of us are going to go our seperate ways come June, you may be faced with so many decisions, so many voices, so many opportunities that you just don't know which one to choose. Perhaps, there is this amazing missionary job in Pakistan awaiting for you but somehow there is a tugging in your heart to join that Magic Circle law firm in Central London. Which one appears more like a "God thing" to you. Yes, I would have quickly jumped on the Pakistan bandwagon as well but in reality God may want you to bring something unique right in the heart of London. Or perhaps its the other way round and you really feel God wants you to be in Law but rather He has plans for you elsewhere. Just because it looks good, it doesn't mean it is actually God. I am certaintly advising myself here and I hope I learn some valuable lessons these next few months.
When you are not sure about life, just keep on going and trusting God because His Word says thus : "Whether you turn to the right or the left , your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:12

Rejection cuts the deepest

2011-04-20T01:52:00.002+01:00

Yes, I am fully aware that I have deadlines to meet by May and that my degree stops for no one but I feel like I have neglected my blog and fellow blog readers. To be honest, when my mind is so saturated with the Children's Act 1986 and civil partnerships I find it hard to ponder on thoughts for my blog.

Anyway recently I've been asking God to reveal to me why I still feel pain after so long. Have you ever experienced something that turned your world upside down, and when you finally think you've come to terms with the situation, you realise that it still hurts? Or is it just me? You ask yourself over and over again "Where is this pain coming from?". You search every ounce of your heart, your emotion, your thoughts. You think if you can just pin point where the wound is you can put a band aid on it and all will be well. It almost feels like an itch on your back that you can't scratch. Rejection does that. It cuts so deep. It has such an effect that it can cut a 40 year old woman so deep that it penetrates straight into her childhood. If there is anything that the devil likes to use against us , it is certainly rejection.
Time may have moved on, seasons may have changed, your light maybe shining so much brighter than before and you can finally say "Yes life is moving forward. I can see the end of this situation." This is all true and the bible even says in Job 17:9 “The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.” I can certainly say that with time I have become stronger and I will keep on getting stronger. However, why do we still feel a slight throbbing pain after time has moved on.
I remember talking to my good friend Jasmine, for whom I was a bridesmaid for in her wedding not so long ago. I remember asking her about her life before she got married. Jasmine, shared her story about this guy she was head over heels in love with and believed with every bone in her body that he was "the one" but unfortunatly (or fortunatly for her now-husband) he turned around and told her he didn't feel the same way. She described to me how the break up rocked her world. Jasmine is so in love with her husband now and I will never forget these words she spoke to me: "I love my husband, I will never trade him for anything. However, the rejection from the previous guy still hurts a litte." I was completely gobsmacked when I heard this. Jasmine who had everything still felt the pain of previous hurts. At this moment it was clear to me that rejection cuts the deepest.

Good Friday, is fast approaching and I am really going to take time to think about Jesus, the one went through the most painful rejection of all time. One that you and I could never fathom. He was rejected by men and His own Father for our sake. God literally turned his back on him (Matthew 27:46). Yet Jesus cried out to God in that same verse. I think you and I should continue to do the same thing. When the rejection becomes unbearable, just know that this path has already been walked and cry out to Him.

My best friend's girlfriend

2011-03-30T16:01:00.000+01:00

Have you ever really liked a guy but the guy didn't feel the same way about you? In fact the reason why he never felt the same way was purely because he sees you as the best friend and further, he is chasing after another girl. You end up feeling like Julia Roberts in my Best Friend's Wedding. Disheartening, I know. To make matters worse the girl he is chasing after isn't all that. Sure she is nice, caring, knows how to dress and looks good but she isn't you. You see, you know everything there is to know about your best guy friend. You know what makes him smile, what makes him tick. You know how he likes his eggs done and his favourite childhood toy. This guy knows it too. You are what they call “the go to gal”. Whenever he has a problem, you are there offering a shoulder to cry on and a plate of scrambled eggs to eat. When his girlfriend isn't living upto his expectations, guess who is the first person to hear about it? You guesed right. You are. Its all well and good but don't you wish he showed you a little affection just this once. I mean you don't want to just be his childhood friend from nursery. You secretly hope that he will one day take you out on a romantic dinner for two too...Nandos. Sorry but because some of us student readers, are on a budget Nandos was my best bet. Why can't he see that you can offer him so much more than his girlfriend? Your not there just to sort out his problem. You want a relationship.

This is hitting home, huh? Reading over the above scenario really just made me realise that this is how I have been treating God. God has been my “go to man” whenever my worldy desires were not cutting it. God is more than happy to be there for us in time of need and listen to us go on and on about our difficult essays, difficuly boyfriends, husbands and he has dettol and a bandage to clean up your wounds. Yet God aches for a relationship with his people. Not a casual one but intimate and loving. In Exodus 34:14 (msg) it states:
Don't worship any other god. God-his name is The-Jealous-One-is a jealous God.
Whenever I begin to run after things outside God's perfect will for me, I cause jealousy. None of us consciously do it but we do it. From now on I'm going to begin asking the Holy Spirit for guidance in terms of actively pursuing a relationship with God. God does pick up our mess but doesn't the King of the Universe deserve so much more than whining and complaining? He does.

1 John 4:15 Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God.

Excuse me for having excuses.

2011-03-22T02:00:00.000Z

I've just come to realise something each time I log on to Butterfly & Pearls. Each article I write is always birthed out of a place of brokenness in my life. Just looking through the archives since 2009, the only way I could bless you as the readers, and the heart of God is if I wrote from an area of desperation and neediness. My desperation was based solely on the need for Christ.

I just quickly want to share something that I learned today. Do you ever let the things from the past dictate your present and your future. You know those excuses that you have based your life upon and your current circumstances. Excuses such as: " My Pastor abused his position in our church and so that is why I can never trust Christians or God even." or some excuses are lot more deeper than that and sound a little like this " My husband of 12 years walked out on me without saying a word, leaving me with two small children and a mortgage to pay off. So therefore I could never trust a man."
I have to agree with you there, all the above excuses are valid and I can see why you would behave like that. I can see why you have allowed yourself years of bitterness, pain and hurt. Baby girl, you've seen some stuff in your life. However, there is just one, teensy, small problem with living a life of hurt and bitterness. It doesn't weigh up with the life God has intended for his daughters.
John 10:10 states thus, " The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy....". We are all aware of who the "thief" is in this context, right? Just to clarify, it is the devil. Anyway the devil has come to steal from us. He has come to feed on our painful experiences, and steal away our joy, our happiness . He has come to kill the last piece of hope we have for a better life. He uses the bad experiences of our past to kill our desires and dreams so that we settle for mediocre. I have often heard from friends things such as " My dad was abusive to my mother, so I could never see myself getting married and tying myself to one man." Right there is dream put to death. Furthermore, the thief has come to destroy who we are. He has come to destroy our identity as women. As a result, due to the fact that a boyfriend from old, rejected you for your best friend, you begin to compare yourself to every girl you come across. You hate who you are because you truly believe that if you were so amazing your man would have stuck around, right? Wrong! So your identity is destroyed and you become a cheap copy of Kim Kardashian. Pitiful.
Hold, on I'm going somewhere with this. John 10:10 does not end there. It goes on to say: " I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." This is Jesus speaking right now. The devil may have come to use bad encounters to destroy you but Jesus is looking past everything that you have been through. He is letting us know that, despite all of this we can still experience life as it should be and experience it in all its glory and abundance.
I'm not just speaking to you, I too have to take this Word on board for myself. We need to stop allowing the past to dictate our present and future. God wiped that slate clean a long time ago. We need to start living, and living life to the fullest.
No more excuses!

In Christ

Chizor

Love? Me?

2011-03-10T23:44:00.000Z

It actually feels really good to be back on the old blogging machine again. The key to a succesful blog is just to be consistent.

Well, honestly and truly I just wanted to discuss something that has been on my heart lately and that thing is LOVE. Already I can hear some of you cynics groaning. Some of you have become so pessimistic and bitter towards the L word that you have compulsive tendencies to click off any christian website which talks about love. Sites such as my own.
I get this thing however, when somebody tells me "Jesus loves you." I tend to roll my eyes, give a false smile and just agree. "Yeah, yeah Jesus loves me." I respond. Yet, I do not believe it. I mean I believe it is written in the Word of God but it just never seems to go down deep into my heart. The words " Jesus loves you" never seem to consume me.
Do you ever get like that? Almost as though hearing about God's love for us has become redundant.
Recently, I've just been crying out to God to show me His love. I'm looking for these great amazing signs of God's love but something just hit me now. Every morning I wake up and I take a deep breath - that is an indication of God's love right there. He gave me the gift of life. That alone should be enough, right? Right but wrong. We humans are looking for this eternal happiness everytime we wake up but we always finish the day feeling rather disappointed and unfulfilled. We go to sleep with a heavy heart and we hope that deep down inside tomorrow may be a lot different. Is it just me or does anyone tend to feel the same way?

I keep on saying how "I'm not a good christian" but it isn't about me being 'a good christian' - it is more about what is God saying about me. I've begun this daily bible plan on my new phone (which is a Blackberry by the way...hehehe) entitled "Why does God love me". I just began today and this scripture really struck out to me:

Deuteronomy 7:6-8 - For you are a holy and set apart people to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has CHOSEN you to be a special people to Himself out of all the peoples on the earth. The Lord did not set His love upon you and choose you because you were more in number than any other people, for you were the fewest of all people. But because THE LORD LOVES YOU and because He would keep the oath which He had sworn to your fathers, the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you out of the house of bondage, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

I have never actually read this scripture before and if I have it has just now knocked me off my feet.

Wow.

A few months too long...I'm back

2011-03-07T23:07:00.000Z

First of all I need to apologize for the lack of blogging these past few months. I know some of you have been asking why Butterflies and Pearls has been on a stand-off these past few months but its back. Lily, just reminded me that I needed to update.

Two things: 1) I have just been swamped with work. It is only by God's grace that I am keeping my head above water. Nevertheless, my work load plays only a minor part in the whole 'spiel' of lack of blogging. To be sincere, I decided to take a back seat and just allow God to do a work in my life.
I am not sure where I am now with my walk with God. I know He still loves me and I know I still love Him. Yet at times my actions speak otherwise.

Please bear with me as I will be updating my blog at least once a week from now on. It may not be as super spiritual and scripture saturated as my previous postings, however God will be in them. That is all that matters, right?

Yes and for those of you who are waiting for my article on "Housewives" - I will publish that in the next few weeks. Promise.

Blessings.

Why is being a Housewife no longer acceptable?

2011-02-08T00:03:00.000Z

Just to tickle your taste buds a little, in the next few days I am going to publish an article here at Butterfly & Pearls about scriptures and the call as Christian women to be or not to be makers of the home.
God has been putting a few controversial things on my heart and I will be exploring the issues why so many of us believe that there is no longer a need for housewives in society. Where did these thoughts come from? Why have these ideologies creeped into the church?
Give me a few days to write this all up and I will be able to share.

A little bit of Prophetic Pop Music..?

2011-02-05T02:19:00.000Z

Her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like their not shining...

I let out a deep sigh everytime I hear this song. It is just such a nice song almost a form of Prophetic Pop. Consequently, I am of the opinion that if I were to listen to this song at least three times it will do wonders to my self-esteem. Don't you think?
Gosh, Bruno Mars had it on point when he wrote this song. It was almost like he wrote down what was on the very heart of God for us. She's so beautiful and I tell her everday. Wow! Bruno kindly receive your kudos from the Christian circle because this song is amazing.

We find our self worth in so many, many things. Do you find that you look for fulfillment in everything but God? I know I can testify to this. I look for fulfillment to other things besides God on a daily occurance. It needs to stop! It is almost as though we have is mantra conditioned into our souls that goes along the lines of something like this: "If I lose a bit of weight maybe I could be happy. Maybe if I gained a bit of weight maybe I could be happy. If I could just buy that car then life would be complete. If I could just start dating that Medical student then I will be socially acceptable." The list goes on and on and on.
It is confession time: I am guilty of thinking all of the above. If I could just...I tell myself almost all the time. Yet tonight I really felt God speak to me through Bruno Mars. Yes, Bruno Mars! He said this: Girl you're amazing just the way you are.
Do you really understand how much God loves you and how perfect you are to Him? Do I even understand how much God loves me? I don't think I do.
That is so sad.
Behold you are beautiful. Behold you are beautiful. Your eyes are doves Song of Songs 1:15.
When God says something 2x , know that he is emphasising a point. He wants us to take a good look at ourselves and see how beautiful we are.

Why I am hating right now

2011-01-15T01:21:00.000Z

Welcome back to Butterfly & Pearls! I know it has been forever but this is the first blog of 2011 that I am writing and I am sure happy to be doing this.
Ok, I know the blog title for today isn't the most joyous title to start the year off but I couldn't find a title which was warm and fuzzy enough.
Ugh! I'm rambling and it is late so let met cut to the chase.
I've been hating a lot! Like they should call me Lady HateFul because I just realised how much junk I have within the depth of my heart.
Anyway, I thought my simple annoyance with things in this world was normal, in fact I thought it was acceptable to have a few pet peeves here and there.
Last night I had to come to the Lord Jesus in brokennesss before Him and just sit and talk with him with all things that I think he should make right. Do you know the importance of just sitting and listening and speaking with God? Obviously I do not because I must confess I can go a week without picking up my bible or spending time in prayer. Many of us are guilty of this sin because we do not understand the essence and the healing which lies in the Word of God.

Proverbs 4:20 - 22 says, “My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart; for they are life to those that find them, and health to all their flesh.”

Anyway last night, I took out my journal and I heard the Lord whisper to my spirit to write down in black and white everything that I hated. So, I began. I'm not sure I covered everything but I took it upon myself to pray over these issues I had written down and thenhand them over to God.
I can't change situations in the World. I can't change situations in my family or with my friends but I know who can . Jesus!

I will encourage you to grab a pen and paper and write down a list of all the things that you hate or are hurting you and daily just begin to go over them and give them to Jesus.
Yes, Yes I know I am still on day one and I haven't actually seen the results of praying over a "hate list", regardless of this I do know that it states in Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

How disappointments made me stronger

2010-12-16T01:08:00.000Z

Well, I'm working at Boots again this christmas season. I worked there last year too but there is something completely different this year. "What" ? You may ask. Well let me see. First of all I'm a few pounds heavier (thank goodness) and second I am no longer unhappy.
Gosh temping for Boots last year was a complete and utter nightmare. I was underweight and just a trembling nervous wreck. Anything could set me off in tears but due to customer care and company policy I was obligated to hide my tears behind the boxes of the 3 for 2 mix and match vitamin products. Pititful I know.
However, today I was just reminising about how heartbroken and upset I was last year. God is so good. Every disappointment that has ever happened to you in life, God knew about it. He allowed it for a reason. I constantly think of my best friend Lois who lost her mother this summer. God even knew about that. I'm sure she cannot comprehend what plan God has for her but all she knows that it is a good one.
Disappointments will make you stronger. When my heart was severely broken I couldn't grasp and understand what was going on. My 5 year life plan suddenly fell apart when I received a phone call last October. Everything that I (foolishly) put my hope and trust in just crumbled over the phone.

It reminds me of this scripture "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD."

Back then I thought that by this time I would be planning my wedding, showing off my platinum engagement ring and making preps for my suburban home. Instead, I'm in a tiny dorm room which has stacks and stacks of law books cluttering the whole place and I share my block with 72 other students. Despite this, I'm happy. My failures of yesterday have made me stronger. I've learnt a few things along the way. I've learnt to put my trust in Christ Jesus.

Jeremiah 17: 5-10 "But blessed is the man [woman] who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him." Amen to that Jeremiah.

If you've made mistakes in the past do not let them determine who you are tommorrow. If I had allowed all my disappointments and setbacks form me I would not be looking forward to my graduation from university next june. Most importantly, I would not be enjoying the fulness of God.
It is almost my blog-anniversary and it is going to be so thrilling to read about all that God has done for me over the past one year. Hahahah, I thought I would never come out of my sadness and gloom but God knows best. I may not know you very well and I may not know all that you are going through but I can tell you this: scars heal, setbacks fade and you become STRONGER. It is extremely hard to thank God in the wilderness but this is where we grow to be more like Him.

The disappointments of yesterday will make you stronger.

Ashley's Testimony

2010-12-05T00:42:00.000Z

Tonight, I feel privileged to share the amazing testimony of my long enduring friend Ashley. Ashley is currently serving on a medical mission as a junior doctor in Honduras. She graduated from Imperial College, London last year but rather than getting a job as a General Practitioner in her hometown, she packed her bags and scrubs and traveled across the world to Honduras. Ashley is one of my greatest role models, so having spoken to her on skype a few weeks ago I received permission to share her testimony on here.

I met Ashley in 2007, and we became really good friends through our church group. She was bubbly, popular and extra beautiful but had never had a boyfriend before. A year later she met Darryl who also attended our church group. Ashley always dreamed of going to Honduras, the country of her birth and it was truly the Lord who put that passion in heart. However, Darryl came a long. I'm not sure if God was in the situation or not but Ashley began to change. She still dreamt of working in the medical field in Honduras but somehow with Darryl in the picture her focus changed, she now was working on bringing Darryl with her to Honduras and if that didn't work she resovled to stay in England and get married to him. Whatever happened Darryl had to come first.
So many of us christian women can relate to this scenario. As time went on Ashley stopped thinking about Honduras and began thinking about her and Darryl tying the knot after medical school. Ashley was changing. Darryl was changing too. He began to become manipulative and just emotionally cold to her. Nonetheless, Ashley was trying to make it work and she was prepared to look past Darryl's faults. Even when he began to compare her with other girls she still held on to him. I know, ridiculous, right? Yet, how many of us have behaved just the way Ashley was behaving? We've given up so much for something that God wasn't in and if it wasn't for God's grace we would have suffered dearly for it.
What I love about Ashley however, was her sincere desire to serve the Lord. Even when she couldn't see that this guy was not what God had in mind for her and that she was off His time schedule, Ashley still pursued God.
Well, you can guess what happened next. Darryl and Ashley broke up and it was Ashley who had to bear the pain of it all. What made it harder for Ashley was that she had to continually see Darryl every week at church group and at church. On top of that Darryl found a new love soon after. It was torture for her and it didn't help that her graduation was months away and she didn't have a clue what she was to do after medical school. A confused and heartbroken Ashley did what she knew best. She turned to the Word. In her lowest state, when she felt that she wasn't good enough, pretty enough, slim enough and worthy enough, she fell down at the feet of Jesus. Wow! I remember her crying and praying to God to just heal her hear and give her a new direction. God did just that.
The word "Honduras" echoed back in her spirit. This young, budding doctor picked herself up, shook off the dust, said goodbye to her heartache and got back on track with God's calling.
She is now settled in Honduras assisting the mission base with basic vaccination for the needy and most importantly spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Ashley may have lost her bearing when she met Darryl and some may have said she "screwed up" big time but in the end God had the last laugh. I think we can all learn a lot from Ashley's testimony. No matter, the mistakes you make in life, if you are pure and sincere in your heart, God will surely come through for you.
Ashley is so much more stronger, more spirit filled and more determined and I believe that her heartbreak with Darryl prepared her for the long days ahead in Honduras. I'm so proud of her and I can't wait for our future skype dates!

Rejection is just God's redirection

2010-11-20T01:27:00.000Z

I just want to remind you to always rememeber the Lord. Remember Him when things are good and remember Him when things are bad.
One valuable lesson I learnt last year was "Rejection is just God's REdirection." I promise you, if you hold onto Jesus with a death grip NO MATTER the situation, He will turn it around for your good. Don't mourn too long over the job that rejected you, or the door that slammed shut in your face, or the loved one that rejected you. God will turn EVERY disappointment around for your good (Romans 8:28).

Notable people who have been rejected in history:

Albert Einstein was labelled mentally retarded. Parents and teachers thought that he had a low IQ. They wrote him off. They rejected him. Einstein became the world's most influential scientist and philosopher in the world.

Walt Disney: Described as unimaginative and uncreative. I'm not even going to get into much detail with his story. I just have one word for you: Mickey Mouse

Harland David Sanders: Perhaps better known as Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken, Sanders had a hard time selling his chicken at first. In fact, his famous secret chicken recipe was rejected 1,009 times before a restaurant accepted it.

Joseph: Rejected by his very own flesh and blood. Sold into slavery by his own brothers and thrown into an Egyptian cell. He rose from slave to Governor of Egypt

Jesus Christ: Rejected by Jewish society, ridiculed by family members, betrayed by close,intimate friends is today the Prince of Peace, Seated on the Right Hand of God, Ancient of Days, the King of Glory, and the list goes on.

You: We will allow history to write this part for you.

It's not easy being young, female and Christian

2010-11-14T01:39:00.000Z

Hmm...I'm sure many of you can relate to the blog title above : "It's not easy being young, female and Christian." I'm just lying awake in bed knowing that I have to wake up at 6 a.m. to get ready to do kids church only to return to finish off my essay. But I can't sleep and the only thing going through my mind is "God! I can't keep up with this pace.What's a girl to do?!" As, I roll over in my bed, I hear the Lord whisper softly, "It is I that have everything under control." I love when God speaks, something overwhelming takes over deep inside your soul and at that moment you just know God will do ALL that He said He will do for you.
The scripture says thus : "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace."
I've come to appreciate the fact that being a christian girl in my early twenties just isn't easy. Men, please note that I'm sure it's hard for you all too - but I'm not entitled to speak on your behalf. I do know that for us women it is a challenge.
Since it's the final year of law school, I have to make sure I steer clear of anxiety attacks. These often try and come when you know that the school year will draw nearer than you think and you still do not know where you will be next September. The stakes of marriage straight after college are slim, you are averaging at a grade average of a 2.2 and your work experience is limited. On top of that your "uber" conservative parents don't feel it's acceptable for a christian girl to live outside the home before she is married. So, you are stuck in a bit of a rut.
Like, I said it's not easy being, young, female and Christian.

I know so many of you reading this can relate to at least one or even all of the above scenarios I just listed but before I sleep I just wanted to leave some encouraging words from the Holy Spirit.

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

This last one is one of my favourites.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

A great drink for Christian Women.

2010-11-06T00:57:00.000Z

I don't understand what has been going on these past few days but ever since I read the following scripture, a lot questions I had about life and christianity have begun to be answered.

Isaiah 55: 1-2 “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;...why spend money on what is not bread and your labour that does not satisfy?"

For years, I had been searching for life's answers and what my purpose on earth was. For a good few years even though I have been saved, I feel like I've been in this wilderness; but not quiet sure what I am doing but DEFINETLY searching for SOMETHING. I was searching for that thing that would truly give me everlasting peace and security. I was stretching my hand out for anything that could deal with the unhappiness and emotional torment I was encountering during my teen years and up until recently actually.
Have you ever drunk so much alcohol just so that you could forget about your current situation? Or have you ever engaged in illicit sex with multiple partners in order for you to have that "void" in your heart filled? Even if it's just for a couple of hours. Maybe for some of you it's overeating or overspending, just so that you can feel better about yourself. You think that if you could just purchase the latest pair of shoes then life will be alright. Right? No, wrong!

But like anything else, all these things give us a great "high" but the crash is horrible. When these wordly things begin to wear off, we tend end up feeling 10 times worse than we did. How come? The reason being is that God did not create us to seek satisfaction in immorality or overindulgence, he created us to find fulfillment in His son Jesus and Him alone.
This revelation came to me the other day after reading the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman. I won't go into too much detail here but I could really relate to this biblical icon. This was a woman who had put her trust in relationship after relationship, only to receive heartache and pain but here was Jesus offering her something so much more. This woman had been thirsting for true love, for someone to truly love her for the woman of God she was ordained to be. She kept on dipping her bucket in the wrong waters.

“Everyone who drinks this water [wordly things] will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4

So, was God telling me that as long as I continued to look for worth and satisfaction in relationships, drink, fashion, etc I would never be satisfied or at peace? Wow! This was a mind blowing revelation to me. God needs to be our source for everything. Women of God we are continually putting ourselves through pain and abuse if we do not stop to put Jesus as our centre. I am guilty of this but I am making progress in my walk with God.
How naive I've been! All these years I've been trying to find satisfaction in dating, my clothes, parties and even doing "christian stuff" - I never once understood that my needs had to be met through Him. Sisters in Christ, our thirst for life in abundance can only come if we draw near and drink from the Spring of Living Waters.

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water" Jeremiah 2:13

I have to be honest with readers right now. For a while I thought I was already a failure in my short life of 22 years. These thoughts were not of God, however I am learning to be in tune with His Spirit. Yes, those "cisterns", those things of this world which I thought could give me a sense of accomplishment couldn't hold all that God had for me - they were things that failed me. I am not the failure.

In the words of Stacie Orrico: "There's got to be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me" - the lyricist put it so well. Yes, there is more to life and that's how Jesus intended our lives to be. Fulfilled in Him.
Lets drink from His Springs of Living Water.

In Christ

Chizor.

Chizor reconciles with Germany

2010-11-04T16:00:00.002Z

Seriously, I feel like Julia Roberts in the movie Eat, Pray, Love. I've just come back from visiting my 2nd country this year which was Germany and I have a deep hunger to travel a lot more.

Some of you do not know much about my past in Germany and all the things that I encountered whilst there. My parents moved to Germany in 2000 from my beloved homeland England, we moved to a little town called Dietzenbach just outside the city of Frankfurt. I did not take the move so well, partly due to the fact that I was 12 years old and I could not speak a word of the language. It was difficult living in a foreign country but I soon learnt the language and began to fit in with the locals. My ultimate desire was to fit in and not to be different. Well, my skin colour wasn't helping. Not to go into much detail but my life was filled with substance abuse, multiple relationships and basically anything ungodly that I could get my hands on.

I left Germany in 2004.

Last weekend was the first time I had been back in 6 years. This time I went back as a Christian.

To be honest, I really enjoyed myself. It brought back memories; both good and bad but I'm really glad I went. It was time to relax, eat good German pork, practice my linguistic skills (which by the way are impeccable) and catch up with old friends.

One of the friends I was able to meet was Rachel. We we're friends from the age of 14 back in Germany and let's just say "skiving school" was one of our fondest past times. NOT! To cut a long story short, we were bad teenagers at the rebelling stage.Anyway, seeing Rachel for the first time really had an affect on me. She was a beautiful as ever (that's what you get when you are of part Togolese/Jewish/German ancestry) but you could definetly see a change in both of our maturity.
What touched me the most was when Rachel began telling me that she had begun attending church and she had been reading through the bible step by step. I almost fell off the chair when I heard this. Here we are 6 years later and for the first time in all of our friendship we are talking about God and religion. I couldn't believe it that she was on the search for God. She was also very curious to know what had caused me to become a Christian (I was wild and crazy back then) all of sudden. This was an awesome opportunity to share my testimony and so there we were both in a bar and I was sharing my experiences with God over the past few years.

If that's the only reason I went to Germany then I am more than satisfied.
Going back to Germany as a Christian really gave me a different perspective. I no longer needed to bare the burden of my shame and reproach, I could walk through the streets of Frankfurt with a "Garment of Praise".

Are you ready to trust God with chicken?

2010-10-23T20:39:00.000+01:00

The whole thing about trusting God with chicken came the other night when I threw a dinner party which consisted of chicken pieces marinated in tequila and lime. So, I invited a few people over to come and wine and dine, however when you have a public facebook event, numbers begin to increase and you suddenly have RSVPS from a bigger crowd than you expected. .
You see, recently I've been asking God to teach me to really trust him. To trust him with Every.Tiny.Detail. Anyway, I didn't want to spend more money and purchase more chicken for the guests but I felt like I had no other choice so I began to fret. The scripture in James suddenly popped into my mind : James 1: 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
Really?! Ask God about chicken?! That's absurd God doesn't care about chicken I thought to myself. However, what does the above scripture tell us? That if we ask God for wisdom, he will give it to us freely without finding fault in regards to what we ask him for. So, I got down on my knees and whispered a quick prayer asking for wisdom for tonight's dinner party.
"Don't buy anymore chicken" I heard a still, small voice whisper back to me. I knew it was the Holy Spirit, so I chose to listen to His voice and not purchase anymore chicken. Despite the fact that 15 people had RSVP'd, and I only had enough poultry for 8 people .
To cut a long story short, it pays off to trust and listen to God. That night not everyone showed up to the party ; and the amount that did attend was exactly 8. Not one less, not one more.

To some of you this may seem so trivial and petty, nonetheless God taught me the essence of waiting patiently and trusting Him with Every.Little.Detail of my life. It's weird but I've been in this dry spot with God recently but that's because I haven't been resting in Him and savouring his His love. That's all God wanted me to do, just be with Him.
Another incident: My friend had been suffering with a swollen ankle for weeks, she found it hard to get to class on time but when she told me her plight I just heard this scripture:
"They shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." Mark 16: 15 . God wanted me to trust Him and see that particular scripture come to life. Mark 16:15 did manifest itself and to this day my friend has not had issues with her ankle. Jesus! Why do I doubt your goodness?

Are you ready to trust God with chicken? As in, are you ready to trust God with every area of your life? I guarantee you, when you begin to surrender all areas of your life it's painful. However, the rewards of surrendering to God outweights all the pain. Things may not look like they are looking up for you but are you stillready to trust God? Maybe you've been praying for the fruit of the womb and 6 years on, still no child? It's a painful ordeal for you, you've done tests after tests, the doctor keeps on telling you "next time" - and the only child you did carry did not make it through. Are you still going to trust God with that area of your life? No matter the costs because I tell you there is peace in trusting Him.
Or, maybe you've been unemployed for sometime and with all your qualifications still no work. You are ready to throw the towel in and sign on to welfare. Wait! Hold on if God's Word is true that He is the Jehova Jireh - can you trust God to provide the next meal?
This is a call out of our shallow christianity and it is a call to go deep into deep with God. With a lot of young people, we often have the misconception that we need to do something completely and utterly radical for God, such as drop out of school at age 14 and become a missionary in Afghanistan. Slow down, God does not care about our radical acts but He is in love with a heart that is radical for Him. Afghanistan will come in due time but in the meantime your science teacher has never heard the gospel. Now that's a radical lifestyle.

I'm taking a vacation, not just to Germany next week but a vacation from worrying and not trusting God. However this particular vacation will last a lifetime.

Amen!

Relationships between Christian Men and Women at Uni.

2010-10-21T17:25:00.000+01:00

So here is my long anticpated article that I said I will write with regards to Christian Male and Female relationships at University.
Can I speak to the ladies first? Long gone are the days when femininity and authentic beauty was a prized possession to be attained. Now, a lot of us share the motto "I can do everything a man can do, just BETTER! " and these are the cries of several Christian women on campus. The post-modern woman feels if she embraces her femininity, she is weak and men will take advantage of her. Whether we like it or not God created us to be feminine and not to be masculine. Feminity does not mean shopping for dresses and loving all things pink, but it does mean understanding our God ordained positions as women. Our strong but delicate nature is not to be hated but praised.

Some of you arrived at University with a misconception. A misconception that many girls are suffering with the consquences of it today. There is a common lie among Christian female students that they will meet their husband at University. Whoever voiced such nonsense needs a reality check. As a result of this lie, many girls come to University all bushy tailed and bright eyed, waiting for Mr Right in their lecture hall. Christmas term approaches, followed by Easter term ....still no sign of this potential Mr. Right. Not too bad you think, afterall it's only your first year. However, by your second year you begin to get impatient and you begin to wonder that you might have missed him, or worse God is being cruel by not bringing him around. You start wincing at the fact that you only have one more year left of University, so God needs to step His game up.

Before I continue, I know many who have met their spouses at Uni, and have had amazing marriages but if your story does not end up like this don't rush into anything.

Anyway, so we start getting impatient and we start doing things our own way. Take for example my friend Audrey. She fed into the lie that God had to bring her husband during her University career. Well, God wasn't on her agenda and didn't bring him around. Anyway, frustrated and annoyed she began a relationship with Segun. Segun studied engineering with Audrey but he wasn't really walking with the Lord. For example, sex before marriage was a big win for him just as long as he went to church and repented. Audrey a strong believer herself, felt Segun was "the one". He wasn't exactly a Christian but he believed in God, that was good enough for her. Before long, Segun and Audrey began a relationship, which was not Christ centered at all, Audrey's faith began to take a downward spiral as Segun could not encourage her in the Lord. Before we knew it Audrey had comprised her purity and fell pregnant. Segun ended the relationship soon after, and has since acquired a new asset. I mean girlfriend...

If Audrey had waited on God, what would have happened?

Women, do we not know that every guy we flirt with, or every guy we have long intimate conversations with is a dishonour to our future husbands. Or every guy we grind on in the clubs is disrespectful. This is not a rebuke, I'm guilty of the same kind of mess. Some of you are diasgreeing with me right now as you feel like you do not have an obligation to your spouse-to-be. Hmm...maybe but we certainly have an obligation to our first love, Jesus Christ.

Proverbs 4: 23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Before anything else, we need to guard our hearts. If my dear friend Audrey had guarded her heart, I don't think her course of life will be as a single mother back in Manchester. Guarding your heart means to be careful in your conversation, pouring the Word into your Spirit and seeking God's wisdom for the course of your life.

Now to the University men. Men, I urge you to guard your own heart but also be a guard of hearts. I think a lot of reasons why some of our Christian sisters fail in areas of relationships is due to the lack of guys caring for their hearts. It's in your nature and God given capacity to be strong enough to protect the heart of a woman. If you see a girl who you find attractive, wait on the Lord. Pray about it. Attraction isn't everything you know? Ask God to show you more about this girl. Most importantly RESPECT her. As long as you have not put a ring on it ,you could be dishonouring her future husband. So, if she does not adhere to your advances it may be because she too is waiting on God for direction. Not because she is "stush" or "frigid" as some of you may kindly put it but she has made God her all in all, for this season of her life.

As you can see, I do not have too much to write on the Men but I hope it has given you insight in some way.

This is what the Lord has been speaking to my on, and has asked me tor reevalute some areas of my life. I pray if need be, you do the same too.

In Christ

Chizor

The true face of hope

2010-10-13T23:40:00.002+01:00

God gave a word the other day and it was HOPE. I'm not fond of Obama as some of you already know but whether we like to admit or not, he is currently the face of "hope" for Americans. Yes, I can hear my friends groaning all ready at this. Don't worry guys I'm not going to go on a rant about why I hate liberalism. Rather, I want to talk about the true face of hope. Jesus Christ.

You see, I thought this week was going to be extremely rough on me. I was so worried that I was going to have a melt down this week and 5 days out of the 7 would be spent curled up in bed crying my eyes out. Have you ever been scared of your emotions before? I have. I experienced this phenomenon a few days ago; I was scared what my emotions could do to me if I was not careful. You see, there is something I've been dreading and God showed me specifically in a dream that, that thing I was so scared of was going to come to pass and I need to prepare my body, mind and soul for it.
Anyway, that "thing" - which I won't go into right now, came to pass and it was time to face the music.
Sorry this blog is so abstract today. Please excuse me...
Do you ever get to that point, where you have finally come to terms with a bad (or good) situation? You start rebuilding your life again, God begins to put back the pieces of your once broken heart back together and all is well with your soul. However, there is just that one thing that could trigger your emotions and set you off in tears. These pain "triggers's" often come in the form of a picture, a long lost gift or worse a long lost memory of what once was. Recently, these "triggers" have not had much affect on me and I've been more than able to get on with things if I come across a ghost of my past. These past few months, I've been so happy and full of unexplainable joy and I was NOT about to let anything steal that away from me.
Well, when it was time for me to face the music the other day , and come face to face with that thing that my heart was dreading, it was strange but I was still full of unexplainable joy. I wasn't having a breakdown afterall. What once caused my heart to break, was no longer there. Was this a sign of God healing my heart? It sure was. I spent the past 12 months putting my hope in God and not in man and I saw the benefits of it the other day. God was the physician and healed me from the inside out because I had put my trust in him.

God really does exist. Seriously, nothing in this world could ever do what God did in my life these past few months. The only encourgament I have today, is: hand it ALL over to God. I mean everything the whole shabang. You can't go wrong. There is no point holding on to it, it just won't do you any good. So hand it over to Jesus.
God gave me a simple but MIND BLOWING revelation the other day: HOPE.
Be sure of this scripute: Romans 5: 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
There is hope in my story. There is also hope in your story too.

In Christ

Chizor

Do you remember the time, when we fell in love ?

2010-10-10T20:35:00.000+01:00

Sincere apolgies readers but this particular post will not be dedicated to the legendary Michael Jackson. Nonetheless his song "Do you remember the time?" is one of my favourites. I encourgage you to listen to it actually...it may make you think about your relationship with God.
In this particular song, MJ is basically remininising about the time he first fell in love with his girlfriend. How they would always talk on the phone and he is constantly trying to encourage the young lady to remember the time that they had together. But now they have broken up.

It really made me think? Do I rememeber when I first fell in love with God? Things were rosy, I wanted to be around my new found love constantly and just sit and converse with Him. From that time, till now - where has that romance gone? Why is it so easy for us to feel disappointed with God and forget all those sweet gestures we once received from him?
My relationship with God is going through a storm. Well, actually quite a few storms to be frank.
I need to remember the time when I first fell in love with my Jesus. I need to remember the time when we first fell in love. Just like Michael Jackson said...

I do remember! God has always been there for me. Yes, I admit I have been immature in my walk with God but through this storm I know I will mature and become the woman of God He has created me to be.
I remember EVERY single WRONG He made RIGHT! God has such a great plan but sometimes through the fog it's so hard to see what His true purpose is but never forget that He will always be your 1st love.

Revelation 2: 1-7

…But I have this [one charge to make] against you: that you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted Me, your first love]…(v.4)

This starts to happen when you stop finding time to read your bible or kneel down to pray. Going to church seems to be a chore for you and life with Jesus just isn't exciting anymore. So you begin to indulge in other lovers such as television, work,alcohol, drugs, sex,etc just to distract yourself from the pain you are facing. Instead of you to go home to your husband- Jesus and tell him the truth, you continue to engage in your adulterous affairs.
Can I share a little of godly wisdom with you? Those "other" lovers will fail you. They will fulfill you for a short while but when the going gets tough...they just won't stand with you. It's time to run back into the arms of your first true love.
If you do this, then this is what Jesus will do in return for you:

Isaiah 54: For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

Love you, guys.

Testing of my heart

2010-10-02T13:09:00.000+01:00

Now that things have died down a bit on campus, I am able to say that I have more time for blogging.
To be truthful, I love to blog. It's actually my hobby but I just wish I more time and MONEY to invest in my blog. Hence, why my website looks disastrous at the moment.
It's almost a one full year that God took me on a long, painful but rewarding journey. If you want to know the details of the story, ask and I will tell you. However, I will never actually go into details on my website.
Up until today, I do not understand why God picked me out of all my friends to go through this. I guess I will never completely understand until I get to heaven.
Nonetheless, there is a famous quote which goes without saying : When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better!
Have I received that "better" thing yet? With a resounding "Yes!", my Saviour certainly has restored 10 fold.
I've learnt to know God for myself. My prayer, my whole life has been "God allow me to know you". I spent a whole gap year in the States, praying for the same thing over and over again. My favourite song during that year was "Where you go I go" by Brian and Jenn Johnson. I would sing it several times a day. Did I understand the depth of that song? The lyricist sings about following God NO MATTER what. Following the Spirit of God in an out of season. God was and is testing my heart. Would I say true to the same song I would sing every day? Even if everything I held so close to me slipped away?
God tested my heart and He did just that. He stripped away every "idol" and "shrine" I had constructed in my life. Basically, He took away that thing that I was holding onto with a death grip.

But to be honest readers...sometimes I feel I have failed in certain areas. I feel I have failed the test. My heart hasn't always been true to God. However, when I feel like I'm slipping away, I have to bring to rememberance the goodness of the Lord. I've failed the test several times but often I beat myself up over the things I'm doing wrong but I never look at how much progress I have made.

In closing, I just want to inform you all that I'm not giving up on God. Why? Because, despite all my junk God has never ever given up on me. I vow not to take the Lord's goodness for granted but I want to be made more in His likeness.
Job 23:10 But He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me [my heart] , I will come out as pure gold

No matter, the situation if our faith and trust remain in God, our heart's though refined in the fire, we shall surely come forth as pure gold.

In Christ
Chizor

I just can't do [this] CHRISTIANITY anymore

2010-09-22T00:05:00.000+01:00

As you can see I have had to put my blog on the back burner due to extensive exams and essay deadlines. Well...actually that's not been my only reason why I haven't been blogging. It's actually because I haven't had anything to write. At all. My mind has been blank yet at the same time filled with so many thoughts on life.

Confession: I've been struggling with my Christianity BIG TIME. I know some of you are scoffing at that statement and are saying with a sarcastic tone "Oh well who isn't struggling in their faith." Well, guys I need you to be a little sympathetic here. Anyway, as I was saying . It's been so,so,so hard with everything. Earlier, I was trying to express to my friend Lily how I was feeling but I couldn't quite find the words to say. Has anyone ever been in that place in their walk with Christ, when they are actually being a Christian just to please others. I've been feeling like that recently. The peer pressure has just been intense. How can I put this more eloquently?
Here is a scenario:

Chizor: [talking to bar maid] Can I have a vodka orange please? Plus one entrance to Club Rumba?
Friend: [Looks in shock] Chizor you drink???!!! Club Rumba???!! How can you stoop so low?
Chizor: [silence].

I'm not hear to get into a debate anymore about whether or not one should drink or hit the club. That's not where the issue lies. It's just been this constant struggle in my heart that's been going. I feel constantly yelled at. Like I'm being screamed, yelled at and scolded in my spirit. Then after the screaming and the telling off, the tiredness comes. I get tired in my spirit, causing me not to want to pray or read my bible because I give up easily and as I feel as though I'm not "christian" enough. Pitiful I know. The voice causes condemenation. I don't pray because I feel wary to approach His throne of Grace. Is this really God?
I admit I'm not as reserved as I was a few years ago. However, when I look back I wasn't really reserved, I just thought this was the way I had to act. Was I really doing it for God? Or was I people pleasing again? That's another one of my qualifications. I have a Bachelor's Degree in People Pleasing.

All, I can say to all of this is: "GOD I NEED A FRESH REVELATION."

Sorry this isn't one of my usual advice-smart-christian-women blog posts but I really have nothing to share per se. I'm in need of ADVICE here.
I'm struggling being a Christian. I need to go back to my first love. NO, it does not mean that I am condemning a glass of alcohol or going to the club. This is Europe and things are a lot different this side of the Atlantic. I need to get past the Dos and Dont's and really experience God afresh; as of right now everything just feels stale. I can't do this type of Christianity anymore. I need the love relationship I once had with God. It's not going to come through my 'good' works either.

I don't want to walk away from God. Ever. On the other hand I'm just finding it hard to fit into His "good books". I know that's not how the grace of God works. It's a grace that will guide me by the hand and lead me to those still waters I've been longing for these past 6 years.

This may sound cheesy but I had to press God for something. The bible talks about the renewing of the mind and heart through His Word. I told the Lord that if this was really true then I need Him to use the Word to change me. So, I've been meditating on one/two scriptures a day ALL day. If I feel low or I'm idle, I'll let the scripture for that day just mull over my heart and mind. Right, now I feel no change but I'm going to keep on whispering His Word to myself.
I know by faith something will happen.

Jesus, you really are all that I ever hoped for.

Testimony time - Blessing time

2010-09-06T19:54:00.000+01:00

I wrote my Public Law Exam today and am I happy that I have it out of the way. I just wanted to give a brief testimony about the Lord's goodness today.
Well, after the 2 1/2 exam paper the Holy Spirit brought something to rememberance.

'He will teach you everything and remind you of all that I have said to you.'

I began to remember last year when I wrote my Contract Law and Tort paper, I was an emotional wreck. Emotional wreck is a little dramatic but I was displeased with my personal life. Anyway, to cut a long story short I remember writing those papers with tears streaming down my face and my mind flicking between, "Equitable Estoppel" and "Why God?! Why is my relationship falling apart ?!" Not a good combination of thoughts, especially when the exam is worth 100% of your grade. Hehehe, I can laugh now but only because I have the strength to - I didn't find this in the slightest bit funny last year.
However, God has definetly turned my story around, for the better. Today, I was able to sit through my Public Law Exam and I was at complete ease. My mind was focused and at the same time I kept my mind focused on the Lord. So, isn't that something to give God thanks for?
Sometimes, I lay awake at night and I think of all the people who have experienced pain. Whether it was caused by something trivial or something more serious. I think of my best friend Lois, who recently just lost her mother. I think of all the nights she cries herself to sleep due to the grief of it all. I cannot fathom what Lois may be going through right now - I have never lost someone that close to me before, however I do know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep and wake up in further distress.
I remember when I would sit for hours just reading other people's blogs about how God delievered them from their pain. That's why I speak so much about my past experiences- not because I am glorifying my past ; rather because I know how often people 'google search': 'need help with pain' or 'God delievered me from pain'. I know this because I used to search for the same answer. I want people to see God's hand of deliverance on my life and be encouraged .

The bible says : Psalms 34:19 says, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivers them from them ALL."

On a lighter note, I need a title for my autobiography. Write now it is a contest between "Butterfly and Pearls" or "Skinny, Worried and Depressed" - my 13 year old sister came up with the last one...she has a talent for words.
Any takers?

Life with God is an Adventure

2010-09-03T23:23:00.000+01:00

I am currently working a 50 hour job at the library. Job description; Sit at a desk for 10 hours, studying solely law text books. Guess how much it pays? Nothing. You just get a really cool,REWARDING degree at the end.
So, apologies for not blogging as much as I should have.

Without further ado, I just want to express my utter adoration. God is amazing!
Last night, the Devil tried to bring wrong thoughts into my mind. Thoughts such as: "Chizor, what are you doing? Are you really supposed to be studying? What if you hadn't gone to Law School, you would have the life you always wanted. You would have your own 'dreams' by now. Your decision to become a lawyer caused you pain. "
Some of you have made God ordained decisions which in effect had some painful consequences. God has some of you in a place right now that may seem barren or uncertain. Don't look back to Egypt.
Don't look to what you don't have or what you could have had.
Isaiah 54: "Sing, O barren Woman, you who have never born, burst into song, shout for joy...because more are the children than the desolate woman"
God will do more for you than you expected.

It's important that we watch ourself. The enemy has a certain way with our emotions. He'll go to our deep desires and longings and try and manipulate them. However, I serve a Saviour who knows my DEEPEST desires, more than I even know. It's important that we resist the Devil in order that he flees from us ! How do we resist? By standing and believing the Word of God.
As these thoughts came in like a flood, a still gentle voice began to filter in. It was the voice of my Lover and Lord - Jesus.
I could actually feel my brain settle down, my muscles relax as I listened to His sweet voice.
He said thus: "Chizor, life in me is always an adventure. Do not despair because you have not reached there yet. Know that you are in my will, just enjoy the journey."
That is so true for many of young people. To many of us young, christian female academias. Studying isn't always easy but if you are in the perfect will of God, enjoy the path God has you on. The path of pursuing school. It's an adventure. How? You may ask. Well, for instance today, I received an email to apply for a Human Rights internship abroad, all expenses paid. I began to be thankful that I could cherish this moment in God to pursue the opportunities He has for me. Free from other restraints.
I am beginning to savour the journey. Don't ever mourn over the things you left behind! God done left that place a long time ago - as some may say. Remember the story of Lot's Wife? She looked back.
She didn't enjoy the path God had her on, she didn't look forward to the horizon.

Talitha Cumi- Damsal Arise.

Joy is coming in the morning, women of God

A woman's tears

2010-08-21T10:30:00.000+01:00

This morning, I woke up and I pondered on the goodness of God. I can't get enough of it. I've been studying for ca. 8-10 hours a day this past week for my law exams which are coming up. However, I have come to realise that no matter how hard I strive to make a 1st class, I am nothing without God.

God cares about everything. Everything we are going through. Or everything we have been through. I cannot stress it enough : every tear drop we cry He is merciful to put it into His bottle of tears (Psalm 56:8).
I began writing this blog because I had deleted my facebook and I needed a break from things. The Lord had bigger plans for me - He wanted to use this blog to deliver people out of pain.
I'm sure you have a experienced pain before. Not like an "owie" sort of pain where you scrape your knee. No, that kind of pain that cuts straight to the heart, to the depth of your soul. The emotional pain.
This pain truly penetrates and if not treated properly it can have some deep lasting wounds. Ladies, if these wounds are not tended to, they can get infected and eventually become contagious. They will infect others, your children for example. Creating a vicious circle.
A woman of 23 years old, who has suffered constant rejection may find it hard to function in healthy relationships if she hasn't treated her wounds in Christ.
I tell you this though, there is something about a woman's heart-felt tears.
I remember a few years ago, during a youth meeting at church. Our teacher (female) was stressing to the our "brothers" the effect of a woman's tears.
She wanted the young men to see the impact that a woman's pain has on God. I recall her talking about domestic violence.
"If you ever hit a woman, or abuse a woman and she cries. I tell you God will move heaven on her behalf." The teacher explained to us.
Men, if you cry to - it's not that God doesn't hear you and won't intervene but God designed the woman to be both strong yet delicate at the same time. Due to our delicate nature things like rejection and verbal abuse cut deep into our inner beings.
God is faithful to prove Himself strong. Women, do not let the disappointments of yesterday, determine your worth today.

Why I am deciding NOT to date

2010-08-13T19:00:00.000+01:00

Right, I know I said I am not going to blog but I am struggling already with this autobiography task. Somehow words flow easier when I am blogging. At this rate I'm going to modify my blog and journal entries and just add them to my book.

Anyway, I made a firm decision the other week not to get serious with anyone. I know I've been venting about celibacy for a few months now but coming back from Savannah has made it clear that I just can't do a relationship.
Since I could remember, I've been in some kind of relationship or I've had an obsessive crush on someone. Sad, I know. Things have changed though- for the better. I am actually making a wise decision, yes I am making the choice to hold off dating for a little longer.
My conviction was set firm in the soil when James came to stay. James and I became friends through a mutual friends of ours. James came from Jacksonville, Florida but he came to see this mutual friend of ours in Savannah. I enjoyed hanging out with James and yes I did find him on the attractive side. Not wow-factor but more like ok- factor.
The whole time I was with James I had major RED FLAGS. Ladies, can I give you some advice ? As soon as you see those red flags back off.
Hmm, I tend to mistake red flags at the beginning of a potential relationship for white flags in a ver pink coloured world.
Well, James and I just were not clicking. But I was determined to swoon him over with my amazing British/Nigerian charm but nothing I did for James was good enough.
Some of my romantic disappointments are self inflicted. How? You may ask. I lack serious boundaries with men. All too often I disappear into the person I am in love with.
Quote : If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my education, my money,my family, my dog,etc. In return, I will carry all your pain, I will assume all your debts (in every defintion of the word) and I will protect you from your own insecurities.
Hence, this explains why every relationship I have had (good or bad) causes me to emerge exhausted, underweight and begging for my next fix of 'the love stuff'.

To cut a long story short, even though I was not in love with James (seriously I wasn't), I knew that if he gave me what I wanted even if it was in small doses, my insecurites would cause me to become another helpless addict. James took a lot from me whenever we would hang out but I blame myself because I lack boundaries. When he started to ask for me to iron his trousers, I knew both James and I had crossed the line. After filling up his tank with petrol and then being asked by him to buy lunch - I knew the line had seriously been crossed. James was taking advantage of me and I was letting him.
Some of you "sistas" are already gasping at the horror of it all but it's not James's fault. This doesn't really have anything to do with him at all but I wanted to show you what God has been doing in my life.
I actually felt the Holy Spirit pull me aside, just as a Father pulls a child to the corner. I just heard the Holy Spirit tell me : "No more". That was it- no more. You cannot give what you don't have. I think if you are woman like me, you try and be God to everyone and everything. You can't! You will end up a mess.

After hanging out with James that Tuesday, the next day I actually fell ill and I was just exhausted. I hadn't had this sick feeling since...a break up a while back. It was that feeling of being at my wits end, as though every drop of energy was gone. In such situations don't lay around and feel sorry for yourself. Hand it over to God.

1 Peter 5: 7 …casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

In Savannah, I did meet some pretty amazing men of God too. It was just nice having conversations from house music, politics, right to bear arms to cooking. I had a friend buy a book which catered to my interest and the gesture was not romantic but it was a gesture of friendship. Someone actually cared to invest in me. Having guys open the doors, care about what you have to say and who love the Lord are qualities I often tell my younger sister's to look for in a guy.

For us older women, don't give what you don't have. I used to feel bitter about the past and I used to fear about writing about it on here. There was a time I had gained admission to spend an entire year at the University of Spelman in Atlanta , GA but I was dating someone back then and I didn't want them to wait any longer. I was willing to do anything for their happiness. But it wasn't good enough. I lacked boundaries and soon after I declined Spelman, the guy dropped me quicker than you could say "Jack Daniels". Do I have regrets and feel like kicking myself? I used to but the internship with University of Emory this summer was so much more than I had initially lost . Besides, I get to graduate earlier now.

I really can't date at the moment, life is just too exciting. God knows the best time for me. He knows the best time for you singles too. I have no regrets except that I couldn't reognize God's timing earlier.
I just don't have 'it' in me anymore to get serious right now. Love is a lesson, I just have a few more classes to take that's all.

Summer in Savannah (10)- Atlanta healed my heart

2010-08-11T00:17:00.000+01:00

This is my last blog post for the "Summer in Savannah" series. I am currently writing this in my living room back in England. I can't believe it's over already. I flew in yesterday. Yes, I do miss Savannah, I miss Georgia as a whole actually.
What really struck me this summer was reconciliation with the city of Atlanta. Not the actual city of Atlanta but when I think of Atlanta, I think of the church I attended there from 07-08, the friends I met there and the person I dated back then.
God did an amazing work this summer in my heart. My pastor in Atlanta said these words to me : "Chizor, your time in Georgia I believe will bring healing". At that point I couldn't ever see myself forgiving those that intentionally or unintentionally hurt me. However, God really did a work in me.
Let me be honest, during my time in Savannah I did not live this holy supernatural life but it was a time for God to really root up the tares in my heart. Like God was tearing things up in my heart. To be honest, I wasn't enjoying christianity, this summer I wanted to not just pray and read my bible but I wanted to have a real relationship with God. I longed for that intimacy with God.
Did I go after it as much as I should have? Hmm, I don't know.

I probably didn't get everything right "spiritually" this summer but God did have mercy on me. He healed my heart in Atlanta and Savannah.
God didn't wait for me to get back to England before He healed me. No, he planted me right there in the midst of my regrets, fears and turmoil. That's where he wanted to heal me.

I loved every second of my internship and it really pushed me to go after law. Representing children in court who have been abused is very life rewarding. Actually for the first time in a long time feel confident and I know that's only God given.
I knew God had plan for my life. Not just any plan but an amazing plan. As much as I beat against the rail, I am nothing without God.

God even cares about my love life. No I am not dating anyone - it just isn't the time. Besides I have only one year left of law school, God willing. Nevertheless, I did meet some pretty awesome gentlemen in Savannah and I was able to see how a man should treat a woman and how a man should not treat a woman. I got a pretty even balance...

I'm on a path of self-discovery. Almost like a pre middle-aged crisis, but in a good way. I want to travel all over the world, I want to meet new people, I want to research all aspects of the law. I want an intimate relationship with God.

I am reading this book called Eat, Pray, Love and I feel like the author represents my life. It's so funny but Judge Beam who knew nothing about my past, kept on recommending me to buy the book and felt that it reflected my life.
Therefore, I am going to start writing my own story. Yes, finally I'm going to publish my autobiography.
I've been and seen so much in my twenty-two years of my life and I have things to put down on paper. So, for the next few months I'll be working hard on writing and I may not have much time for blogging. But we'll see.

Just like the book "Eat, Pray, Love" - Eat = I have gained a few pounds by eating country cooking and so I am not 'anorexic' , Pray = I am on a journey of spiritual enlightenment and I'm going to begin enjoying knowing God and finally Love = I love meeting new people, I love life and I finally for the first time ever I love who God has created me to be.

I'll keep you posted

In Christ
Chizor

Summer in Savannah (9) Conviction to Grow Up

2010-07-21T01:34:00.000+01:00

This morning I woke up feeling irritated and depressed. I know it sounds a bit melodramatic considering I had only been awake for a few minutes but I was clearly annoyed. "With what?" you may ask.
I was mad because I felt that people were not treating me the way I was treating them. The first few minutes of my day was spent mulling thoughts over and over in my mind about the way I am treated. The way I should be taken care of. The way nobody is considerate of my feelings. Let's just put it down to me just feeling extremely sorry for myself.

The Bible says in Ephesians 4:14-15 14: Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

Sometimes we just need to grow up! You know, that morning instead of entertaining my thoughts by staying mad a minute longer. I decided to get into the Word. If this had been a few months back I would have gone to work feeling utterly annoyed , allowing it to eat away at me. I believe once I made the choice not to let my emotions and thoughts tcontol me, the Holy Spirit was ready to minister.
As I began listening to the Word, whatever issue that had been getting me down a few minutes before began to fade away and God was really showing me the benefits of abiding in Him.
It takes spiritual maturity to deny the flesh and pick up the much heavier cross.

I encourage you all, don't allow the worries of this world keep you from fellowshipping with God. I was so consumed with the "wrongs" done against me and how my desires had not been met by others that I almost missed God this morning. Let's face facts, we cannot rely on others for our own happiness. I've said it in previous posts before and I will emphasize it again. People will not always meet your needs but there is someone who can. His name is Jesus.
God gave me a word when I first came to Savannah. I was still pretty bitter about things that had happened in the past and I felt like being back in Georgia was somewhat a cruel reminder of that past. Bitter is an understatement : I was mad as hell! Literally, my anger and my hurt was not from God and anything not of God is of the devil. Nonetheless, when I arrived God spoke to me clearly saying thus : "I will do for you what man could not ". A few days later out in Bryant County, GA in a small wooden Pentecostal Church a woman of God came up to me. She said thus: "The Lord will do for you what man could not". Obviously hearing this I began to tear up inside. God was asking for me to come up higher, mature in Him and He will take care of the rest.

Go higher with Jesus, don't be afraid of the consequences. My Saviour is ready to fulfill His Word.
Psalm 25:5: Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Be blessed

Summer in Savannah (8) - How to put a woman in her place.

2010-07-14T17:24:00.001+01:00

"A woman's place in public is to sit beside her husband, be silent, and be sure her hat is on straight." This was a famous quote by Bess Truman, the wife of former U.S. President Harry S. Truman.
As you know I am a sucker for provocative blogs and I love to get a reaction out of people. So I will try best to do just that in this blog.

Well, not exactly.

Bess Truman didn't really want to be in the spotlight during her spouse's presidency, she preferred to be in the background. I know, when I first read this quote I thought: "Ole Ms. Truman is trippin...". However little did I know, her husband often referred to her as "Boss". This First Lady ran the White House like no other business. She was a strong-minded, intelligent woman who influenced her husband’s presidency. She was responsible for the smooth running of her husbands time in office. WOW! I was gobsmacked when I read this.

So how do we keep women in their place?

First off, the "place" of woman has never and will never be restricted to a 300 sq ft. size kitchen. No, we can venture out to the living room as well. Sorry, I didn't really mean that, I was just trying to be provactive again... No each woman is an individual and different and we all have different spheres for our life.

The best way to put a woman in her place is to: A) Find where she would like her place to be such as homemaking, teaching, court room, Wall Street B) Encourage her to be the best of the best in her designated "place".

I really believe women of God need encourgament from both men and women to remain in their "place".

Hebrews 3: 13
"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."

This "place" is God given. The "place" is part of God's perfect plan. Don't try and step into another woman's territory. For example if a woman is called to run her home full-time and homeschool her children then let it be. God has called that woman to bring Him glory and fulfill His purpose by remaining in her "place". However, you on the other hand may be called to work as a Corporate Exectuive of a huge firm but you feel that your place should be at home. Wrong! If God has given you the talent to run a business then you are going to get so frustrated trying to be something God never told you to be. Likewise, if your friends and family are not using Godly wisdom to encourage you and are constantly beating down your door for you to become something your not. Then this is not following Hebrews 3:13 and it is definetly NOT helping you find your "place" in the calling of God.

With all that said and done, I hope I have encouraged somebody.

Read my other article on how I have have struggled with the same issue.

Summer in Savannah (7) - Get married, work in Starbucks, have my baby

2010-07-11T06:37:00.000+01:00

I have such a hard time making decisions. One of my weakness is that I always settle for what will be an easy choice for me. I hate having preferences, I like things black and white (no pun intended). Just simple with no complications in between.
Let me just share a little story for you :
A few years ago, I dreamed of living a simple life. I wanted to be married, get pregnant and work in Starbucks until my baby was born. Then once my baby was born I would stay at home, loving and caring for the child until the next baby was due. And so forth. Mum and Dad if you are reading this "I AM SO SORRY" for having such thoughts. But it was true I went through a period of wanting things to be just simple. I didn't want much. Not much drama but a regular, normal life. Well, with a name like Chizor which happens to sound like "Cheese", you can't really ask for simplicity. I just didn't want to venture out anymore, I was ready to get up and quit Law School in order to have my "Simple Life".
Now, please do not hear what I am not saying. If you are pregnant and are working in Starbucks then that's awesome but it just wasn't for me.
Whenever God had a direct message for me, He would always use animals to describe my situation. He often uses imagery of birds esspecially the eagle. Now, we all know that the eagle flies higher than the common bird and most importantly the eagle knows how to soar above the storm.
It's so funny but months prior to coming to Savannah, storms were hitting my life big time. Everything was coming up against me to stop me from coming back to Georgia. Yet the Word of God proved itself to be true for in Psalm 23:5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. Applying this scripture to my life - God put me back in Georgia, back in the place I was running away from and He set my table for His glory. I was obliged to soar above my storm. I was running away from drama and confrontations, I wanted to have the simple life. However, simplicity can be boring especially when you serve an adventerous God.
Do I miss not having my simple dream? Certainly not! I still have my heart for the family and how important it is for me to see stable families. Nevertheless, God has put a deeper calling in my heart and I believe He is bringing that desire to completion this summer.
I have 5 cases which I am working on currently, that is 5 families I have to meet with and interview. That is 5 children who are under DFCS custody (Department of Family and Children Services) due to allegations of child abuse. I am required to visit the children in their various foster homes and report back to the Judge with a recommendation regarding their future welfare. Do you know how hard it is to be strong and not break down and cry when a 8 year girl is explaining to you (to the best of her knowledge) why her mother is incarcerated? Often I've felt like walking out of the courtroom in order to go to the bathroom and cry my eyes out due to the horrific child abuse cases I have to listen to. Do I really want to give up my simple Starbucks and baby dream for this? Yes! I do! Some may frown and tell me to my face that it isn't bibilical that I choose to one day be a child attorney AND a mother. I'm not going to argue with them on that one. All I know is this is the desire God put in my heart and since it is from Him, I will follow it through.
Goodbye 5 year plan, white pickett fence, stock broker husband, 2.5 kids and collier dog! Hello God's Pefect Will.

Summer in Savannah (6) Debi Pearl's NEW book - Preparing to be a Help Meet

2010-07-08T20:50:00.000+01:00

Normally I prefer to swipe my credit card to buy the latest fashion accessories or purchase the latest edition of “Look” . However this month I decided to be a little different…*clears throat*. I …uhh bought the new book by Debi Pearl titled “PREPARING TO BE A HELP MEET”. There I said it!

My secret is out. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Debi Pearl saga of books, she is notorious (and this IS not be slanderous) for rubbing the modern woman up the wrong way. Let me warn you some of the stuff she shares in this book will make your “feministic” blood boil. Well anyway in her first book “Created to be His Help Meet” she admonishes Christian wives attitudes towards their husbands. Her goal is for every Christian household to experience a heavenly marriage. I agree with her, God made marriage to be a heavenly institution. But is it just me or is our world as twisted as it seems ? If a woman chooses to stay at home is she being oppressed or living in ultimate freedom ? Those of you cynical intellectuals who have read and mused over Betty Friedan’s criticism of the 1950s housewife in her book Feminine Mystique may argue that the Christian woman who chooses to stay at home is a slave to her home and is NOT free.

Nonetheless, I’ve been experiencing this tug on my heart and I believe it was from the Holy Spirit. I think the reason why so many of us young women hate the idea of Ephesians 5: 22-24 (Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands) is because it does one thing. That one thing is : it takes control out of our hands. Having spoken to a Pastor friend of mine (I’m sure some of you reading this know exactly who this pastor is), the Holy Spirit confirmed to me through the Pastor what He was already trying to tell me. You see, I attempted to call myself a Christian feminist but there were just too many contradictions in that title so I dropped it. I decided to buy this book to assess my walk with God as well as weigh it up with scriptures. I do not agree with most things Ms. Pearl has to say however there are certain Kingdom Principles which she incorporates into her teachings. That is the idea of submission to God and recognizing His Kingship in our lives. She shows this in her teaching of young women and their future husbands. I know it is an extreme book for me to read but I have a purpose for reading it. So, I’m going to read it and I will write a follow up on what I have learnt.

Summer in Savannah (5) I want to encourage you

2010-07-07T05:33:00.000+01:00

"Life just isn't easy". I am sure some of you are scoffing at that statement and whole heartedly agreeing.

It really isn't though. There is always one thing or the other coming up against us but our reaction to the situation determines the outcome. These past few days I've been quite unsettled within my Spirit, I just felt so heavy and I allowed myself to become burdened with the worries of this world. I am a very antsy person and I do not like waiting for things. It's the worst thing one could ever do to me,is to allow me to wait. When I have to wait and be patient I am like a crack addict having withdrawal symptoms. I become fidgety and agitated. Most importantly I lose my peace.

Imagine if God gave you a specific Word but due to a slight personality disorder within you (i.e. impatience) you allowed yourself to work yourself into a frenzy because you could not see God's hand in a particular situation or you could not see how God was going to bless you through this. Remember the scripture that says thus : "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." Psalm 84:11. I love that word "shield". No matter what you are going through Jesus is our shield, our protection yet His bright sun will give us light to direct our paths. These past few days I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me "Wait", He also confirmed this through several means. Jesus was beckoning me to wait but I wasn't and I was losing my peace big time.

No matter what is happening around you, if it's that situation you are asking God to change in your marriage but still you see no change, or the sickness you are praying to leave your body, or you are believing for a complete deliverance of your child from satanic bonds. Hold fast! Meditate on this scripture: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." John 14:1.

I feel so convicted right now. I ask God day after day "Why?". Instead, I have my answer and it is always the same "Wait". "Do not be troubled". I know how it feels, don't think I don't. I bet you are saying " Chizor you don't know what it feels like". No, I may not know your particular situation but here is a principle in the Holies of Holies : " Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:18. I know what it feels like when you do not understand a situation but the solution is so simple. That is we as His children need to wait on Him. I believe I am speaking prophetically right now: there is a woman reading this blog so torn apart. I mean an emotional wreck. The pain is so intense that you feel like there is no way out. I tell you this, and this is the same Word the Lord gave me recently. "God will do for you what man could not". What you thought would last didn't. The people you believed would uphold you could not. However, I know my Jesus will do above and beyond . He will restore.

I have a confession to make on here. I have been slack in reading my bible and just some other areas of my life. God really showed me the importance of His word. No matter what happens never forsake His word.

In Christ

Chizor

Summer in Savannah (4) Letting go of past times

2010-07-03T06:34:00.000+01:00

It's 12:35 a.m. and I cannot sleep at all. I feel as though I am seeing things in my life from an objective point of view.
I've put up walls- walls with broken glass and barbed wire around the edges. I've put up these walls in my life and it hurts knowing that I have to tear them down in order to be set free entirely. I never really understood how much a situation could have such a tremendous impact on your life up until recently. Walls are not good to have. I want to pour out my heart in this particular blog.
I've been in bondage and have allowed my issues, my regrets and my hurts to shut other people out in order to protect myself. Sometimes I don't know I'm doing it but I am very well guarded.
I realize that my "tough girl" attitude is getting old and that Jesus desires that I live in total freedom.

Jesus really has come and he HAS healed the broken hearted and bound up their wounds. He did it all on the cross. We as women or even men do not need to "protect" ourselves anymore, God has made a way so that we can live life and have life in abundance.

I'm going through yet another transitional stage of the healing process and this I believe is the final stage but it's going to be the hardest and that is becoming vunerable again.
Hmm...you maybe asking yourself if I like someone right now? Hmm...well there is someone I have enjoyed hanging out with but all the time these huge barricades keep coming up. In summary I've been playing the hard-core rude "gyal" who isn't going to get screwed over- ever. But that's not a godly attitude to have.

Today, I released somethings and I am happy I did.

In closing, I am succumbing to the idea of having to be vunerable to love again. No, I haven't found that special someone just yet but I am learning to accept that not everybody will behave as those from the past.

It's time to stop grieving as Samual grieved so long over Saul, but rather get up, fill your horn with oil and go to the house of Jesse because God has chosen something better for you (1 Samuel 16:1).

In closing, the apostle Paul wrote "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead " Philippians 3:13.

God's way is perfect, inhale, exhale. Enjoy your life and let down those walls. It's a good day

In Christ

Chizor

Summer in Savannah (2)... Southern Cooking

2010-06-24T18:57:00.000+01:00

Right, if I am going to keep an accurate record of my time in Savannah, then I need to start labeling my posts accuratly. Hence from now on every post will be titled Summer in Savannah.

I have a little time to spare before heading back into the courtroom so I thought I should share how this past week has been. Last week, I joined a small group or rather a 'Life Group' at the Savannah Christian Church and I met an amazing group of people that night. Since then I have been swing dancing with a couple of the girls and I went to this martini bar thing in downtown Savannah...called Saya Lounge. Please note if you are looking to go dancing and meet lots of people Saya is not the place to go. Sorry but it did not live upto it's popularity status. Also I went line dancing for the first time ever with somebody from work, so yes I am definetly in the dirty South.

What do I like best about being here? COUNTRY COOKING! I love everything from sweet potatoe (or sweet patayta) pie to peach cobbler. Country cooking tops esspecially down here in ol' Savannah.

Embarrasing but true: I have officially subscribed to Southern Living, I just love the recipes they put in there.
I am a true GA peach at heart, I have no idea where my southern roots came from but I got 'em.

I do question my Southerness however as the British in me still rises, as I detest Sweet Tea with a passion. Like I feel Sweet Tea is a huge insult to milky britsh hot tea with two sugars. Ugh!

Nevertheless they love it over here...I just can't drink it though.

Ok to my fellow Brits here is a recipe that I am going to try and make here. So, be prepared we are going to eat it when I come home. It's called Lemondade Pie. Yes! Frozen Lemonade Pie...isn't that so American.

It should be interesting though.

I am really having a great time down here. The internship is self is very informative and rewarding also. I'm still trying to adjust to the seriousness of some of these cases but I know with God's help I will be o.k. and I need not fear. I've felt a little nervous because as of next week I have to start investigating child abuse cases and making my recommendations to the judge during court hearings. However, I am so happy to be here and it is definetly life changing.

Prayer request: Please keep in prayers all the juvenile deliquents that are locked up in detention centers for crimes they committed. It is heartbreaking seeing a child of 11 years old in an orange jumpsuit, with shackles round his feet and his hands handcuffed. Seriously pray for them and their families. For the enemy desires to sift them like wheat.

In Christ
Chizor

"This too shall pass"... Healing of a broken heart

2010-06-23T05:51:00.001+01:00

So my blog import is not working and I have copy and paste from my blog manually. If you have any tips on how it works please let me know.
My younger sister is an amazing dancer, like some of the moves she does I ask myself where did she get her "dance genes" from because they DO not run in the rest of the family. Anyway, a few months ago, in one of her many dance classes she attends (I think it was Jazz) she slipped and twisted her knee. Poor girl was in so much pain, they had to even call the ambulance. When she finally returned home she was on crutches, taking pain killers and was constantly in agony. I felt really sorry for her. She couldn't dance and I think that upset her the most. Days went on and the pain actually INCREASED. Each day became more and more uncomfortable for her. However this was only the initial stage. The doctor did say that at first the pain was going to be horrendous. Well as you probably guessed, with time her leg began to heal and even though she was still using crutches she was doing much better than before. It still hurt a little bit and at times her leg would spasm causing her more pain. Weeks rolled on by and before she knew it she was going around without the crutches, and with the power of prayer she made a speedy recovery and could dance again.

Where am I going with this? I never actually wanted to put my personal life/past on my blog because I was worried in case I exposed or offended people. However, what I am writing on here isn't to expose anybody but really to expose the power of God's healing touch.
This is the first time I am writing about last year on my blog. At the beginning of my second year of law school, my heart was badly broken due to rejection from a former relationship. I felt betrayed, angry and lonely. I felt like I was in a pit and I couldn't get out. Ugh! It was horrible. The first few months were unbearable. Yet, do you remember the story of Joseph and what he named his son after his restoration? Manasseh meaning "The Lord has caused me to forget". I think that this so beautiful that Joseph could name his first child that after all he had been through. Joseph's son was evidence of his testimony.
My heartbreak was so hard but as time rolled on, I picked myself up and prayed to Jesus, as He had already started the healing process. It's taking it's time but I am so much better than I was before. I thought that I could never love again, but these past few months the Lord showed me the meaning of true love. The more love I receive from Christ the more I know I will be able to give out to those around me.
A brokenheart more than hurts but as the saying goes "this too shall pass", it won't hurt afterwhile.
Am I completely whole and restored? By faith yes I am. I have my ups and downs and sometimes I get frustrated but I have made tremendous progress.
If you are at the beginning stage of pain just like my sister was, just know that at first it will hurt a lot but as time goes on it won't hurt anymore.
Why I have to experience all this? Hmm...I really don't know. But I will stress again that in Romans 8:28 : "All things work together for good, for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose".
As you know I am currently doing a law internship in Savannah, GA. I am right back in the country where my pain started. However, I can say that I am proud of myself and I look forward to seeing what the Lord has for me. Sometimes we can't always see good in things admidst our pain, and I could not see anything good in my pain. This internship that I have right now is a testimony in itself. It was given to me out of all the other candidates during one of the hardest times of my life. I love it out here and I know God called me to GA, and I believe the same heartbreak which I experienced in this same State, God will use it to doing an amazing thing in the state of GA.
:

"This too shall pass...and it passed".

Summer in Savannah (1) Confidence to be who I am

2010-06-17T13:54:00.000+01:00

The Holy Spirit has been showing me these past few days my level of confidence. Right now the confidence bar-o-meter is showing that over the past few months my level of sel-esteem has become stagnant.
I realised that I had lost a lot of confidence ( due to reasons which I can't be bothered to share) when I arrived in Savannah. Let me explain myself fully:
I am in a foreign country, in an unknown city where I did not know anybody prior to before I was coming. I followed the Lord in the dark, feeling my way around with only the voice of the Holy Spirit to guide me. And so here I am. A Legal Intern for the Honorable Judge W. Beam at Chatham County Juvenile Court. Let me be completely honest with you, at 22 years old and a foreigner you need a big dose of "confidence" to survive out here. Initially, I arrived on the job so worried about messing up or making a mistake or just simple not having the right personality to fit in. This was all due to my lack of confidence. Nonetheless Jesus has already been teaching me so much since I've been here. He tells me on a regular basis whenever I ask myself the question "What am I actually doing here?" Jesus kindly replies "Don't walk around like your an accident. You are supposed to be here because I called you ". This revelation hit me so hard. Even though you don't always know the ins and outs of God's perfect plan for your will, I think we can all be confident enough to agree that we are in God's perfect plan and He will never ever fail us.
Am I glad that I am thousands of miles away from home, living in my own apartment in a strange town, working a secular job? With a resounding YES...I most certainly am.

Well, that's all for now. I am about to start working on my first case which may involve issues of child abuse. I'll say this again, a year ago I never thought I would be doing this. I am very excited and I am already beginning to feel like an attorney.

I am confident to be who I am and most importantly the way God created me to be.

Sorry for lack of facebooking also!

Two weeks in GA...and still going strong!

2010-06-11T21:44:00.000+01:00

Yes, two weeks as a Legal intern in the 'Dirty Dirty' and I am loving every moment of it . My sincere apologies for not getting on facebook for awhile, I cannot access the world of social networking from my computer at the courthouse. However give me a few weeks and I will be on the old 'book' again with my new laptop.

Wow! I can't believe it, I still have to pinch myself to know that I am back in Georgia!!! Having left Atlanta last weekend, I have officially began my job as an intern for Judge Beam at the Chatham County Juvenile Court. And it has been extremely crazy but a lot of fun! Sometimes...I wonder if it's right for me to say that working on child abuse/ child deliquancy cases are 'fun'. Ok, well it's interesting to say the least.
To be honest this place breaks my heart. Having to sit day in and day out listening to the plight of children and teenager can be very hard to stomach and one must have tough skin. Yet one must have tough skin and a tender heart. Imagine having to hear excuses from mother's regarding why they shot their own child or why there child has been sexually abused by a family member. Ugh! But, God is doing a work within me...I really think I want to pursue being a child attorney. I don't really care for corporate litigation or commericial disputes, I feel my calling is right here with juvenile cases.
I've seen kids as young as 12 wearing jumpsuits and chains round their hands and feet. No, my conviction will not allow me to pursue the wealth of capitalistic companies who constantly argue over "who stole which brand name from whom". God is really doing a work within me.

Savannah is a beautiful city I must say. I will have pictures very soon! Right, now I will soon begin to learn the role as a guardian ad litem ( An individual (often a lawyer) appointed to represent the best interests of a child or incapacitated person for the purpose of a legal procedure) and I will soon begin working on cases regarding children who may have been abused.
Yes, I must say I love it out here! I still don't know where God will have me in the next few years to come but wherever it will be I know it's a good place. Will I be married soon? Who knows? I'm not counting on it though. I do want to have a family of my own one day As well as run in out of court cases all day. However, the Lord knows that all things are possible with Him. I just need to take one step at a time.

In Christ

Chizor

My dirty little secret- Atlanta to Savannah!

2010-05-28T16:55:00.001+01:00

Don't worry, this blog post will not be full of scandals. It's just that I am letting my readers know that I am in the United States, Georgia for that mattter, pursuing God's call on my life. So, I know I have been keeping my mouth shut these past few months about my plans for the future. To be frank, I kept quiet all this time because the Lord wanted me to exercise wisdom, and part of that wisdom was keeping my head down and laying low.

So, without further procastination...I am currently on an internship with the Law School at the University of Emory where I will be interning as a legal intern in Child Advocacy! My job will actually be in Savannah, Georgia at the juvenile court where I will intern as a guardian ad litem (check it up on wikipedia, as I am not about to bore you with definitions). Many people look at me and ask the same question over and over again: "Why would a british girl, a black british girl as a matter of fact come to Georgia ?". Not to sound like a pompous git or anything but I come because it's God. Years ago, God actually showed me Atlanta in a dream and so from 2006, I began to work with different non-profit organizations in the inner city. I enjoyed what I was doing but somewhere along the line I may have become distracted and missed the purpose of God, and the end result wasn't that great. I like to compare the voice of the Holy Spirit to a satellite navigator : if you get off track somewhere, God is always faithful to redirect on to the orginal path He had for you.
My 2nd year at Law School was an extremely tough one for me to be quite honest. I knew God was calling me to pursue a law degree for His glory but emotionally I was a mess and I couldn't see how I could go on another day. Yet God was faithful in the midst of it all. I really understood that scripture in
Proverbs 18: 24 which states that "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother". God had to do what I couldn't. He had to remove somethings out of my way so that he could be that friend who stuck closer to me than a brother. When I had cried all the tears in the world, God would just remind me of His faithfulness. Part of His faithfulness was this particular internship I have just secured. Which by the way gives an incredible grant to it's particpants. Just a little side note for those wishing to pursue law...
He reminded me of the call He placed in my heart for the inner city in Georgia and of how many children were out there, who may or may not be getting enough protection from the law. I want to thank Ms Brenda Rolle at the juvenile court in Atlanta, who I met last summer whilst interning for the Atlanta Metro Kidz, she didn't even know me but she encourged me to apply for the internship. Seriously guys, God will always prove Himself strong and when He has a plan for you, He will begin taking things away only to replace it with something better. Ms Rolle was certaintly God sent.

I graduate by the God's grace from Law School next year and I am not sure what the next step will be but I've learnt that "All things work together for good, for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose" Romans 8: 28

If God can turn a bad situation in my life around, then He most certaintly will do it for you.

In Chirst

Chizor

Don't let me fall Lord

2010-05-18T16:08:00.001+01:00

This past week I have been waking up with butterflies in my stomach and the tightening of my chest. I have been so afraid about the next step in my life. God has given me a project to work on and as the deadline approaches, fear is rushing in like a flood. But we all know what the scripture says in Isaiah 59:19 When the enemy comes in like a flood God will lift a standard against them .
I keep on asking God the same questions over and over again ; "Why use ME Lord? I can't do it!' It's strange because I want to do it but I feel like it's so beyond me to complete. I think that's where the amazing power and testimony of God steps in and Philippians 4:13 comes into play. Without Him I can do nothing.
This morning I was speaking to my earthly father, just sharing my fears and how hopeless I felt completing this God given task. My father made it clear to me that I need not worry because even though I may not the most intelligent person in the world, God has anointed me and is with me. It made me smile and I realises that it is okay to feel afraid at times. God isn't going to let me fall but desires for me to do the task and sometimes DO IT AFRAID.
I actually shake just thinking about the next step I am to take but I remember this particular scripture:

"Every place on which the sole of your foot treads shall be yours; your border will be from the wilderness to Lebanon, and from the river, the river Euphrates, as far as the western sea." Deuteronomy 11:24

God has already given all things to you and me.

A little construction work

2010-05-17T22:15:00.000+01:00

As you have probably noticed my blog has undergone a facelift or rather a face transplant. It really is a season of new beginnings and one way I wanted to express this was by giving my blog a more of spring/summer look.
The blog switch is over is almost here...so watch this space.

Much love

All things are working for you and me

2010-05-11T11:05:00.000+01:00

At the moment I am trying to complete my essay for Grad school and so far, so tough. Anyhow I've decided to take a break (please note I have only written the title) and write this blog.

Do you remember the story of Joseph and how his elder brothers whom which were so dear to him rejected and misused him. His own flesh and blood sold him into slavery and I believe the icing on the cake for dear Joseph was when he ended up in a prison cell for several years. What would you have done if you were Joseph? If you own brother betrayed you and sold you into slavery out of spite? I'm sorry I would've probably killed somebody...but then again that's just my erratic behaviour. But seriously, can we even comprehend what Joseph must have felt.
Years down the line God established His purpose for Joseph and exalted him far above anything Joseph could ever imagine or think. I mean from the ol' slave house to the palace- Joseph was made governor of Egypt. I have often asked myself though, what was going through Joseph's mind during all that time as prisioner. Did he weep? Did he get angry at his brothers? Did he even get angry at God? I'm not in a position to answer those questions but I do believe that during this time Joseph went through some heart to heart therapy with the Lord. I always tried to put myself in Joseph's shoes. Completely different situation but the same pain and tears.
However, you cannot enjoy the story of Joseph's incredible success and prosperity without reading about his trials first. God used Joseph's trials to make him what he was.
Finally, when Joseph was well and established, his own brothers came to HIM for help. I bet some of you are thinking right now : The audacity of it all! This is what Joseph said : " As for you , you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring about this present result in order to save many lives" Genesis 50:20.
To be honest in it's utmost, it's been a rough 2nd year at university for me. Extremely rough and it was beyond something my human nature and heart would never have been able to withstand if it hadn't been for the Lord. I am writing this as a closing blog of my 2nd year at Law School.
I began this year heartbroken and in a right state. Pain was my meal of the day (that's if I even ate anything). The wounds were just open. Yet this is my final week of University and God blessed ne above more than I expected. I didn't come out of this year struggling and trying to maintain calm. No! I achieved so much, more than I could possible imagine. Just the fact that I can even sit here and apply for Grad school is beyond me. All the trials and tribulations that I went through God was preparing me. He was preparing me for the ministry He had predestined me to do. Anything that God takes out of your life is only because it wasn't God's best for you. Joseph being with his family in Canaan wasn't God's best. No, Joseph had to go through somethings in order for the purpose of God to be fulfilled.

This will be my last blog until the BIG BLOG SWITCHOVER but it's been a very painful year at university. Yet the Lord was faithful and he kept on blessing me. I can stand up and say that through all the confusion, misunderstanding, heartbreak, pain and sickness God turned it around for good. I thought it was me who planned my way but the Word says that it's God who orders a woman steps.

Too all those who prayed for me, helped me and just encouraged me your work is not forgotten. It has been an eventful 2nd year right from the gecko but all this was for God to fulfill His perfect plan and purpose.

Finally happy, finally content, finally in love with Jesus.

Ladies turn your face to the wall.

2010-05-07T19:23:00.001+01:00

I've just returned from a coffee date with my good friend and mentor Denise from my church. She has been such a help these past few months and I pray God richly blesses her.

Well, as I was coming home these thoughts began to plague my mind. It was as almost as though Old Miss Low Self Esteem decided to pay me a visit. She just wouldn't let up the whole train ride home. Guys I am going to be truthful here, sometimes it's hard to fight those demonic voices of oppression, nevertheless I was determined in my spirit that I was not about to give in. But the thoughts kept on coming, thoughts such as "Are you really good enough? Can you really accomplish this? What gives you the audacity to say that you are beautiful and God has crowned you with His glory?" I'm sure we hear these voices sometime in our lives but let me warn you . If these voices are not brought into subjection to the Word of God they will destroy you. I almost wanted to give into the voices of my past and just dwell on everything I had done wrong. However, in Isaiah 40:31 it states " But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles". I didn't have any strength left to fight off the words which were trying to oppress me but I turned my face to the wall just like Hezekiah did in 2 Kings 20 and I knew that my strength had to come from the Lord. I turned my back on whatever was being spoken to my spirit and did what I knew best : turn my face to the wall and look to God.

Hezekiah was told by a prophet himself that he was going to die. I mean if it was me I would have just packed up, drafted my will and organized preparations for my funeral. Nonetheless, King Hezekiah turned his face to the wall, this meant he turned against the situation that was at hand and looked to God. Women no matter what is going on, do not let anything overwhelm you. If it gets too much, turn right around in your spirit and look to God. When you "turn to the wall" you are saying no to the situation, you are saying no to well-meaning friends who may give you wrong advice, you are saying no to sympathisers and you are saying "GOD I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!".

Isn't He the same God that sent fire by night and a cloud by night to protect the Israelites in the desert? When everything was coming against them , they knew that it was only the Jehovah Jireh that could provide a way out. Ladies, ignore those negative things which are being spoken over you! God loves you so deeply and has an amazing plan for you. I know very well that it's so easy to think that God has forgotten about you and everything is going wrong. Listen to my words, I am a living testimony to God's goodness. I have literally seen with my own eyes God turn a bad situation right around. I wouldn't just say this if I didn't mean it. Walk away from those negative things, walk away from anything or anyone holding you back.

Some of you have been called to leave your conventional lifestyle of potential housewife to minister to teenage girls who suffer from genitial mutiliation in rural parts of Somalia. Some of you have been called to stop living upto your family and friends expectations but rather pursue a degree in medicine in order to bring healthcare to third world countries or right in your hometown. I know some of you ask God everyday the same question : "How can you use me I am just a woman?". Turn you face to the wall. Let me put this out there now. Maybe God has told you and your husband to stop having children for sometime and adopt an orphan from Thailand or Nigeria yet you fear what others may say. Turn you face to the wall.

I have been in each of those situations and often I have wept so bitterly just like King Hezekiah did when he faced the wall. I look at how much I have changed and I only changed because I wanted to please my Jesus. I feel like with Christ there is a whole new adventure set before me. I am not and never will be your conventional woman. If I am called to stay at home and look after my dear children then I will not be your conventional housewife. If I am called to fight furiously in Parliament for the rights of the marginalised then I will not be your coventional politician. Why? Because I turned my face to the wall and looked to Christ who is my hope and glory.
Be blessed. x

Stay tuned for the big blog switchover in a few weeks

I'm finally in a relationship

2010-04-29T12:14:00.002+01:00

So the secret is out! I'm in a relationship! Ok, before some of you start blowing up my phone asking for details I'll write it on this blog.

Let me describe this special someone. In Numbers 23:19 it describes this someone as not being a man. It's actually God. Yes, I've finally come to that point in my Christian walk with God that He really is or rather He has to be my all in all.

I can't explain it guys but I'm so in love with the Lord. I went through a painful time laying down my rights to a "relationship" and eventually I've just let it go.

My heart cries out for women who cling to men hoping to find their self-worth and fulfilment. I used to dance to the same record of "You are nothing without a guy in your life". I don't know if I was really serving God before, I guess I was but He was always second in my life. I know, the shame of it all. Nevertheless, right now I can get up and talk about God's faithfulness because I've seen it myself. I can get up and preach about God drawing near to the brokenhearted because the past 6 years of my life I've seen the hand of God in my life.

I'm finally in a relationship guys. There is still this longing for human companionship but oh that void I felt for years, God is filling it. If I am to become the "missing rib" of one young man, I am just a vessel because God can only fill that space in a guy's life really.

This morning I was on my knees praying and I just began to cry and the tongues just began to flow. My heart began to stir up again for the Philippines. For some of you who didn't know but it's been a childhood dream to travel to the Philippines. However, I believe I got distracted by the things of this world and forgot all about it. I endeavour to travel out there when I graduate from Law School next year. It's in God's hands at the moment. There are women that I am beginning to admire. I've put my Help-Meet books aside and have taken up books by Amy Carmichael and Carrie ten Boom. These women were World Changers. Currently I am reading "Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy". This book is A-mazing! . I can't stress this enough women of God. Never ever take this single season as a waste of time. When my heart began to break just as God's heart broke it was because He was uncovering all the desires He had placed there earlier. God doesn't just want us to just say the "sinner's pray". He desires a relationship with us young ladies. I don't think I was in a relationship with the Lord before. I really wasn't. I was just a Christian but God had been knocking on my doors for years.

Nowadays, I wake up in the morning with a "go-getter" attitude. I know it sounds childish but I feel as though I can conquer the world and with Him all things are possible. My desires that I had planted in me years before were just stagnant and were gathering dust but my Lover has uncovered them.

My parents always told me that if I am to marry in the future, the guy should be able to uncover dreams and desires within me. The guy should want to propel me forward in every way imaginable. That's exactly what God has been doing these past few months.

How can I sit here and say that my affliction, my tears, my struggling was in vain? Heaven forbid! I learnt who my Maker was in those dark times. I will be forever grateful. I learnt that nothing could ever take the place of God. Nothing! Do you know how horrible and tormenting it can be to always look at the opposite sex for security? Young women have ended up in Mental Institutes due to failed relationships or worse ended up in the grave.

I have so much to be thankful for and go on my knees for. I remember I got a personal message from Joyce Meyer herself and she gave me a book as a gift. She planted a seed in my life and so many others did the same thing. My heart breaks for young women, my heart breaks for broken families, my heart breaks for the brokenhearted. I want to be able to give back...

Opportunities have just been coming up from the left and the right these past few months and yes I am grateful that I am single so I can do all these things.

So Mr Right hasn't come along just yet. Well actually he Has. God is Mr Right. Whoever said He can't be? I'm finally in a relationship and I just want to go deeper and deeper with God.

Thanks for reading! Remain blessed

BLOG SWITCH OVER IN A FEW WEEKS- STAY TUNED!! It's going to be wild!

Capturing the Photograph

2010-04-26T14:26:00.001+01:00

I just love this photograph. It was taken in 1991 in Diyarbakir, Turkey. A Kurdish woman is put on trial for alleged treason but her only crime was to stand up for the rights of the Kurdish minority in Turkey.

This photograph is one of my favourites, I just love the expression she has on her face. Yet she is dressed so nicely and very feminine but it's her face that captures the essence of the photograph. Almost like it says

"Though everything is against me, I've lost everything and the storms are blowing. I will stand in the midst of it all and stay strong. I wll keep my head up."

I had a sudden urge to encourage you (yes you)

2010-04-24T18:41:00.000+01:00

This morning I woke up with this song in my hear titled "Thank You Lord (For being there for me)" by Fred Hammond. Personally, I was remembering the goodness of God and where He has brought me from. The Word of God says that "We know that God works all together for good for those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8: 28.
I can bet my life on it that God has a plan and purpose for you! It's sometimes so so hard to see this in the midst of our trials and tribulations but God is faithful and He is working the best out for you. I have been so encouraged today, despite sitting here doing my work the Holy Spirit has just been ministering to me.
Let me encourage you whilst I encourage myself. You may have felt hurt, embarrased, ashamed by things which were and were not in your control but if it wasn't for the Lord we would have died in our mess. He has not finished with your story and He is able.
Stay focussed on Him and just give Him thanks. I know sometimes you just want to give up and let everything in your world fall apart. But wait my sister! God isn't finished. Though the bills are high, though your child is still dealing that dope, though your husband hasn't found work yet, though you thought you were in love but your heart got broken. Hold on! God is with you! The bible says Hope will never fail. No matter what happens God has a plan and it is a good plan! No it is the best plan!
Just say thank you ! He is awesome. I've been through some of the worst type of pains, I've cried until I felt my insides were going to fall out. I've rolled around my bed in agony because of the burden I was carrying. But if it wasn't for the Lord by my side...! Today I am a testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ , I have no regrets about what I went through. I am glad I went through it even though at the time I couldn't see it. I can wake up with a smile on my face and know His promises that today is going to be a good day. I can prove that the scripture which says that Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61:1). He did it in my own life!
I know what it feels like when all your friends desert you in the midst of your pain, I know what it feels like to never have a phone call or an email when you needed it the most. That's o.k because you are bigger than all that. You may think it sucks at the time but that is God showing you who your true and faithful friends are. Just make sure you return the favour to all those who comforted you when you cried.
I just had a sudden urge to encourage you (yes you).

Please stay tuned for the BIG BLOG SWITCH OVER. Yes this blog will be taken a new and an amazing God ordained turn!
COMING SOON!

Are Single Christian Women settling for less?

2010-04-23T19:31:00.000+01:00

Recently, I've been discovering who I really am. Determining my likes and dislikes, what type of clothing I prefer to wear , right up to my political party. I officially changed my facebook political status. Yes, my secret is out, I am no longer swinging to the Left but I am opting for the Conservative Party. Sorry fellow Sussexinites, I have turned my back on Liberalism.
Another thing that I have been thinking about is the plight of Single Christian Women in today's 21st Century. As time goes on, and the wiser I get I have begun to question my surroundings.

Are we young women settling for less than God's best in exchange for marriage? Marriage is awesome and I cannot wait to tie the knot someday. However, I have started to question my motives. The other day I had a conversation with my good friend Marie regarding her current relationship status with her beau. They've been going strong for a good while now and marriage is definetly a hot topic for them. I love Marie to pieces but she made a comment the other day which I had to strongly disagree with. It was just general banter about life, family and the topic soon switched over to marriage. Marie quite openly told me that her desire for the future was thus : "All I want to do is serve my husband to be. I don't care about anything else". Marie is fine with me sharing this. We are cool like that...

However, Marie never pursued higher education. I am not saying without education you are screwed, no I know many people who forfeited going to university in pursuit of something else and were quite succesful. Nevertheless, if you are like Marie your story may not end up like that. So many of us (including myself) can become so disgruntled with our single situation as single christian women, so many of us are 18, 19, 20, 21 not 60! I am 22 and science tends to prove that women reach their fertility height at 23! No wonder so many young women out there are pulling their hair out because at 15 Mr Right hasn't come along yet.

What's my point here? We seem to stop living before we get married. We think that life begins when the "I do's" are said. I THINK THAT! But God needs to be our all in all. I know it's hard because sometimes you feel like an outcast in church because singleness is not easily welcomed. Yet God is working in our singleness. Personally, and I am sure I can speak on behalf of a lot of my friends in Sussex that God has put each and everyone of us to use in our time as single ladies. Don't stop enjoying yourself because no suitable suitor has come to ask for your hand in marriage. Fellow college ladies, ask God what He wants to do with you in your college, and ignore the lies that the enemy whispers to you about universit not being a place for christian women. I am speaking to myself too. I have a desire to become the missing "rib" of one young, handsome man one day. I mean constantly I am praying for Channing Tatum to become saved, partly because I want to marry him but my life doesn't end there. I need to find my happiness NOW! In the Lord. I have spent too long stuck in the future and I have missed a substantial part of the Lord's doing in my single life. I don't want to do it again. Yes, wait patiently on the Lord in faith and He will bring the right one along. But it also says faith without works is dead. So stop moping around all sad and depressed, get an education and pursue God in it. He hasn't finished with us young ladies yet. Settle only for God's best

Sorry I haven't passed through in a while...

2010-04-18T17:07:00.001+01:00

I am bogged down with an essay deadline regarding the co-ownership of property but I should have a new article up and running.
Other than that I love the Lord, He has been great and I will enter His courts with thanksgiving in my heart.

Journey to emotional healing part II

2010-04-11T20:28:00.002+01:00

In Nigerian culture, the "Ada" is the first born daughter is a prized possession. She is highly favoured by her parents, she has an extremely demanding role to play within her family and everybody has high positive aspirations for her. "Ada-eze" in the igbo language can be translated as "Princess". I grew up knowing my role as the "Ada" of my household. I knew I was of value and I knew I was a woman who demanded respect. But good old fashioned Western Hollywood tends to minimise the Princess Daughter of the home. We begin to compare ourselves to supermodels and what the "ideal woman" should look like. However, when our individual characteristics don't add up to Hollywood zombies we begin to feel like we are worthless.

I have suffered rejection before. And don't lie to me, you have too. You feel as though you have been thrown away, that you are an invalid and you are not the "Ada" you once were. We suddenly ask questions such as "What's wrong with me?". For years I would ask myself this question. I thought something was extremely wrong with me.
The scriptures says in Psalm 37:25 I was young and now I am old... When I began to go through a spiritual transformation and maturity, I began to recognise all that my Father in Heaven had for me. I began to recognise what His Word said about me. If you are ever going to get over and beyond yourself you are going to have to take the Word of God and stand upon it. Many months I just stood on His Word and repeated scriptures to myself over and over and over again. I began to speak positive things about myself. When I was going through my Wilderness, I remember writing to Joyce Meyer Ministries just asking for prayer. I never got a response to my request but a few weeks later a gift arrived through the door. It was a book written by Joyce Meyer titled Healing the Brokenhearted which had daily scriptures which one could confess over and over to themselves.

I cannot stress this enough but there is POWER in the Word of God. Isaiah 55:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
No matter what has happened or what caused you rejection. Just know the promises of God. Hold onto Him and He will lead your along the straight path.

Do I still feel pain? Yes, I do. I don't get upset about things as I used to though. Nevertheless, I did shed some tears the other day. They came out of nowhere but I also know the healing process hurts. Yet, I am glad I can go through all this knowing that God knew about this all along. Nothing ever surprises God! The healing process will hurt but as long as you keep your hands off the "wound" it will heal over. You are the prized "Ada" of the most High King!

Journey of emotional healing Part 1

2010-04-07T15:08:00.000+01:00

You may or not know but I love fashion and I love to shop (when I have money). Recently, it seems as though the fashion industry has flooded the shops with butterflies and pearls. From rings, to earrings, to bracelets to patterns on shirts. Maybe I am in season hence the title of my blog- butterfly and pearls.
It's spring time! Season of New Beginnings.

I like Spring because when I look at all the flowers which are around on my grass, I remember winter. I remember that there wasn't a flower in sight. England had a very bad winter but looking around now you can't even tell. It's so funny that winter was so bitter this year as if it ran parallel with the first half of law school this year. I know I have spoken about it before and it was the Holy Spirt that got me through those dark nights. The word of God says about Christ in Luke 4:18 that The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor, He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.

I held on to that scripture so tightly. Pain is Pain. Yet we should never choose to experience it alone. Every night and day I would lock myself in my room and go to the feet of Jesus. I would just talk it all out with Him. There is also one woman who helped me so much and her name is Joyce Meyer. Before some of you shoot the messenger because of her gender, if this woman of God didn't stand up and take on the call of God, I don't know what I would have done. Yes she has touched millions of people around the world but God knew that a storm was going to hit my life and He rose up Joyce Meyer for that reason too. This woman knows about emotional healing. She has been there. God will sometimes use your pain to help someone else later in life. Romans 8:28 states And we know that in all things God works for good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose.

When you are going through grief, pain, sorrow - go to the Lord. I can testify to this. I think I have learnt a valuable life lesson. No matter what life throws at you, go to the feet of Jesus. Also what I have found to be encouraging in my life, is that every storm and every trial God will permit in order to mould us. You may not see the reason for your pain but I can tell you this : hold on to God and He will be sure to keep to His promise in Romans 8:28.

I think this also teaches me to trust Him so much more. Even though many of my questions go unanswered, the Word of God always reassures me that all is well. I think that's why Horatio Spafford could write the song "It is well with my soul" when he learned of the horrific deaths of his daughters.

I don't think I could sit her and write a blog if I didn't have a taste of the bitterness of life also.

The Encouraging Girlfriend. Why I want to marry William Wilberforce

2010-04-02T22:53:00.001+01:00

I just want to set the record straight: I do not want to marry the dead 18th Century politician William Wilberforce. I watched the film "Amazing Grace" last nigh. Nevertheless, I do want to discuss his courtship with Barbara Ann Spooner who later became his wife. For those of you who are not sure of who William Wilberforce was, he sat in the House of Commons and campaigned heavily against the slave trade in Great Britain. Initially, he wrestled with the idea of God and politics and felt he should leave politics entirely to pursue "religion". Yet as his conviction grew stronger and the atrocities of slavery grew worse he finally listened to the Quakers who simply said "We humbly suggest you do both". He knew the Lord required him to enter the House of Commons, and in 1807 the Slave Trade Act was passed abolishing slavery.

I want to concentrate on Barbara Ann Spooner. Her conduct throughout the film left a lasting impression on me. She knew what she believed in and was ready to tell the world. I am sure this was frowned upon back then because for anybody especially a young lady to be associated with the abolition of slavery was a taboo or worse branded a "revolutionist". However, she encouraged William Wilberforce to go on campaigning against slavery despite all the reproach he was getting from his peers. Though she could not enter the House of Commons herself (gender issues) if given the chance I am sure she would have.

I see this lady as role model for other young women. She didn't sit by idle and just wave her fan and play Bridge while William wrestled with his campaign. She read, she boycotted sugar imported from plantations , she wore "Anti-Slavery badges", she went on the picket line. She did all this before she met William. It wasn't William who shaped her beliefs. It was the conviction of the Holy Spirit that shaped her attitude towards the evils of slavery.

My point here is that we as women have a role to play. We all love to here about the Proverbs 31 woman. I believe Barbara Ann Spooner reflected this woman in the bible. Proverbs 31:16 states thus : She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard . The woman here is well learned and she is an excellent property buyer. These are skills she may have acquired before she met her husband. We all know that this time in our single lives, is a time we need to start learning how to handle finances. But there is something much more deeper than just finances. Shouldn't we women be out there? Shouldn't we young women speak out against injustices? Yes let me be a devil's advocate here, but shouldn't some of us be in the House of Commons?

The courtship between Barbara Ann Spooner and William Wilberforce really inspired me. Hence my conclusion of wanting to marry a man just like him. Barbara encouraged William not because he was her boyfriend but because she knew change was going to come and that God had called William to bring that change. That passion for justice had already been stirred up long before she met William.

What's new on Chizor Street.

2010-03-30T20:24:00.000+01:00

I've just been looking over my old articles which I wrote months ago. It's so crazy but so humbling at the same time. Too be honest and truthful, a few months ago I was a lady who was going through an emotional hell. I think the first month of my abyss I was like an underweight zombie. Nevertheless, if you were to see me now I am so much different. I'm happier, my weight is coming under control, the future is bright (you need to put your "stunnaz" (protective eyewear) on to see it) ...hehehe) and I am more in love with the Lord than ever before. Sometimes God will need to strip you of somethings, break you down, make you go through some fiery trials only to bring you forth like gold. Job 23:10.

God has been my strength and my rock. I've changed so much. I mean I have changed for the better. I managed to do some acting this year, as well as a little modelling and I have a hidden party talent which I learnt at the A.C.A.S Arts (African Carribbean Asian Society). I learnt the choreography to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and performed it with the group at an event called "Culture Fest".

I've come out of my shell...or rather my cocoon . Like a caterpillar goes through metamorphosis, so have I.

I have some AMAZING news to share! God has blessed me but you are going to have to watch this space . Literally. My blog will be taking a new turn in the next few weeks. So I hope you stay tuned and stay patient.

Ciao!

It's time I give up the offence

2010-03-25T22:36:00.000Z

God just isn't letting me get off easy.This is a follow up from the other blog I wrote It's 22:17 p.m and I am just downstairs listening to a song titled "Your Majesty". Personally, when I listen to this song I actually think of worship. You hear it and your spirit begins to rise up, and your flesh begins to quiver. Your flesh quivers because it comes to realise the holiness of our Lord Jesus Christ.

God isn't going to let this go. I heard Him tell me right now "Chizor you are still holding unforgiveness in your heart. Let it go." It isn't easy but we all have to forgive. Truly and sincerely. God isn't letting me get off lightly with this one. I cried out to God that I still feel the pain. God replied "Release it. Just release it".
We need to release the offence and the person who offended us. Why hold on to it? The biggest thing that the Lord told me to do was not to repeat the offence. This meant that I should not talk about it anymore.
He spoke to me through His Word this morning. You know I mentioned before how I've been doing a study on forgiveness, and I need it to become a part of me. Well this is what I read: Colossians 3:13 states that we must "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. FORGIVE AS THE LORD FORGAVE YOU."
I asked God how was I supposed to do this if I still felt hurt? He responded so gently "Bear with one another" To bear is to endure, to show patience and to hold back. God knows that some hurts are so painful that they could scar if the Lord doesn't intervene and heal us. However, He will give us the grace as He asks us to endure these things. He will give you the patience to get through the situation, to endure even in the face of your worst enemy. Jesus is a God that will never desert you.

Lay down whatever it is on the altar. It's no use holding that pain anymore. Jesus wants it. The more you hold it, the more it will pain your heart. I guarantee you God will take care of the rest.

Jesus loves you so much!

Why Women Need to be Educated.

2010-03-24T23:53:00.000Z

I enjoy watching documentaries concerning the lives of women, especially in it's global context. I just finished watching one, and it broke my heart. It actually convicted me. A girl who is my age, left Afganistan almost two decades ago in order live a safer life in London. She now returns to see what Afghanistan is like. Yes, the country has improved but people's hearts are broken. Women are heavily discriminated against. They face death almost every day. It made me look at my own life.

It's so funny, when I look back on my own life. I wanted to get married young, Law School was just an obstacle which blocked my way from the nuclear family I always dreamed of. I wanted it to be over and done with. I felt that if I was just married my life would be complete. I had almost a subservient attitude towards relationships.

I may lose my audience when I write this, but this is my blog so I am entitled to write what I want according to Article 12 of the Human Rights Act 1998. Well, to an extent at least...

Anyway where was I? I knew that I knew that I knew God had a purpose for my life. If I tried to fight it in order to be like my friends, then I was waging a losing war. God had a hold of my life. I was to go to Law School for three things:

1) My education was not for myself. It was for the improvement of society. I have a heart for children living in poverty. Why? Because I know what it's like to be dirt poor. I mean dirt poor. Nobody would have thought I of all people could get a degree. I graduate Law School next year, and want to finish with a 1st class. Not for myself, but rather so that I can pass on the legacy to the girl or boy who believes their circumstances dictate their lives. I never saw it from that point of view, I just wanted to be married and settled down. Oh but the Lord in Heaven had a different agenda.

Do you know if you ask any girl in Afghanistan why they want to be educated, they most probably will give you the same response? "I want to get an education to improve my country?" These are 15 year old girls saying this. Who may have just escaped marriage by the skin of their teeth.

These girls carry there book bags and pencils to school, in FEAR. They don't know if they are going to come back home alive due to Taliban attacks on their schools. Imagine, you set off for school like any other British kid, but you come home with one leg blown off. In Afghanistan education for women is a privilege not a right.

2) My children. When I write essays, no matter how boring and tedious they can be I think of my children. I want these children to know "Mama did it". I want them to know that all things are possible. I want my children to know that they have a role to play as leaders of the next generation. I don't care if my daughters decide to become stay-at home mums, as long as they are passing on to my grandchildren a Godly and fruitful academic education.

3) This is the most imporant of them all. I am studying in order to give GLORY TO MY LORD. My life is a testimony to the goodness of Jesus. I knew how my admission came about and I certainly had nothing to do it with it. However, my life I owe Him. My education I completely owe to Him. If the Lord permits that I stay at home and homeschool my children, 'yes and amen.' For I know His glory will still be revealed.

For a long time I found it hard to get out of my head that education was bad. I went through a phase where I felt I was exalting myself above God if I acquired knowledge. This was only due to my lack of revelation and understanding. I felt if I did the bear minimum with my life such as not aspiring to earn a decent salary, or get a Ph.D in metaphysics then I would be in the will of God. I got it all wrong. I never new that with a decent salarly, I could bless missionaries in Afghanistan who could help these young girls.
I'm not the Chizor you used to know. Yes, I still want to get married and have kids but it doesn't end there for me. Yes, I may offend some people. This isn't my intention but only to share truth. Women, we need to educate ourselves. Let's stop being selfish and educate ourselves for the Lord and allow Him then to move.
My eyes were opened when I saw so many of my friends getting married so young without giving education a second glance. My eyes opened when I saw my friends having nervous breakdowns when relationships ended and their 10 year life plan failed. I knew there had to be more to life than this. I've been there and I cannot judge.However, one can learn from others mistakes. Please do not take this as a feminist manifesto, I am as anti-feminist as they come. Nevertheless, I do want to encourage you not to hold back and ignore that still small voice that is telling you to go 'ahead and jump out in faith'. The Lord will provide and lead you.

I have attached the link to the program I watched. I hope it blesses someone.

Click here to watch!

Bitterness in my mouth and an Unforgiving heart pounding in my chest

2010-03-23T13:12:00.000Z

I woke up this morning feeling annoyed. The neighbours are doing some construction work in their garden at 9:30 a.m. (University is off for easter, so don't think I am lazy!). Well, I was forced to get up and start my day. Just before I opened up my bible, I could taste bitterness on my tongue, my stomach was turning and my temperature was rising. Some may call this pregancy symptoms, but let me set the record straight I am not pregnant. Far from it.
Actually, I recognized this feeling. It comes when I ponder on something over and over and over again causing me recollect past offenses. I asked God "I thought I was done with this. Why is it coming back up again?". I just heard the Lord reply " You still have bitterness and unforgiveness in your life".

It's not for me to feel ashamed or guilty. No! The dark areas of my life were just brought to the light. God desires to have a deeper, much more intitmate relationship with us that's why He will shed light on things.
Knowing that I was very much angry and hurt by things in my life, I knew that Jesus was the answer. Recently, I have been asking the Lord to mentor me and show me His way of living. If I am ever going to be all that He desires me to be then I need to depend on Him. Again I heard the voice of the Lord speak to me, and He said thus : "Read everything there is about forgiveness in my Word. Don't stop until this Word becomes part of you".
I knew this was the instructions of the Holy Spirit and that was my assignment for my life. Therefore, I have begun to read the story of Stephen and how he was stoned to death by the Jews.
The last thing he said before he died was in Act 7: 50 "Lord, do not hold this sin against them" . You know what I thought when I read this? "Well, Stephen was a holy man and he was a disciple so it was easy for him!". I can be so ignorant at times, I apologise. I thought that Stephen was able to bless those who hurt him because he was a holy man. Wrong again! The Holy Spirit reminded me of Acts 6:8 , it described Stephen as "a man full of grace" . Stephen could forgive his persecutors because he had experienced the fullness of God's grace. It wasn't because of his learnedness of the Bible. No, he had experienced God's grace first hand.

We all have experienced God's grace in some form of the other. Way more than we deserve. Then why do we find it so hard to forgive others? Why do we purposely refuse to reconcile with those who have pierced deep, deep wounds into our hearts? I think I need to look at where God has brought me from and where He is taken me to. From now on I think my prayer is going to be "Lord fill me with the fullness of Your grace".

It's hard and it won't be easy. One of my pastor's told me that I will need to pick up cross and forgive. Sometimes my cross gets heavy and I set it down because I lose track of the greater glory ahead of me. One thing I know is that He will be with me every step of the way helping me carry my cross.

Why everybody needs a "Madea" in their lives

2010-03-19T13:51:00.000Z

First and foremost, I sincerely apologies for not updating my blog. These past few weeks have been extremely busy. I have come to realise that the life of a law student is not a joke. It's a profession to be taken seriously. However, on a more lighter note: SCHOOL IS OUT FOR EASTER!!! Whoo hoo!

I had so much to blog about but the only thing that I decided to write about was Mabel Simonds a.k.a Madea. She is is an aggressive, grey-haired, bespectacled black matriarch who I personally see as a role model. Even though she is only a fictional character played by actor Tyler Perry, I feel like I have a connection with her.

Yes, she may smoke cigarettes like a chimney, waveSmith and Wesson firearms about whenever anybody messes with her, but one thing we can all say- Madea is always there for you. Craziness and all.

Last night, I watched one of her plays "Madea goes to Jail". Towards the end she gave a few words of wisdom, which is often quite common for her to do at the end of her shows.

She began talking about life, especially when you are in the downs of it. She said something that really spoke to me about moving on with life. " You can be depressed for a minute, but don't stay down there for too long. You need to move on with your own life". I think that has been the hardest part for me, and I am sure you can say the same. It's the moving on part. However, though it's difficult, it's the most healthiest and smartest thing we could ever do. Yes, it may hurt for a while but "Joy comes in the morning".

Readers, I just want to encourage you. The seasons have changed. It's springtime. Bring out your pretty dresses (ladies only please!) and breath in the freshair. God is ready to take you to new heights.

Another thing that Madea said that truly blessed me (by the way she was smoking a ciggy when she was preaching) was this: "You done tried everything to make them stay, but if they keep on wanting to leave, they you got'sta let it go. Just let it go". I think I quoted her quite well...

It's true though, I haven't shared my testimony on here. Maybe I will one day, just not right now. But I remember how I would lie awake for hours, just pondering on all the things I hated about myself. I would think about all the things I could do to improve who I was, so that I could be "acceptable". That was not of God and recently I have begun to love who I am. I respect myself and value myself.

Madea, really blessed me last night. Thanks to my friend "Meek" who is an exchange student from Spelman College, Atlanta (who by the way was a blessing in disguise- more on that later) . She was the one who brought the movie over to my house. Sometimes, we need those wise people in our lives, no matter how crazy "Uncle Harry" is or how how many husbands "Aunty Jenni" has had. We could all learn something from those people who have seen life.

This isn't one of my best blogs, but I still hope it blesses someone. Oh, and by the way. God blew my mind a few weeks ago! I will share this goodness in due time. God's word is true and I can definetly say that Ephesians 3:20 has come alive in my life. Now to him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.

This blog is for you Madea!

Not ready

2010-03-15T18:28:00.000Z

I've been checking my sitemeter and to my joy but also to my dismay, I have been getting a lot of traffic.
Sorry, I have essays to submit but by Wednesday I should be able to post something.
Right now, I am getting comfy at my desk because I will probably leave the library at 3. 3 IN THE MORNING!
Oh the joy of a law student in pursuit of justice...

Apologies...

2010-03-09T19:25:00.000Z

Sorry, I haven't updated my blog yet. I have crazy deadlines to meet. However once it's done I will write something.

It's good to keep busy, it keeps your mind off yourself.

Much love

¡Que viva la fiesta! - Party on!

2010-03-03T17:00:00.000Z

This is a short blog. Just sharing my plans for tomorrow night. My favourite band Jagged Edge cancelled at the KUKU club, so my flatmates decided to throw a little fiesta at my house for my birthday.
I am looking forward to it, I mean having a good time lightens the soul I believe.
I opted to make Chimichangas (yikes) - pray for me!

I will let you know how it went, as well as have some pictures up.

God is good!

Birthday Blog...22 and a long way coming

2010-03-01T14:55:00.002Z

Wow, it's already been a crazy day today. However, I have fully enjoyed it so far.
I have turned 22 years old today! And in all honesty I thank God for my life. I really and honestly do. I've come such a long way, and God has been forever faithful.
As some of you may know that it's been a hard 2nd year for me, extremely hard for that matter. Yet, I feel like I have grown up. When I was 21, I didn't feel grown up at all but now I believe I am. Sometimes God will use hard and difficult circumstances to purify us. He says in His Word in Job 23:10 "When He has tried me, I shall come forth as pure Gold". He is teaching me a lot things. I remember one of my prayers last year was "Lord be my teacher. Be my counselor"- and He has been so faithful in that.

I know I can be stubborn sometimes and stiff-knecked but at 22 I am learning to yield to His perfect Will for my life. I can't stress it enough, the only reason I am in University right now writing this blog is because of His grace. Last year, when I felt the world crashing around me I was ready to get up and quit. I just wanted to pack my bags and run. I clearly heard the voice of the Lord say: "Wait!" If I could tell you all that happened last year, some of you may be surprised that I am still standing. I am still standing, with my sanity in tact because the hand of the Lord kept me.

There were many a times that I felt so lonely. That I could cry for hours in the "midnight hour" just yearning for some comfort. I felt like heaven was silent. You know when you pray but it as if the prayers are just bouncing off the walls. At the same time the pain is getting more and more intense. People who I thought would be by my side encouraging me were no longer there. I think it was because God was refining me. He still is. I was once told that the sign of a good leader is how he or she stands in the midst of adversary. I haven't always stood in the midst of adversary. Sometimes I just broke down and as you read before, I was ready to pack and run. The Lord will just tell me to get up again. And again, and again and again.

I wrote this blog to not celebrate myself. I wrote it to honour the Lord and tell my readers what He has been doing in my life. I'm 22 now and I definetly believe it's the start of all that God has called me to be.

Yes, wounds are still running deep. Deeper than I actually thought. But the Word of God says in Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." I am a working progress. It's not over till God says it's over. He hasn't finished with my story yet, and he definetly hasn't finished with yours.
Brace yourself for the next chapter in your life and trust God with the pen!

Let the good times roll...

2010-02-25T16:49:00.001Z

I am probably the most impatient and anxious person you could ever meet. If it wasn't for God's grace, I would be a walking time bomb ready to explode.

Do you ever get so caught up in your life that you forget what God has done or is doing? I do all the time.

I'm actually not quite sure the point of this current post, maybe I am just killing time. As I do have an Equity and Trusts lecture in 25 minutes. However, I feel I need to just STOP.WAIT.AND LET IT SINK IN.
I was reading Becca's blog today about "cultivating the soil". It just confirmed what God was telling me. I found myself reminiscing about the times when things were just so "simple" and "easy-going". The days when the soil in my life was fresh, moist and easy to reap a fruitful harvest. These past few months, the soil in my life seems hard, and it seems as though a farmer is continually using his hoe to break up it's fallow ground. Ouch it hurts!
Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground, For it is time to seek the Lord, till He comes and rains righteousness on you. Hosea 10:12

I can't depend on the "good and easy times". God is teaching me maturity for ministry, my family and most of all HIS GLORY. I need to seek the Lord and abide in Him even when the ground seems so unfruitful.
Patience is virtue.

In China God showed me how to trust Him

2010-02-22T12:48:00.000Z

First of all, I am not in China - I am still in Sussex in the computer lab. However, I did want to share a dream I had last night.
I will make it short and snappy too, because first off you don't like to read, and second I have an essay due by Thursday.

Dream:

I dreamt that I was in China, and there was war all around me. I needed to get into safety because I was walking on the enemies territory. So, I boarded a military truck which was transporting soldiers over the land. I hid in the truck and waited for my time to jump off. I was so scared because I was right in the enemies midst. Eventually, I sought the courage to jump off the moving vehicle and I landed. Well, I tumbled and fell flat on my face.

Anyway, I got up off the ground and dusted myself off. Looking around I found that I jumped off into a landmine. There were explosives all around me. If I made one false move I was dead. Suddenly a soldier appeared with heavy weaponry and started shouting to me in Chinese. I couldn't understand a word he was saying (sorry I haven't been trained to dream in Mandarin). In spite of all this, I could tell the soldier was concerned for my well being. He was pointing and speaking in Chinese, trying to tell me how to avoid the mines and the path I should go on.

As I jotted this down in my journal this morning, scriptures came to my mind :

Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

I couldn't understand what this guy was saying. Which way? What should I do? I knew I had to get clarity if not I will be blown to smitherines.

All of sudden, a little girl and boy came hopping through the landmine. They were skipping and laughing, dodging and weaving the bombs. They seemed so care-free despite playing amongst death.

The solider in his sterness told the children to take my hand and lead me through the mines. So they did.

I followed them.

I saw a path which was clearly marked and seemed safe. I told the children that it may be safer to take this path, rather than skipping and hopping over land mines.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs: 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

If I had followed the path which looked right and clear to me, my life would have been over.

The children knew better, so we continued leaping and skipping over the landmine.

Just like in Song of Songs when the King is asking His spouse to skip over the mountains and to come away with Him.

Finally we came to safety . There is more to the dream but I will save that for my journal. However, there is something so profound about this dream.

You see, the night before I had been praying to God to make clear His will concerning my life . I had tried to figure it out for myself but it only caused me to become frustrated and agitated.

I've actually been a little apprehensive about praying to God due to fear of disappointment or praying for the wrong thing.

The dream showed me a few things. a) The soldier I believed represented the voice of God- before we hear God we need to know Him. I wasn't familiar with Chinese and couldn't understand. I could only pick up a few things of what he was saying. That reflects some of our lives today. We can't really tune into the voice of God because we are not familiar with His "language".

b) But God being ever merciful, sent help. The children I believe represented the faith I should have. Faith like a child. In the midst of uncertainty, and trails - I need to have faith like children. These children were so care-free in the midst of the landmine.
c) I have rational thoughts- there are directions in my life which seem clear and easy but will only lead to my destruction. Sometimes, I need to have faith in God rather than trusting my own instincts.
d) Having faith like a child will bring me to safety.

Butterfly and Pearls - New kid on the block

2010-02-19T14:35:00.003Z

Hello, my name is Chizor Beverley Opara, I am 21, bordering 22 and I am a law student in the United Kingdom.

I just came across Kelly's Korner via another blog's link. She invited all those that use blogspot as a ministry to others to come and spread the word. That is so funny because last night I was in bed praying and I said to the Lord " God please connect me to women of God who blog in order to minister to the brokenhearted" then this morning I heard of Kelly's Korner.

I began blogging not to long ago actually, after going through the "deep valley" during my 2nd year at law school. This required me to be pulled to the feet of Jesus and in the midst of it all the Lord told me to write.
God walked me through issues with my weight, depression, anxiety, insecurities and mental health. I am yet to write my testimony on here, but God has been so gracious to me. And to be honest if I hadn't experienced so much in my life, I don't think I could minister to people on on campus, abroad and on the worldwide web.

I write if God puts things on my heart so that I can edify the body, as I feel that there are so many hurting women in the church who are being overlooked.

Also I am learning to keep to word limits so bear with me!

God bless

The Pursuit of Happiness...battling Depression

2010-02-18T12:17:00.001Z

I don't know about you but I've come to the realization that many young people deal with depression. God has truly been placing a burden on my heart regarding friends and family who deal with it. I believe I have no right to write about depression if I haven't had a fair share of it already.

No matter how little the issue is that caused you to become depressed or how deep the wound is - pain is pain. That's why I wrote a few tips encouraging other people who fight against depression.

1. Get out of bed in the morning: During my life, an incident occurred which threw me off course. My biggest struggle was to get out bed in the morning. If you have experienced grief then maybe some of you can relate to this. It wasn't that I was tired but I was just afraid to face the world. My body was in agony and my heart was heavy. I wanted to lie there and ponder on obsessive thoughts that were not of God. "Everything seemed so pointless."

The worst thing you can do when going through a time of sorrow is to stay in bed. We wake from a fitful,
You need to press on; staying in bed actually makes everything a lot worse. And do you know what you don't need to wake up feeling helpless. God's word says This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24.

God who is altogether lovely and perfect created today. So go ahead and rejoice in it!

2. Eat well

I've found that to bring honour and glory to God we need to take care of the body. I remember a time where I was so devastated by circumstances in my life - and this is the honest truth, within a few days I had dropped in weight dramatically. It's as though my appetite flew out the window. I had worked myself into such a state that my clothes were hanging off me, my jeans wouldn't stay up and I could see bones on my body where I didn't even think I had bones. Every few minutes I had to sit down because my body was so exhausted all the time due to lack of nutrition. I was over-working my body.

However I have learned to be good to my body. Start eating regularly, cooking nice meals for yourself and every morning have a nutritious breakfast. You should cherish yourself too!

I found that when people are going through rough patches in life, there can be a tendency to over eat. God is with you and so use your physical body as a testimony to God's faithfulness. Exercise is believed to also increase the release of the brain chemicals that affect our mood and make us feel happier.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

3. Fight depression on your knees: in prayer and in the Word of God

For reasons beyond me, I found that in the early days of facing trials, I was so upset that I could fall asleep but wake up 45 minutes later. Only to be plagued with thoughts that were haunting me. I would fall asleep again and as you can guess 45 minutes later I was awake. Thinking, crying, distressed. This was getting ridiculous. So, I began keeping my bible and journal by my bedside. Therefore, whenever I did wake up in the middle of the night I could easily just reach over and pick up my bible before evil thoughts came. This is an art to be practiced, it does not come easy. You may find that you are still waking up again, but what you need to do is reach over for that bible and read it. Keep on going! Nowadays I can sleep quite peacefully without having to wake up. I go to bed with the Word of God in my heart. I can tell you it works like soothing medicine. Proverbs 4:20-22 My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.

Let me be frank: you are not going to fight this battle on the offense alone - you need Jesus to be right there with you in the midst of it all. His Word is true - I can testify to that!

4. Seek help

No one should go through the battle of depression alone. Jesus has no desire to leave you or forsake you in the midst of it. In the midnight hour God is there - ever present as He is, holding your hand.

I believe it's the Church's responsibility to gather around hurting people. There is a popular belief that goes along the lines of this: "If you are dealing with depression then it's because you have no faith”. What?! That is crazy and most of all unbiblical. King David the Psalmist experienced extreme depression - look through all the "dark Psalms" it's there in black and white. Sorry if I am hitting some soft spots but how can we be effective in the world if we are neglecting our own community.

The final point I want to make is if it's getting very bad, then don't feel condemned to see a doctor. Ultimately Jesus is our Great Physician and He should be our first point of contact but go seek professional help if you need to. I know depression can be caused by hormone imbalances, don't feel guilty and less of a Christian if you may need to take medication at times to keep in balance.

But I do want to stress again that Jesus is whom we should turn to first.

I know each situation differs but through prayer and seeking Godly counsel, I pray this really helps somebody see the strength of Jesus in their situation.

Why I am determined to make Valentine's day a good'un

2010-02-13T12:00:00.000Z

It's that time of year again, yes it's the official Clinton Cards day of "Love". Valentines day!

Febuary 14th will be here in 12 hours.   Earnestly speaking my stomach has been doing full 360 degree flips at the thought of Valentines day 2010. Last night I lay in bed journaling and reading the scriptures, just waiting on the Lord. I began pouring out my heart to God and just sharing with Him the fears I had about the future.

I wondered how I should spend my Valentine's day. I could lay in my bed under the blankets, hugging a bottle of whiskey and sleeping the whole day, waiting for it to be Febuary 15th. I could kit myself up and grab the next geezer and allow him to slobber on my neck and talk about himself for 2 hours straight just so I can say that I have a date. Hmm...both of those options sound so depressing and the latter extremely disgusting.
Or I could spend the day enjoying my time with friends as a single and most importantly in the presence of God. There is something about being in the presence of God that is life changing. I don't know where I will be next Valentines but the stakes are pretty high that I will probably be single still, but to be honest I'm o.k. with that.
We all desire to have relationships but the time as a single woman/man is something that we can't get back once we are married. I mean I am sure marriage is wonderful, yet so is singleness.
It's that idea of being alone that God will work, like the quote says "Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can stand still".   As corny as it may sound but I believe that there is purpose in being single. God has brought me to a place where He is actually training me for marriage. Yes, in being single the more time you devote to God, the more I believe you are getting ready for marriage .
Funny that this scripture (vs 34) refers to women not men : I want you to be without care …. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. 1 Corinthians 7:32-34. God knows that for the woman especially, there is work to be done in her time of singleness. I too asked God "What is my purpose of being single right now?"

I've been praying a lot more, learning to exercise the gifts of the spirit and just fighting my battles on my knees. I pray because I am praying for my family to come, I am exercising the gift of faith because one day I am going to need it for my children. The other day I felt a cold coming on and I knew that if I became sick I would have to miss classes. My throat became soar and my nose blocked but a scripture from Mark 11:12 came to my heart saying "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him."
I stood on the scripture and stood against the sickness commanding it to leave my body. I fell asleep still feeling quite poorly but praise God I woke up the next morning completely whole!
It's just a cold but it made me see that there will come a point in my life that my son or daughter may fall sick and it will call for action. Action in the spirit! Often my mother has laid hands on my siblings and I and the healing came. I used to wonder how she did it. It's because my mother spent many hours in her prayer closest sorting it out with God many years before.

So, being single at 21 (almost 22) isn't that bad at all. I can honestly say that when it's just you and God - heaven begins to move on your behalf. I think relationships are exciting and fun and God will just move all the same . Yet I honestly speaking I have been experiencing a relationship with Him that when Mr Right eventually does come along, I'll know not to put my confidence in man (your man will fail you- simple fact) but in Jesus. Out of my heart's cry I spoke to the Lord and said "Don't bring "the one" along until I've seen you Jesus". Ever since then Jesus has been enough. Don't get me wrong it gets difficult at times and I feel...well I get a little lonely sometimes.  However, David in the bible says in Psalms 40:1-3   I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry... and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.
I'm waiting but doing it patiently without the 5 second intervals of "when God?" but just singing a new song to the Lord regarding my life.

Besides my friend says she'll take Lily and I to a chinese restaurant on graduation day if we come out single. As a hard headed Nigerian, I am not about to lose a challenge!

Happy Valentines Day!

Make room for grace...it's not fair God!

2010-02-11T18:45:00.002Z

Let's be honest with ourselves, somethings in life are just not "fair".
I've actually come to realize that we all need the grace of God. My friend Shana told me the story of her father abandoning her mother only to begin an affair with her mother's best friend. Some of us reading this have already put our "judgemental hats" on and are wagging a stern finger at Shana's father. When she recited the story to me, I asked her one question. "Did your father ever apologise to your mother?". Guess what? Her father never once said he was sorry, in fact he thought what he did was acceptable and he had no regrets.

As a law student or even going to the University of Sussex (which is extremely liberal) we all cry out for FREEDOM and JUSTICE. If a little girl is raped by her step-dad and her young body is chopped into pieces, we accept justice to be done. But sometimes the father gets off scott free. How do we explain this? Why aren't people being punished for such shamelessness?

Speaking to a lot of aethists and non-believers this week I found that a lot of people have an issue with the whole concept of God allowing suffering and the wicked prospering. It's because God has put in our heart a desire for justice and righteousness. I am not going to get onto the topic of suffering right now...that will be a later blog. However, after talking to Shana and about what she had been through she told me something profound. She said "Chizor let's face it, the world is a pretty crap place. Chizor life isn't going to be blissful. Justice won't always be done. You (speaking hypothetically) may get married to someone who is stuck in internet pornography or worse still is an adulteror and an abuser- life is just crap. But you are going to have make room for GRACE."

I began to think of all the horrible stuff I do against Jesus. If he punished me and gave me what I deserved for every sin- I believe I would have been dead. Yet the Saviour King makes room for grace.
I believe we all could learn a lesson here. It's not about letting people get away with things but...I think it's just acknowledging the fragility of humans.
People are going to do things which are unexplainable. The saying goes like this: hurting people hurt other people. I was always a strong believer of the idea that "If you hurt me be prepared to get what's coming to you" or "Apologise...right NOW!" Imagine if God had that attitude towards us. Where would I be? Where would YOU be? Let's look at reality : Life isn't always fair to us.

To be frank, last night I asked God "When will all this pain end because I am getting weary?" My question was speaking out of my circumstances. I wanted circumstances in my life to change in order to be happy. I wanted to find my happiness in situations. The bible says in Psalm 42 :Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope [confidence] in God, for I will yet praise him...
What we need is not so much a change of story but rather the grace to walk the chapter out. Hehehe...that was pretty deep right there. As God gave us grace let us be gracious to others.

That's all I really could share tonight. I wanted to write more but couldn't.

Night!

Bitch!, Slt, Whore! - So, I shared my testimony last night

2010-02-09T18:04:00.000Z

B*itch!, S*lt, Whore! Those were the words coming out of Nay's mouth during her readpation of the The Woman at the Well last night. As some of you are aware the Christian Union are putting on events all this week on campus just to get people aware of what the Christian Union actually do and most especially who J.C is (for all of you who are not current with Christian colloquialism it means Jesus Christ.)

To cut a long story short, I had volunteered a few weeks ago to share my testimony with students at one of the local bars on campus for our Open Mic event. I was scared silly! I couldn't really concentrate on the music - which was awesome by the way but I never expected such a crowd. A crowd of non- christians...

I don't know why it never occured to me that I was required to give my life story infront of non-believers- it just didn't click. My heart had been doing flips all day, and I suddenly whispered into my friend's Lois's ear whilst the band was playing and asked: "Can you PLEASE pray for me?". As lovely as Lois's is, that's exactly what she did. After she prayed I just felt God telling me that my testimony wasn't about me, and I had nothing to be ashamed about. The word "B*itch* was no longer my name, but He had given me a new name.

God wanted me to be just the vessel and He would speak through me.

Ok, it's one thing giving your testimony in front of christians at your local church, it's a totaly different pond having to share your testimony in front of aethists, muslims, skeptics, homosexuals and others. And you know that Sussex University is the most unreligious and most liberal university you could ever come across. A few minutes being behind the mic, I began to drop the name of Jesus. Yes I began to speak about how the same resurrecting power of Jesus Christ came into my life.

A lot of my Christian friends didn't even know my testimony, they were all shocked. But there was nothing that I did or said that caused this to happen. It was because the presence of Jesus showed up in that bar.

Do you know what happened after that? Jesus get's all the glory, but my friend Becky comes up to me and says "Chizor, thank you for sharing your testimony, my housemate (who is not a christian) heard your testimony and wants to get onto an Alpha Course. I am trying not to cry right now Chizor but thank you". There is nothing that I did! I am not writing this to pomp myself up but I will say this though, WHEN THE POWER OF JESUS SHOWS UP EVEN THE AETHIST'S IDEOLOGIES WILL HAVE TO BOW TO THAT NAME!

Joyce Meyer aka Aunty Joyce who suffered child abuse at the hands of her father once said: "Sometimes God will allow you to go through somethings just to help someone else". I used to get so mad hearing this. I say "God, you mean I have to suffer pain and experience heartbreak to help somebody else?" God in His infinite patience will kindly answer me: " Yes, Chizor now get our of your self-pity".

I've always wanted to be a missionary and help the brokenhearted but if I am at Law School to allow Becky's friend to hear my testimony of Jesus then "yes and amen". The other day, I recieved an email from someone who I least expected an email from. They just told me how my blogs had been blessing to them and my writings (inspired by the Holy Spirit) caused him to desire to remain more focused on God.

I do nothing, I am just a vessel. Be encouraged in your pain! God's not finished with your story yet!

The Word is our legal authority

2010-02-07T19:54:00.000Z

Today, I really reconsidered deactivating my facebook again. Just after two days, I began to think whether or not this was such a great idea. The thought came to my mind, slowly followed by fear. You know that fear which is the crippling sort, the fear which just magnifies such a small issue. Some of you are probably thinking "Chizor, it's just facebook get a hold of yourself ". Exactly my point - the fear that tried to have access began to make a silly thing as facebook seem like a 10 foot demon.

But even 10 foot demons will bow at the nama of Jesus! At this point my stomach was doing flips and churning at the idea of having my facebook on again. Then the scripture came to my spirit 2 Corinthians 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. Whenever I used to read that scripture to be truthful, I didn't really understand what it meant. Now, I believe I do. You see, when the fear began to play on my mind, I knew I had to bring this "imagination" and "thought" to the obedience of Christ. I spoke to myself and said "For God has NOT given me a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of SOUND MIND." 2 Timothy 1:7.
I brought the imagination into the subjection of Christ through the scriptures.

As you know I am currently studying law, and for any good lawyer to be good at his or her job and have a succesful case they need to know the law to back up their argument. There is a certain rule of thumb known as staris decis (once a court has used a certain method to pass a judgement, the same method in other cases must be used), for your case to be succesful you need to rely on that leading authority because it will overrule everything else that others are saying. It's the same way with the Word. The authority in that book overrides every evil thought which is not of God. If you feel you are not beautiful enough, check this out, your legal authority says in Psalm 139: 14 that "...I am fearfully and wonderfully made". It overrules that judgement you tried to pass on yourself!

The only way that you are going to see victory in your life is when you get into the Word of God. I mean you need to get so deep into the Word that it's coming up over your head. I have learnt that if I do not stand on the Word of God on a daily basis then I give those fears and anxieties dominion.

An Angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him - The Reality of Gethsemane

2010-02-06T13:08:00.004Z

I wanted to share a little about the reality of the Garden of Gethsemane and how it sometimes can be seen in our day and time.

Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.He prayed more fervently, and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood

Luke 22:39-43

The other day I listened to a preaching by a man called Dr Charles Stanley who is the pastor at the First Baptist Church of Atlanta. His sermon was on the short passage in Luke 22:39-43. He spoke about God bringing you to your knees through certain circumstances. Jesus was a prime example of being brought to His knees during a moment of pain before He was to go the cross. I think sometimes we just become so familiar with this passage that we forget the actual reality of it. We just see it as a story which is read out on Easter Sunday.

Th passage illustrates the height of human anguish and turmoil, which I believe not one single person on this earth has experienced what Jesus felt. Jesus in verse 42 saw what was inside "the cup of suffering". What do you think was inside this cup that caused our Saviour to break out in a sweat which produced blood? Good guess, I can't really imagine either but we know that it definetly wasn't orange juice. Jesus saw the wrath of God in that cup, he saw the affliction that was about to come upon Him. But most importantly (and I tear up everytime I read this), He saw that for a moment He will have to be separted from God. That was a little too much for Him but He persisted with the Father's will.

Let's bring the story home. What really struck me in this chapter had to be verse 44 " An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him". Jesus was distressed in spirit, that an angel had to even come and intervene to strengthen him.

Have you ever gone to bed unable to sleep? You were so distressed that you cried and cried, turning from one side of the bed to the other so confused about life. Have you ever been in so much emotional pain that it felt like your insides were going to fall out there and then. Most of you can probably answer yes. I, too have experienced this. A while ago, I experienced this feeling. I could not sleep and sleeping pills were not an option for me. I cried out " GOD SEND ME AN ANGEL!" I literally looked around my room hoping to see an angel there. Umm...no! Nothing appered. Not even a glimmer of light. Anyway, I eventually fell asleep and I dreamt the following:

I dreamt I was in church service. The pastor was Nigerian, and some of you probaly know that Nigerian church services are pretty intense. Well, the pastor went around prophesying over people in the congregation and he came to where I was sitting. "Why do you cry?" He asked. I was a little annoyed with that question. I responded: "Why should I not cry? I have a reason to". He dismissed my bad attitude and said thus " It's will be okay, go and read Psalm 77" and then I woke up from the dream.

Now here is the significance: If you have your bible look at what is says in Psalm 77. The writer of the Psalm is so upset that he hasn't slept all night, his soul can't be comfoted, he is distressed. But he remembers the goodness of God.

If I tell you that I had read that Psalm before the dream I would be lying. Until that night I hadn't come across that scripture before but God in His infinte mercy sent the messenger in the dream to give it to me.

Now, the other day upon reading the scripture in Luke about Jesus on His knees, I managed to line the scripture up with the dream I had months before. I had seen the reality of angels coming to strengthen me in my own Gethsemane.

Just to encourage you, I do not believe any of us will feel what Jesus felt but I do know that times will get rough but look at Psalm 34: 7 the angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.

God has not forgotten you in your Gethsemane. He knows the answer to every uncertainity and sometimes we have to trust God even when we don't have all the answers.

I hope this blesses someone! Sorry, it's so long.

I have not reached where God wants me to fully be but THANK GOD I am definitely not where I used to be.

2010-02-04T16:15:00.000Z

Well as you can see I decided to re-emerge from 'reality' to the bliss of social networking a.k.a facebook.
I apologise (especially to my foreign counterparts) for being incognito these past few months, but I took it upon myself to commit social sucide and delete my facebook for a while. However, due to sound advice I begun blogging a while back - I know it's only small beginnings but I am getting a knack for it. I believe God wants me to go somewhere with this blog but for now I am just showing small excerpts of what God has been revealing to me.

I just want to give a little update on what's been going on these past few months. Let's just say my 2nd year at Law School has been quite the journey but God has been holding me each step of the way. Right now my hearts desire is to finish up uni, and begin training as a family lawyer/child attorney and go after God's agenda for my life which he showed my several years before.

Do you know when it get's to that point where it's just you and God? I mean God gives you the way of the gospel just raw and no strings attached. I can honestly say and I am quoting from Joyce Meyer that : " I have not reached where God wants me to be fully but I am definitely not where I used to be. " I've been doing a lot of soul searching. Yes, soul searching. It may sound like New Ageism to some but I had to get to a point where I had to ask the question "Who are you God?" No, I haven't been pointing fingers at God in accusation, far from it but I really wanted God to reveal Himself in His pure, untainted form. I believe the Lord was delighted in that question so He responded with "... Come and talk with me". And my heart responds, "Lord, I am coming" Psalm 27:8

You see, God can bring blessings to us so that we can comply with His will and He can also bring pain in order to show us His perfect will. Let me rephrase that, God doesn't bring us pain but He will allow it but only for a season.

Recently, and I never thought I would hear myself say this but my prayer has been "Lord, allow me to see your face" .
That's a dangerous prayer point right there because it may involve purification of human nature in exchange for His.

I feel like it's an end of an era but only to begin the BEST era of my life. I have begun stepping on grounds that I would never imagine were possible but when God gets you on your own you begin to serve the God with whom all things are possible.

More blogs are yet to come.

There is a friend that sticks closer than a sister part II

2010-02-03T18:14:00.002Z

I wanted to just do a follow up on my last blog 'there is a friend that sticks closer than a sister'. It's really been on my mind. I felt a little lonely today. You know that feeling that comes when you are around a thousand people but still feel alone. I get like that sometimes.
Anway this evening I had to watch this really annoying film titled "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" for my American Studies module...it was really stupid. Well during the film I suddenly began to feel a little lonely maybe due to the love scene between Dana Wynter and Kevin McCarthy. I just said to God "Lord comfort me, I know you can" and as I said that the response I percieved in my spirit was thus: A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother - Proverbs 18:24.
Then the revelation hit me at that moment as Kevin McCarthy was declaring his undying love for the gorgeous Dana Wynter amidst the giant mutant cabbages (c'mon it's a 1956 sci fi movie) that Jesus has been and will always be my best friend. Peace just came all over me at that moment. I don't know it seems like in the past few months I have become familiar with Him and I am not as scared as I was to approach His throne of grace.

I have just started reading this book by Watchman Nee in my spare time titled " The Song of Songs - The Divine Romance Betwen God and Man". It was given to by Lilian's older brother for encouragement. It's quite good so far, just about seeking God and enjoying a relationship with Him.

Right back to seminar prep!

There is friend that sticks closer than a sister...Proverbs 18:24

2010-02-01T17:18:00.000Z

I decided to paraphrase the scripture in the above title a little bit today. I hope you don't mind.
I actually wanted to dedicate this to some of my closest friends(Lilian, Alison andTuki) and yet at the same time discuss the godly importance of friendship. Actually it was these ladies that inspired me to start blogging since I gave up facebook.

For those of you that don't know, I live with three other girls who are like my best friends, prayer partners and confidents. Last year we all decided to rent this really pretty house during our stay in Brighton as students and since then it's been bliss.
Well let me not exaggerate, it hasn't been entirely perfect but God has had tremendous grace on us. We never really argued, always helped each other out around the house, lent money if money needed to be lent and prayed for each other when prayer was need (which was always).
Our first argument or let's say disagreement was on Friday. I won't go until details but there was division and we girls got our feelings hurt. People avoided each other and nobody really wanted to confront the issue.
But we had to get over ourselves and speak about it. However, it seemed so strange that this "perfect house" was having issues. I mean we were getting along so great. I am not boasting on my friends, but they are truly the best! People come to our house and are just amazed at how well we get along with each other and how there is so much peace. Peace which we as housemates often take for granted.

To cut a long story short, after the dispute we went out eat Chinese at the Gecko resturaunt (Yuck! Sorry for the bad publicity but that place was nasty!) in town and the next day I sat with Tukiya and curled her hair for her.
As I was doing her hair, it just made me think of friendship. You can argue with people, fight with people but when you love them it's so easy to put those things aside. Yes, you may feel extremely disappointed with them if they have hurt you but love overcomes it all. I just felt so at peace that I could do my friend's hair and forget about petty arguments.

I think we do some pretty bad things to Christ himself, but His love always draws us back to Him. Personally, I can say that my friends have shown me the love of Christ . When life was getting a little too much for me and the tears were uncontrollable, they all gathered around me and prayed for me. When I couldn't sleep because the enemy was trying to attack my mind, it was Lilian who allowed me to sleep in her room at 3 a.m. in the morning. That's Christ right there! If anybody is teaching anything different then they are lying!!!

I saw the love of Christ through my friends and continually see it!

Just thought I'd share!!!!

When university is over and we are in different parts of the world, I pray we will always remember this song! This song is for you Ashurst Road girls!

oad girls!!

xxxx

Where eagles dare

2010-01-26T16:24:00.000Z

I would like to share this post very quickly with you all and what the Lord spoke the early hours of this morning.
On Tuesday mornings, I normally have to wake up very early and prepare for a prayer breakfast. So it involves me getting up at dawn before everyone else is awake.
I once heard that the best time to hear from the Lord is in the early hours of the morning.
Mark 1:35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

When I was getting ready, I heard the voice of the Lord say to me "Soar where eagles dare". It just came as a flood of thoughts. Soar where eagles dare, doesn't that mean doing something unknown? Don't eagles fly higher than all the other birds? Eagles don't fly in flocks do they? They fly in alone, don't they? YIKES! All these questions came to my mind. Then the scriputre came to my spirit right after I began asking all these questions : Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Do you know in your heart of hearts that since you were young, God set you apart? That you couldn't do the things other kids were doing. That you couldn't get away with things other people could get away with.
That's because as a child of God, we are not go with the crowd.
Pigeons like to fly in flocks. And for some of you guys who know me - I cannot stand pigeons!!!! They always live around dirty areas as well. However, the eagle... Well the eagle...likes to fly alone, it soars above the storm when all the other "flock birds" hide and run for cover. Hallelujah!
God says in His word that those who trust God will soar on wings like eagles. Not wings like pigeons, no but soar on wings like eagles. One more thing about the eagle, when it soars through sky it doesn't flap, a single feather doesn't move. When we trust God to go higher, we needn't flap and grow exasperated but we will just soar.
Knowing this leave your flock of pigeons, and begin to soar where eagles dare.

Speak to my Heart Holy Spirit

2010-01-24T19:34:00.001Z

The other night whilst I was in bed , I heard this random instruction come to me, the voice said "SET YOUR FACE AS A FLINT".

Recently, I have been praying to the Lord to speak more clearly , to quieten my mind and spirit, so that I could be more intimate with Him. I wanted to desire Him more and more than I previously had been.

I have been reading articles about the "MANY" ways God speaks to us. He can do it through so many things but one thing I know God does so often is speak to our hearts.

You see when I recieved the instructions from the Lord according to scripture in Isaiah 50: 7 which tells us that Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame. I knew God was speaking to my heart. God was telling me to harden my face against the worries of the World and have eyes like a dove and concentrate on the Sovereign God.

Have you ever felt the gentle tug of God before? I am feeling it now. He's calling us to enter His gentle presence. Like a Father beckons his child to have "hang out time". God has heard my prayer "Speak to my heart Holy Spirit". Do you know one gentle Word from the Spirit of God can change a whole situation? Did you know one word of God changed the nation of Israel and ? Do you know one unction from the Lord brought you and I to our knees to accept His gift of fullness in Him?

I wake up every morning before I open my bible and pray "Lord give me a RHEMA" rhema is Hebrew I believe for a Word from God. When that Word gets deep down inside of your spirit, it begins to wash over you, like a husband washes his bride with words.

I encourage you to listen to a recording by Morehead State University Black Gospel Choir, there was a particular lady Holly Forbes who began to sing the song which has been my heart's cry for sometime now titled SPEAK TO MY HEART HOLY SPIRIT.

Jesus...the plumber - READ THIS FOR ENCOURAGEMENT

2010-01-19T10:02:00.000Z

I thought I should write another blog today, which is quite unlike me. Actually it was my friend Lilian who inspiried me to write today's blog concerning the plumbing skills of Jesus Christ.

Let me give you a little background regarding the title of this topic.
Well, since the beginning of the school term which was in October my new student house had been suffering from a lack of heat radiation. Yes, there was very little heat penetrating from the heaters in the kitchen and the other 3 bedrooms, therefore those rooms were still livable. But guess who's room had no heat whatsoever...? Yup, you guessed quite right - MY ROOM! It was so cold in my bedroom, I couldn't study in there, I couldn't even get dressed because it was so icy.
My room of all rooms had to be out of heat. I tell you it was horrible.
So from October till about January this year, I had no heating in my room. I was so relieved when uni closed for Christmas so I could go back to my home in Kent. It got really bad in December, I can't really explain it.
However....we finally got a plumber to come out about last week. And my is my room HOT! I have reconnected with my wonderful bedroom again!
Though prior to the plumber coming, I waited in intense anticipation. It took him almost two weeks to finally get to my house, due to "Britain's Big Freeze". My road was completely sealed off, it was piled high in snow and ice. Therefore the plumber couldn't make it up the road to fix my beloved heater.
But when the ice began to clear, he came through and did his work.
At the moment, I am enjoying a warm house and the bitter coldness is only a distant memory.

Jesus is like the plumber. You see, from October till about the end of 2009, I actually was going through a spiritual battle. It was horrible. Let's just say that I never knew my body could produce so much tears and not get dehyrdrated. Memories of past incidents were just haunting me, nights were often sleepless and my weight...well that's another story. It was a bitter icy experience. My heater in my spiritual life was broken. However, to keep warm I began indulging in the Word of God. I began letting it go deep down in my spirit and work like medecine. What do the scriptures say? "My son, pay attention to what I say;

listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body."

I was desperate for Jesus, and I mean DESPERATE. I can honestly say that my life will never be the same.

Anyway back to plumbing. From about the end of December, I began to percieve in my spirit that Jesus the plumber was coming. In fact He had been trying to get up the road of my life for a while now. How come?

Yesterday, I realised that the path of my life was filled with snow and dangerous ice, it was hard for any vehicle to get up the road to work in my life. I am going somewhere with this analogy...bear with me.

As you are aware, the best way to clear an icy street is to lay down grit salt. This salt eats away at the snow causing it to defrost and the way to become clear. These past few months, God has been throwing down grit salt on my heart, defrosting it so He can fully come. Grit salt can be annoying because it's messy and it can make things look horrible. It's been a painful and upsetting experience but God has been seeing me through.

Please note however, that once all the snow and grit has disappeared the way is clean and clear.

From January, I have seen the works of the Lord so much, He has been fixing my heater. I have begun to feel a little heat. He has begun opening up the prohetic again for me, and so many things. The calling that He placed on my life a few years ago is suddenly settling into place and the Most High God has dominion over it.

I know soon that all the other stuff which I had to endure will be one distant memory, once Jesus brings heat to all the cold places of my life.

I hope this encourages someone. Know, the way of the Lord is good.

Praying for Haiti

2010-01-18T15:04:00.001Z

Hey readers,

One more thing. Please pray for Haiti. Any of you guys that have the gifting of intercession begin to pray for the Nation of Haiti.
That they will turn to God and the scripture which states in Joel 2:25 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you . Pray that this will be their portion

Thanks

"Forward" sometimes means you have to go "Backwards" first

2010-01-17T00:14:00.001Z

I am back! Why, I haven't written in so long, is beyond me. But I promise, this is going to be a weekly thing from now on. I need to improve my blog writing skills...consistence, consistence, consist...
Actually this scripture just came to my mind: Matthew 5: 37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. Maybe, I am taking that scripture out of context but I am learning about keeping promises these days.

Well, where was I? So, currently I am listening to this song which I love by Rick Pino, I have embedded the youtube link to the song, incase some of you want to listen to it: You're not alone.
I came home this weekend from college, to attend a birthday party of a former pastor friend of mine and so therefore I am now able to spend adequate time with my family.
Anyway, we just finished doing our daily bible study as a family, and my dad taught about "building character". He began reminding our family about the amazing (yet crazy things) God has brought us through, my father also shared with us how he could sense the way each situation has shaped and moulded my family and I. I can truly say that my FAMILY IS AWESOME, having been through tremendous financial hardships even up to the point of homelessness, that we learnt the true value of the "christian family".
During the bible study, I recalled one incident during our plight of homelessness in 2007. I had extremely important exams to take that week which would determine whether or not I would get into law school . We had nowhere to go, I was revising in the car and my paper was only a few days a way. The scripture says in Isaiah 53:1 " Who has believed our report? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?". In this passage, I do not believe this was rhetorical question so I am going to shout with glee: " I DO!". In line with the previous incident, I passed my exam with a 100% pass mark. Who would have believed that report???

I am going through a semi- difficult time at the moment. Actually, I would prefer to call it "the wilderness of a 21 year old Nigerian British girl" - sounds a lot more exotic .
You see, the things that I have had to encounter in my short yet sweet life, have some lined up with the scripture in Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
If you are reading this today and are not sure where you are in the wilderness and most importantly when you are going to get OUT of the wilderness. Don't worry, be anxious for nothing and trust God. Because God is not like man that He should lie to us.
In relation to the title of today's blog, I learnt something profound the other day. God will sometimes allow us to go BACKWARD before we can go forward. Think of slingshot. Before you shoot off the pebble, you have to stretch the slingshot backwards before it can propel the stone forward. And boy will that pebble fly, when it goes forward!
That means, God will suddenly ask us to do something, therefore we get all geared and excited because " the blessing of the Lord maketh rich and addeth no sorrow" so, we step out in faith and then all of sudden we look around us. It's dry, looks like there is no way out, and what can hurt us the most, is that in the wilderness there is often isolation involved. I can testify to that right now.
I don't know who I am speaking to right now, but maybe some of your friends have deserted you in the wilderness because there was an oasis elsewhere with "greener pastures" but you had to stay behind. Hold fast! I believe I am talking to myself also.
God's promises are true. It's in the wilderness that our character will form itself as we persevere. It's in this "no-go" area, that God begins the work of perfection in our lives. He will bring you out.
Be patient and also enjoy being patient.
It may look like you are being demoted, but your promotion is coming, He is equipping you for the calling He has set before you.

Let me give one more scripture then I will call it a night. I recently read, that God could have taken the Israelites to the Promise Land via the shorter route. When I read this, the first thing I asked God, as any other ignorant human being would do was... "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!". However, I saw quite clearly that God wanted to do two things a) Show them His glory even in the dry places b) Train their character and mature them for a higher calling because they were not ready to fight their enemies.
WOW! It was as if a light bulb went on in my head at that point. It is suddenly all clicking.
I know personally God showed me the calling on my life and I used to love to pray the following prayer "God use me, use me in Ministry". Err...duh! Well God wants to use me, but He has a lot of moulding to do with me. So, I for one will try and not question His work in my life as He pulls me backward only to propel me forward.

Believe He is doing the same work for you!

Good night!

Happy New Year 2010!

2010-01-11T23:56:00.002Z

Sorry for lack of blogging....to be honest I have been just enjoying time with my family.
I will have a new post up this week! Titled "Forward sometimes means Backward first"

No Longer Quivering...

2009-12-22T17:31:00.001Z

Before I forget, I am currently reading the life story of a lady called Vykie.
Let me give you a brief intro to her background.
Vyckie, has been through a lot in her life, she has just left her blind husband, and has left God.
It's so sad. She has several children...I couldn't count. Anyway, she was a strong believer in Christ but shared beliefs in a doctrine known as "The Quiverfull Movement".
This doctrine is based on the scripture written in Psalms 127:5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them [children] for he will not be put to shame when his enemies contend with him at the gate.
Basically the doctrine advocates the abstinence of birth control. I personally know many believers who follow this method. I am not married, but I would like to hear some thoughts from the married and unmarried.
I will post more on this issue in the weeks to come.
Love ya
xxxx

What legacy will you leave?

2009-12-22T15:29:00.000Z

This was a a question my mother asked my family and I yesterday after doing a short prayer before bedtime.
What legacy will you leave?
It all started when my sisters and I decided to watch an old taking of Michael Jackson's 30th Anniversary show. It was great watching the now deceased singer dancing with his brothers to old skool Jackson 5 beats. Let's be honest, some of us have one or two Jackson memories in our " closest of hidden talents"...
Anyway, after we watched the program my mum began to ask us: "What legacy will we leave?". MJ was a man of incredible talents, he drew millions in, he danced, sung , "acted" and gave to numerous charities. Yet, he didn't have Christ. What legacy did he then really leave?

Billy Graham - a top dog in the Christian sector, has been used by Christ to draw thousands to the Lord. Yet, he is KNOWN but not famous as a Michael. However the scriptures tell us quite clearly that person who is least in the world, can be one of the greatest in the Kingdom of God. Where am I going with this?
The man who introduced Billy Graham to Christ, set out to conduct a large tent revival meeting in Billy Graham's town. The preacher thought thousands would come forward and receive Christ...but only one small boy came forward.
Right, in the physical, the preacher must have been thinking: "I've spent so much money, I've called ministers from across the nation, I have fasted for the past 40 days and for what? For only this slight of a boy to come forward? ". However, whatever the preacher may have thought, the young boy that came forward was the be known as one of America's greatest preachers. The small boy was Billy Graham, who wanted to heed to the call of God.
See, what legacy are you going to leave? Do you know, that the one seed you plant in someone's life could change a generation. Even though it looks small, don't fret! That seed may flourish into a whole GARDEN.
Imagine if the preacher was so bent on his own agenda, that he dismissed the young Billy Graham? What then? Some of you reading this, may not have heard the gospel message, if that one preacher had looked at what was in front of him.
What legacy are you leaving?

I have positioned myself where God wants me to get both legs out of the boat and walk on water in the storm. I want to be known as the law student who recognised her saviour on the water, and "bid the Lord will allow me to come to him" (Matt 14:18) amidst the storm. Just like Peter did in the New Testament.

Again, I ask what simple seed has God placed in your hand that you are unwilling to plant? God says: "Go and sow and reap the harvest.
2010 is fast approaching but let's still leave a legacy this remaining few weeks of 2009.

Just saying hello

2009-12-20T22:51:00.001Z

Hello readers,

Well, as of now, I do not have any followers and as you can see this is my first BLOG. So, help me please.
Blogging seems to be the new chic thing to do as a university student, so as I do not like to follow the cattle, I decided to write one of my own. Ok, I am European and I get weak in my knees when it comes to fashion and the hottest trends on the catwalk.

I did not come to write to you about fashion, but rather just what's been on my heart lately. For those of you who do not know me, I am a strong believer of Christ. Jesus is my everything and my only desire for this blog is to glorify Him and edify the Body of Christ.
I would love to meet with other intercessors (people who do intercession), people who are just hungry to seek God , speak about prophetic giftings and the supernatural. And much more...
This is a brief introduction. I hope you will stay tuned...MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!